ssUser34
Heart is hurting
- Apr 12, 2025
- 22
This is just a vent about wanting to ctb
So, my preferred method would be SN. I do have a rope that I have tried partial hanging with before, but I just couldn't seem to get it right when it comes to putting pressure on the carotid arteries. I would feel myself drifting away, but never actually passing out. It is also pretty inconvenient cause my best option is going to the forest and hanging the rope on a tree branch, as I have no reliable anchor point at home that I can think of. Full suspension seems way too scary for me, too, even though I have thought about it. So I would rather abandon the hanging method. SN, however, seems like the most peaceful method I could go for. The only problem is the fact that it's pretty hard to obtain, especially where I live, I can't really get it. In my home country, it seems like ordering SN is really easy though - but I can't legally bring it back to where I live. That would mean if I would want to ctb, I would have to go through with it in my home country. When I'm there, I'm staying with my grandma, and I just know how worried she is every second I don't come home on time or don't text when I'm out. I think I would have to go out somewhere in like a mall restroom and take the sn there, so I would have as much time as possible to not be found and peacefully pass. It's just a scary thought, I don't want her to worry about me, I would rather have her find out another way, not like that. But I really don't have any other methods.
So, my preferred method would be SN. I do have a rope that I have tried partial hanging with before, but I just couldn't seem to get it right when it comes to putting pressure on the carotid arteries. I would feel myself drifting away, but never actually passing out. It is also pretty inconvenient cause my best option is going to the forest and hanging the rope on a tree branch, as I have no reliable anchor point at home that I can think of. Full suspension seems way too scary for me, too, even though I have thought about it. So I would rather abandon the hanging method. SN, however, seems like the most peaceful method I could go for. The only problem is the fact that it's pretty hard to obtain, especially where I live, I can't really get it. In my home country, it seems like ordering SN is really easy though - but I can't legally bring it back to where I live. That would mean if I would want to ctb, I would have to go through with it in my home country. When I'm there, I'm staying with my grandma, and I just know how worried she is every second I don't come home on time or don't text when I'm out. I think I would have to go out somewhere in like a mall restroom and take the sn there, so I would have as much time as possible to not be found and peacefully pass. It's just a scary thought, I don't want her to worry about me, I would rather have her find out another way, not like that. But I really don't have any other methods.
