This forum should be in perpetual move

[deomlez]

From the beginning, i think that due to the aim of this forum, people should always come then disappear and new arrive and disappear etc
And i feel uncomfortable with this but i don t know why.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Is it a negative reaction to change? I'm like this- I feel uncomfortable with change. But yes- the nature of this place is that people are likely to come and go.

It can be upsetting when you form connections here and they CTB. Still- it's a mixture of feelings. I know it's selfish to want people to stick around when they are desperate to leave. A part of me feels sad but another part of me feels relieved when they get their wish.

This is an especially unique place really. People can be very open despite being annonymous. You can easily feel attached to particular members- yet we all know in the background there's a risk any of us could go at any moment. I suppose it's the most honest kind of connection you can have in a way. We already realise that loss could well be a part of any friendship here.

There are some long term users here too though. For whatever reason, CTB is sometimes more difficult for some of us and this place can feel such a comfort while we're waiting.

I'm not great with change, or meeting new people- so, loads of newbies can make me feel weird. Still- we were all new once and there's every likelihood some of the people who are new now will become familiar in future.

 

[deomlez]

Perhaps I fear to attach and let some traces despite if the fact i would like to vanish. I m fed up with my traces in this world, and attachment is one of the cause of my troubles.
Thanks to share your thoughts wirh me, i d like to be more expressive.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm not sure if your trying to say that people shouldn't spend long on this site, or you are just commenting on how people don't stay for long. If you mean the first then it's nothing to do with you how long people spend on this site, it's just not your concern but if you mean the second then to me it makes sense that most people wouldn't spend much time on here as I think that most accounts just come to research methods for either an immediate ctb or just to plan a method that they can use in the future. But anyway the reality is that nothing lasts and everything is impermanent, eventually we will all be forgotten about as everything will be lost to death.

 

[chocolatebar]

From the beginning, i think that due to the aim of this forum, people should always come then disappear and new arrive and disappear etc
And i feel uncomfortable with this but i don t know why.

That's why the bus stop analogy was created, back in the alt.suicide.holiday days. It feels like being in a bus stop, where people come and wait for their buses. Some come faster than others, some take too long. Some people may not want to take the bus anymore, and go back home. Some of us stay for a long time in the bus stop. People come and go all the time, but stop to talk to each other in the meanwhile.

This analogy used to make people feel better about it, and led to the term "catch the bus". I also like it because it's almost all that was preserved from the community.

 

[Anonymus]

I'm not sure if your trying to say that people shouldn't spend long on this site, or you are just commenting on how people don't stay for long. If you mean the first then it's nothing to do with you how long people spend on this site, it's just not your concern but if you mean the second then to me it makes sense that most people wouldn't spend much time on here as I think that most accounts just come to research methods for either an immediate ctb or just to plan a method that they can use in the future. But anyway the reality is that nothing lasts and everything is impermanent, eventually we will all be forgotten about as everything will be lost to death.

He says he feels uncomfortable because this is a place of passage. It's the same for me, I have little adaptation to change and it's a bit distressing... it's like when you realize that everything around you has been changing non-stop since you were little and you never quite adapt, you can't keep up. Everything is constantly changing.

//

Diu que se sent incómode perquè aquest és un lloc de pas. A mi em passa el mateix, tinc poca adaptació al canvi i és una mica angoixant... es com quan t'adones que tot canvia sense parar al teu voltant desde que ets petit i no acabes mai d'adaptar-te, no pots seguir el ritme. Tot és en constant canvi.

 

[deomlez]

I think I m unconmfortable about attachment and it s a great thing for me to be clear with that since i ignore why fondamentally i hate life and myself. I have tried to dig this, alone, then with my psy and it was still obcure to me. But now here it is.
And here i feel like as if you could be same-thinking friends but the 3 times i have met s.o. like that, it ended badly - for me. So i fear and finally what s better than vanish.
For sure i m convinced about self determination but it s personnal and there is sthg more. I cannot be me, i m the only one of my planet but i don t want to find anybody else like me because at least being 2 is not enough to bear this life. And that s the 2nd thing this community is able to let me know, and it s really a good thing.

 

[deomlez]

Hard today to deal with this feeling, after @Vizzy has begun his trip. Feel very sad.
At this time there are no good days but this one is particulary bad.

 

[deomlez]

I would like to precise that I'm happy for him. Just sadness on my side, perhaps jealousy too haha

 

[Busridin'26]

Ohh I wasn't sure what you were saying but I reead the thread hink I understand now? The aspect of people coming & going on this site kinda thing? I hope im responding correctly.

For me... I used to like spend a month or so on here then disappear for months. Or I'd spend a week then disappear for a month kinda thing?

The frequency that I've been on here recently is similar to when I first joined but thats bc life has become as it is currently for me.



I never quite interacted with a lot of people that passed on but there have been a few. I was visiting someone's page the other day too and it def hit me...

Sometimes its good to take breaks from the site when the mourning gets too much.

Personally I'm getting a bit more comfortable with being able to both honor someone decision and hold space for the sad feels I feel that they are gone. This is not an easy task and for me is probs due to being closer to ending things.

I'm not very good with change though either

 

[MrDarkness]

Hard today to deal with this feeling, after @Vizzy has begun his trip. Feel very sad.
At this time there are no good days but this one is particulary bad.

I cry when reading goodbye threads, I feel sorry and depressed, that I couldn't help I know they wanted to die deep down I know, but why does everyone nowadays need to be depressed, suicide isn't something mentally sound people do, it isn't it really isn't, fuck I'm depressed and will attempt sooner or later, I just hate seeing people die, it makes me cry and hate myself and the world. Ffs

 

[deomlez]

Thanks for your answers.
I know this forum is a part of my mood but overall it s one place I can read opinions near mines (the other one is my psy sessions). As a different human and non-fitted to this world, having wasted more than 50 years to try to be "normal", then begun to be conscient of the effort to be someone else than myself, it s important.
I think what you say is to give a place to be happy for the leavers and a place to let my emotions as sadness come and go. And i can remind than one day it will be my turn.

 

[deomlez]

If this site had a gauge to measure the pain spilled here, it would be extremely high.

But if this site had a gauge to measure the love and understanding here, it would be higher.

Love you all.

 

[hunterfla]

That's why the bus stop analogy was created, back in the alt.suicide.holiday days. It feels like being in a bus stop, where people come and wait for their buses. Some come faster than others, some take too long. Some people may not want to take the bus anymore, and go back home. Some of us stay for a long time in the bus stop. People come and go all the time, but stop to talk to each other in the meanwhile.

This analogy used to make people feel better about it, and led to the term "catch the bus". I also like it because it's almost all that was preserved from the community.

Thanks for the explanation...I always thought the phrase made sense, but never quite knew it's origin or meaning. Hugs.

 

[deomlez]

Haha in my head i cannot see anything else than magicobus from Harry Potter, with a crazy driver, strange things (like the little hang head) and lost passengers, just like us all.

 

[brokeandbroken]

It is challenging as many leaving have left for good. Usually ending the suffering they are in. So I'm glad they've Hopefully painlessly found peace. On the flip side there is some comfort for me to know if I were to CTB or whatever... This is probably the only place that would understand. That you are happy not that I'm gone but I've found peace. I'm not sure and have found no evidence for society the world whatever being happy if were to find it. Hell in my life everytime I've been happy or close to it I've been made to feel guilty about it.

 

[deomlez]

The worst is when YOU are the one who makes you feel guilty. Hell inside you.