Venting Thinking about suicide calms me

[lostchild]

Does anyone else feel this way...

every day I'm terrified, and pretty much cry all day long. Its horrifying and neverending and hurts so bad. But when I think about killing myself it feels so calming and relaxing, like "everything is going to be okay because you'll die soon!" and that's the only break from the constant screaming in fear I am always doing.

actually killing myself is the hard part and I wish it was as easy as it was in the daydreams about it. I'm so excited, I'm so ready for it, but it's just so hard for some dumb reason

This site is also really relaxing, seeing everyone talk about it is calming and inspired me. That might sound weird

 

[Pallf]

Nah you're not weird. Or we're both weird. I find it helpful for my depression to come here because I feel understood. Thinking about suicide also helps me with my depressed mood. I think it's the idea that I'm facing the inevitable and I can be at peace.

 

[AintNoWayOut]

for sure, being someone who lives with constant chronic pain the thought of being able to just pull the plug and end it all is extremely comforting. at first what kept me going was hope, but then once it was clear that my situation wasnt going to improve, the thought of "well, i can just end all of this pain in an instant if i really wanted to" is what allowed me to get through really tough days and keep myself from having a total breakdown. at this point, though, its about time to walk the walk because i cant carry on living like this for another fucking 50+ years or however long it'd take for me to die naturally. and now, knowing its right around the corner, i feel more calm than ever. even on the days where the pain has me miserable, i dont feel as "defeated", or im a lot less likely to cry or drive myself crazy with thoughts, because i know that soon this shit will be over and i'll no longer have to suffer. being at rock bottom and having nothing to lose is almost empowering, weirdly enough.

 

[thepolarbear]

"The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night."

― Nietzsche

 

[Kringle's Curse]

I feel the same way. Also hanging out in cemeteries is super relaxing and peaceful, it's my favorite place to be.

 

[Despondent]

Hell yeah! These thoughts comfort me when I feel like life's going to pieces. It's comforting because I can think about how I don't have to deal with any of this anymore if I don't want to (it's an escape).

 

[iki]

Knowing we always have a way out is what makes life bearable

 

[Moonicide]

You're not alone, love. And you are not weird for feeling the way you do... I can relate so much. The thought of not being in pain and not being here anymore brings me so much comfort. I wish that for everyone, whether they find that in life or death. And absolutely, ending your life takes a lot of courage and strength. Taking your fate into your own hands is a very powerful thing and it's important to sit with your emotions for a bit, really come to terms with it. It's a very heavy decision... Even when you are ready, there is always the fear of the unknown. No one knows what happens after death, there are so many possibilities and that could very much frighten many people... There's something holding you back right now, and that's okay. When you're truly at peace, ending your life will come naturally. You'll be ready for it. You'll just know as cliche as that sound. Please be kind to yourself, I know how frustrating it can be when you're battling with yourself. Battling with life and death... Until your time comes, just know we are here for you. And we will support you in whatever you choose to do in the end.

 

[Mizzmini45]

It helps me go to sleep

 

[memataporfavor]

Yea, I totally get you!!!! I'm not planing on doing it anytime soon but thinking of it constantly calms me a lot! It's like life is this cage or prison and the possibility of killing myself is the Key to locker to my cage! I'm thinking of buying my SN asap not necessarily to used but to have it around, to look at it, to feel less suffocated, you know?
I feel like drowining, desperate almost all the time, having it around would be my life jacket (ironically lmao)

Yea, I totally get you!!!! I'm not planing on doing it anytime soon but thinking of it constantly calms me a lot! It's like life is this cage or prison and the possibility of killing myself is the Key to my cage's locker I'm thinking of buying my SN asap not necessarily to used it but to have it around, to look at it, to feel less suffocated, you know?
I feel like drowining, desperate almost all the time, having it around would be my life jacket (ironically lmao)

 

[Circles]

It used to but now for me I'm tired of constantly thinking about it. Most of the time while I'm awake the thoughts are always there no matter how much I try to numb them out. I've invested so much time into those thoughts that it's consumed my personality and it's became another reason for why I want to die if this is all I'm going think and feel. Constantly thinking about killing yourself every single day is no way to live.

 

[LMLN]

I understand. Suicide comforts me too as an end to the unrelenting emotional pain I have. I'm working on staying, but sadly ctb thoughts are all that truly comfort me right now.

 

[Qbert]

It's how I meditate.

 

[TheOA]

At age 12, my father described me as melancholy so I believe I was born this way. The darker, deeper recesses of my mind have always been where I go for comfort, quiet, and joy. I've come to see the connection between these feelings and dying/the death process/preparing for death in recent years. The beauty of it all is reaffirming....and for me, it is natural and normal.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

This place actually helps me go without ctb. It seems to open a sort of relief valve on all the pressure that builds up in me. You are not alone, not by a long shot.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

It used to but now for me I'm tired of constantly thinking about it. Most of the time while I'm awake the thoughts are always there no matter how much I try to numb them out. I've invested so much time into those thoughts that it's consumed my personality and it's became another reason for why I want to die if this is all I'm going think and feel. Constantly thinking about killing yourself every single day is no way to live.

That's why listening to music helps a bit.
Suicide/death is constantly on my mind 24/7 so I have to use music to help me until the day I decide to end it.