Help third places you can go at 21 if you don't want to be by yourself?

[eggsausagerice]

i feel restless and don't want to be in my house tonight, but i'm probably not going anywhere today because i have a headache and i'm sick. i just want to go somewhere because i feel alone. it's my friend's birthday again and i blocked him because i felt like he doesn't want to talk to me, but now i'm by myself and i'm thinking about how he must be hanging out with his university friends or having doing something and not thinking about me. i don't think i should keep talking to him if i just end wanting to block him and unblock him again, since i don't do it to my other friends because i'm not as close to them. i'm just not very close to any of the people i know, even if i know a lot about them.

i just want to go somewhere so i don't have thoughts about self harm, but texas is really car dependent and i have to buy food at places or i'll get kicked out for loitering. there's barely any benches outside and it's starting to get really hot and humid now that it's may. going out helps me be less wound up and anxious, but i usually have nowhere to go if i don't have plans i arranged with someone.

 

[Quietist]

Local library.

There's people around, but not too many to be overwhelming, they aren't noisy, and you can sit amongst the bookshelves and try to immerse yourself in a book.

 

[iguazo falls]

sorry this is late but as someone of a similar age i wanted to give some recs. but first off i'm sorry you felt like you had to block your friend, and i know how isolating being our age is it sucks. i usually just walk somewhere or keep in transit (which sucks in a car dependent place but with music and in a safe area its ok, or even better in any nature), or go to a second hand shop. it depends on the vibe in the second hand shop though because i've been to ones where most people running it are LGBT to ones run by mormons so ye. quietist has a good suggestion with the library because there's little expectation for you to buy something or socialise, and you can even muck around with the computers if they have one. mcdonald's is noisy but if you buy something 50 cents and sit in a booth you can chill there. in the evenings i would go to the park sometimes (around the time no parent brings their kid out) and legit just use the swing. expensive, but if there's a cinema you can just go see something alone, and it should be air conditioned.

man i hate car dependent suburban/small town hells like i'm racking my head for things i used to do when i lived in smaller areas and half it was legit just "loitering". my friends and i used to use department shops' makeup areas as seating bc it was always empty, and luckily noone cared. we even hung out in furniture shops because well there's a bunch of sofas around. i can also recommend skate parks but in my experience its not as welcoming unless you are good at skating or know someone.

 

[eggsausagerice]

mcdonald's is noisy but if you buy something 50 cents and sit in a booth you can chill there. in the evenings i would go to the park sometimes (around the time no parent brings their kid out) and legit just use the swing.

i love going to mcdonalds but kids and high schoolers stress me the fuck out. i also look like a girl so i'm worried about getting perved on if i'm by myself. i love/used to love going to the park and tell myself i'll do it more. i bought roller skates (to try to be more social) but sold them this month because i kept falling on my face since i couldn't skate anywhere in my neighborhood and didn't like it.

expensive, but if there's a cinema you can just go see something alone, and it should be air conditioned.

cinemas kind of make me want to cry now because the only way i can have a ride home is if i ask my dad to pick me up because none of my friends like going to the movies with me lol. i see couples and friend groups walking out and it makes me end up hating myself even when i liked the movie. i do still like movies a lot, but they're tied to the friend i mentioned in the original post because he moved away and watches movies with other people now. it still makes me sad even now.

There's people around, but not too many to be overwhelming, they aren't noisy, and you can sit amongst the bookshelves and try to immerse yourself in a book.

the main community library next to me has a lot of kids (i'm terrible around kids) so i never go there. i have thought about trying to frequent a library again because i spent so much time in my college library back when i was enrolled just to get away from people, but i guess i'm hesitant. the easiest place for me to loiter is usually mcdonalds, starbucks, and smaller cafes. i like being in starbucks the most but their drinks are expensive. i really wish i could drive so that i could just mill around and go nowhere or drive to a park further from home, but my anxiety makes me have intrusive thoughts about crashing and killing someone so i stopped going to my lessons. i'm sick of people telling me it's easy or to smoke weed. i'm too scared to trust myself to drive and my dad and sister think i'll total the car if i use it for practice. everyone in texas acts like people that can't drive are second class citizens and provide no resources at the same time.

 

[iguazo falls]

i love going to mcdonalds but kids and high schoolers stress me the fuck out. i also look like a girl so i'm worried about getting perved on if i'm by myself. i love/used to love going to the park and tell myself i'll do it more. i bought roller skates (to try to be more social) but sold them this month because i kept falling on my face since i couldn't skate anywhere in my neighborhood and didn't like it.


cinemas kind of make me want to cry now because the only way i can have a ride home is if i ask my dad to pick me up because none of my friends like going to the movies with me lol. i see couples and friend groups walking out and it makes me end up hating myself even when i liked the movie. i do still like movies a lot, but they're tied to the friend i mentioned in the original post because he moved away and watches movies with other people now. it still makes me sad even now.

yeah thats very fair you feel unsafe, esp around groups of teenage boys. i wish i had more suggestions like general group activities but i know for a fact i didn't bother with those when i lived in a small town because the morning jog group with a bunch of 40 year olds who have their shit together didn't sound very appealing haha (and other stuff like bingo drag required a long drive plus no guarantee of community). i'm wishing you luck for when you do go to the park and i hope it offers some reprieve. when i was alone and had nothing to do i just went into the forest and had to get creative but again i get if you feel unsafe about that. and virtual hugs about missing your friend too. all good if you didn't want to disclose - but did you have a big falling out, or did they just end up moving away? i'm not sure of the full situation so sorry if i come off as insensitive or you need some space from him, but i was thinking if it was more of a not-seeing-them-enough situation that you could watch movies together on discord using free streaming sites and stuff.

 

[eggsausagerice]

did you have a big falling out, or did they just end up moving away?

both. i was/am the one that tried to end things with him so that i would hurt less when he moved away, but he wanted to stay in contact. i just didn't want to matter less to him when he moved away and i think that he outgrew me a lot in the time we've spent away from each other. i haven't had the opportunity to grow since my life has got worse. i feel pretty sad because i just want to be able to spend time with him, but i also feel like i'm not worth his time if he has new friends he might like more than me. i don't want to watch movies with him on discord even though he offered to in the past because i feel really anxious and insecure, since i think that he would have a better time with someone else he knows. i've always felt like that and that's why i want to stop being friends with him if i think that he has more in common with other people. he hasn't really been able to see from my point of view and thinks i'm being hard on myself when i say he should talk to the friends he made in college instead of me. when he was talking about moving i had a hard time coming to terms with it and kept telling him he won't need me anymore. sometimes it feels like he just feels sorry for me.

 

[iguazo falls]

both. i was/am the one that tried to end things with him so that i would hurt less when he moved away, but he wanted to stay in contact. i just didn't want to matter less to him when he moved away and i think that he outgrew me a lot in the time we've spent away from each other. i haven't had the opportunity to grow since my life has got worse. i feel pretty sad because i just want to be able to spend time with him, but i also feel like i'm not worth his time if he has new friends he might like more than me. i don't want to watch movies with him on discord even though he offered to in the past because i feel really anxious and insecure, since i think that he would have a better time with someone else he knows. i've always felt like that and that's why i want to stop being friends with him if i think that he has more in common with other people. he hasn't really been able to see from my point of view and thinks i'm being hard on myself when i say he should talk to the friends he made in college instead of me. when he was talking about moving i had a hard time coming to terms with it and kept telling him he won't need me anymore. sometimes it feels like he just feels sorry for me.

yeah that sounds pretty painful if you feel that way even when you do get to spend time with him. i apologise as i can't give much advice, but i hope someday you find closure or a conclusion that is best for both of you. i've had some weird regrets where i've stopped talking to people because we're not close anymore and they seem so much better than me (or without me), but also i think that they feel hurt/confused too. funny enough one of my anxieties too were that they only would talk to me because they felt sorry for me or saw who they were in the past within me. i wish there were easy answers for these kinds of things.