Story This is silly but I imagined myself dying

[Throwaway563078]

Yesterday night I had a horrible day(not uncommon). I have had sleep issues the past few weeks, both the quality and length. I popped the last few xanax I had and used my imagination. I pretended I was ctb. I was wrapped in a blanket on my phone waiting for the xanax to kick in. My muscles were tense, mind noisy all that. Slowly I felt physically relaxed my body heavy but in a good way, relaxed. I was on my phone and felt a distance between everything. The feed on my phone was car crash news, people Being happy with their partners whatever.

I believed I was actually leaving this, the last feeling before I actually fell asleep was "they can have all this, the suffering, the bullshit of life, I'm going home". Unfortunately I woke up 14 hours later but I felt so awesome drifting away. No dreams even (been having nightmares only recently) Immense peace. It's silly and I know it's my imagination but it felt awesome. I only hope the people who succeeded felt peace as they left. And I hope we all find peace soon whether in life or death

 

[muretax]

This reminds me of kind of what I've been experiencing but not in the same way. For me, it's more so I get into such a numb, deep state that I feel like I'm at peace and non-exsistent. Whenever I get hit with this feeling it's like I'm already there. Almost every time, I physically see, hear and feel my loved one just hug me. He passed away earlier this year from suicide.

I tried staying strong but I get a sense of peace that I'm only hoping we all feel when we leave here. When I imagine it, I feel at home and that's not a feeling I can easily shake.

 

[Xerxes]

I've been imagining myself dying for the last 20+ years. Everything from last breath to picturing myself hanging from the ceiling to car accidents. The feeling that my eyes get blurry and I finally drop. To see death from a 3rd person perspective is mesmerizing.

 

[Schopenhauer]

It's not silly, #563078. I liked the imagery very much. What you mention as your last feeling is what has been going through my head all week, as the hour of my demise approaches. Go on with your lives if you wish, but I'm leaving this crap behind.

 

[Throwaway563078]

It's not silly, #563078. I liked the imagery very much. What you mention as your last feeling is what has been going through my head all week, as the hour of my demise approaches. Go on with your lives if you wish, but I'm leaving this crap behind.

All the best to you Schopenhauer, I hope your last moments are filled with peace

 

[Schopenhauer]

All the best to you Schopenhauer, I hope your last moments are filled with peace

Thanks a lot, I mean it. I hope you can find your peace soon as well.