nopointofliving
Warrior
- Apr 19, 2021
- 513
I have been trying to be a better person all my life. I used to observe my behavior and try to point out what's wrong in me and fix it. This leads me to develop my current character; a very kind person who really wants to help others. The thing is I become too kind to everyone except myself. I also expected others to treat me in the same way at some extend. It's not like I'm going into a trade, like I give you my care, and you give me something in exchange. It was never like that. You can say at least I expected a "Thank you" or a smile, not the other way around.
I stood for many people in my life, I don't want them to pay me back , but it was shocking for me to be left behind and never be cared even by those I stood for and supported. It wasn't even like this but they treated me like I hurt them and I ruined their life. I always thought I was helping them, but they were receiving my help as a curse. Sometimes I think I might be crazy, I don't understand life well. In other times, I tell myself, I'm not crazy but life is very bad. Maybe people have changed, goodness is not understood as before. Maybe people are scared of extra kindness or goodness, whenever they see someone very kind or honest, they doubt it. They think there must be something fishy in that.
I'm really tired being misunderstood all the time. I'm not writing this post to say I'm this or that, I hate that I even need to justify every word I say because people may take it the other way around, and I hate that I always need to explain what I mean, and what I'm talking about.
I'm going crazy thinking about it. Am I crazy? Am I really selfish by being the kind way I am? am I really a bad person by offering my help and time to others? Even if I was so, I can't change it :(
I stood for many people in my life, I don't want them to pay me back , but it was shocking for me to be left behind and never be cared even by those I stood for and supported. It wasn't even like this but they treated me like I hurt them and I ruined their life. I always thought I was helping them, but they were receiving my help as a curse. Sometimes I think I might be crazy, I don't understand life well. In other times, I tell myself, I'm not crazy but life is very bad. Maybe people have changed, goodness is not understood as before. Maybe people are scared of extra kindness or goodness, whenever they see someone very kind or honest, they doubt it. They think there must be something fishy in that.
I'm really tired being misunderstood all the time. I'm not writing this post to say I'm this or that, I hate that I even need to justify every word I say because people may take it the other way around, and I hate that I always need to explain what I mean, and what I'm talking about.
I'm going crazy thinking about it. Am I crazy? Am I really selfish by being the kind way I am? am I really a bad person by offering my help and time to others? Even if I was so, I can't change it :(