vivia
(ā āæā ^ā āæā ^ā )
- May 13, 2025
- 108
giving up. honestly, what even is the definition of giving up? is it... like, a path you choose, an alternate "route" branching off from the one that was supposed to get you to your original goal? or is it just... straight-up quitting? to me, giving up means quitting. i've lost count of how many times i've bs'd myself into thinking i've got it all together, that i'm capable, and that i'm somehow a natural at everything under the sun. family, friends, love (tbh i haven't even made it to square one with this one), career or school, i've been going through the motions with all of it like a pathetic loser. "don't even tell me, i already knew. i knew from the start i was already beat, but, i'm fucking confused. why am i still trying? isn't that too naive for someone this fucking stupid?"
taking all these Ls has put me in a headspace where i just can't be bothered to start anything new. i don't have the energy to kick off something that might actually turn things around, or try reaching out and connecting with people again, and all that shit. i just wanna lay low, rot in bed staring at my ceiling, which gets hot as balls during the day, btw, just hugging my pillow. i'm just so fucking drained from everything. i don't wanna get my hopes up for shit anymore, i just wanna go with the flow and let the wind carry me, even though i know... saying shit like that makes me sound like i've got zero backbone in my own life. constantly gaslighting myself into thinking everything's gonna be alright, when in reality, i haven't done jack shit to fix it. it's a total mess, and it's my own damn fault. i get so salty seeing people i used to know making it big, i'm jealous that my old friends have found their own squads and left me in the dust. i'm basically jealous of everything, but at the same time, i feel like someone like me doesn't even have the right to be jealous. i don't deserve a single thing in this world. i don't even deserve to take up space in this body. i give up, i'm done. i'm done
yeah, i'm done. i'm stopping right here on this road, not to look for some detour, i'm just straight-up calling it quits. i don't want this selfish, pathetic feeling eating me alive anymore. but i just hope... i can actually pull the plug after getting all this off my chest. i really hope i can finally just stop and fade away
taking all these Ls has put me in a headspace where i just can't be bothered to start anything new. i don't have the energy to kick off something that might actually turn things around, or try reaching out and connecting with people again, and all that shit. i just wanna lay low, rot in bed staring at my ceiling, which gets hot as balls during the day, btw, just hugging my pillow. i'm just so fucking drained from everything. i don't wanna get my hopes up for shit anymore, i just wanna go with the flow and let the wind carry me, even though i know... saying shit like that makes me sound like i've got zero backbone in my own life. constantly gaslighting myself into thinking everything's gonna be alright, when in reality, i haven't done jack shit to fix it. it's a total mess, and it's my own damn fault. i get so salty seeing people i used to know making it big, i'm jealous that my old friends have found their own squads and left me in the dust. i'm basically jealous of everything, but at the same time, i feel like someone like me doesn't even have the right to be jealous. i don't deserve a single thing in this world. i don't even deserve to take up space in this body. i give up, i'm done. i'm done
yeah, i'm done. i'm stopping right here on this road, not to look for some detour, i'm just straight-up calling it quits. i don't want this selfish, pathetic feeling eating me alive anymore. but i just hope... i can actually pull the plug after getting all this off my chest. i really hope i can finally just stop and fade away
