Venting this feels weird and stupid to be envious about.

[livingdeaddyke]

I'm aware of this being dumb to be jealous about but I'm very jealous with people who have so many friends.
I feel like this is mostly my fault for not being social, but it feels hard when you feel like you're too weird, to odd, to ugly, to have friends, and it doesn't help that whenever i had an irl friend, some way, somehow, it never lasted, either they broke up the friendships, or i had to move away, and/or lost contact.

I've began thinking to myself, what was the point of making friends, I'm gonna lose them anyway, nothing lasts forever. my happiness doesn't last forever.

I've had a few online friends but i lost a lot of them from something i never did, and i only have little few i frequently talk to. i feel like that incident made me realize i can never truly trust anyone, i cannot make friends anymore. They couldn't wait to get rid of me.

I tried to rebuild my friendships and make new friends but i don't think anyone is really interested with me. and I'm too scared to find out the hard way or find out at all.

I'm tired of being backstabbed, being abandoned when I'm no longer a punching bag for people, being someone so easy to get rid of.

 

[wylcel]

I'm really sorry about that, It's very natural to feel jealous about that sort of thing.
Are you in school or graduated already? Social dynamics can be very different in each case.

'Nothing lasts forever' I really get that feeling, I kind of forced myself to never think about the future to stay sane because if not I'm constantly anxious and scared and worried. I ended up becoming pretty cynical and nihilistic, trying my best to just not care about much or assume that nothing's gonna last so just try to enjoy it while it does. It makes life a whole lot easier acting like it's not real, or just some piece of art. (but it'll probably come back to bite me some day, assuming im still here).

 

[livingdeaddyke]

I'm really sorry about that, It's very natural to feel jealous about that sort of thing.
Are you in school or graduated already? Social dynamics can be very different in each case.

'Nothing lasts forever' I really get that feeling, I kind of forced myself to never think about the future to stay sane because if not I'm constantly anxious and scared and worried. I ended up becoming pretty cynical and nihilistic, trying my best to just not care about much or assume that nothing's gonna last so just try to enjoy it while it does. It makes life a whole lot easier acting like it's not real, or just some piece of art. (but it'll probably come back to bite me some day, assuming im still here).

i have to be in school for a bit longer, but im like 18 lol. i dont really talk much to anyone cuz i prefer to be mute.
I do have that "i dont care" attitude when it comes to life and it kinda gives me that temporary feeling of brazenness because i know whatever im doing isnt going to be forever and i will eventually die.

 

[wylcel]

i have to be in school for a bit longer, but im like 18 lol. i dont really talk much to anyone cuz i prefer to be mute.
I do have that "i dont care" attitude when it comes to life and it kinda gives me that temporary feeling of brazenness because i know whatever im doing isnt going to be forever and i will eventually die.

In my experience the people in college are better and less hard to make friends with, though it depends on your major and all.
The i dont care attitude can be pretty useful,,

 

[SASU-KE]

Making friends is hard work. And just like anything, if you put in the work, you'll be rewarded.

When I meet new people IRL, we're making small talk since it's our first conversation, right? I'm usually pretty laconic. Now, if I were being more social, it would mean me, you know, responding back with questions, trying to get to know them more and bringing up other subject matter to talk about. But I don't do that. I usually keep responding short till the conversation dies down.

II'm more introverted anyway so I don't care much about being alone to a certain extent.

 

[iwkmsssb]

i also feel the same way, i get so envious of people who have a large group of friends. i've always had trouble making friends growing up. ive been alone on so many occasions. even if i do make friends they eventually leave so it made me think if there was something wrong with me for so many people to just not be in my life anymore, am i not worth keeping around? i haven't felt important in so long, and the friends i have now have other friends they prefer over me. everything really is unfair. i feel like such a loner, ive been trying to be okay with my own presence. not to depend on anyone. because i am so tired and exhausted trying to cater to everyone just to keep them around when they don't want me around. i hope things will get easier for you stranger.