Does anyone else fantasize about their death?

[WallowingWillow]

Lately I've been in constant acute mental distress and agony. My brain finds so much comfort by visualizing myself with a pistol in my mouth pointed perfectly at my brain stem. I picture the exact moment I pull the trigger and how it would be an instant total alleviation of my insufferable existence. Just silence and nothingness. It brings me some temporary relief to daydream about this very thing multiple times per day… I guess it's a coping mechanism? Wondering if anyone else does this too or is it just another reason I'm a fucking weirdo and designed for life on another planet

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I always fantasise about death. I see permanent non existence as peaceful. What I worry about is the process to get there

 

[AnderDethsky]

In recent months, I have somehow suspiciously often begun to fantasize about how, instead of dragging my own worthless existence from college to home, I will be replaced by a peaceful pastime in a warm, cozy bed with some kind of pneumonia or other serious illness with a temperature of +40 C and waiting for it to drop soon... up to room temperature . And before that, I'll listen some hard breakcore songs with surreal melodies and vocals and 300BPM drumming.

 

[lawlietsph]

Always. I fantasize about how my body will look like after I took SN. And how much pain am I going to be if I hang myself.
3 months ago I got diagnosed with Lyme disease and I had to force myself not to smile, laugh and celebrate in front of the doctor. I feel physical pain from it every single day and I am actually extremely happy about it, I wish it could hurt more. I want an illness that's destroying me so I can finally be gone.

 

[aceless_spade]

When I was in high school I constantly fantasized about jumping off the school's roof. Later in college I would walk across train tracks with headphones in not looking to hope I'd get hit by a train. Now I mainly think about taking a shotgun to the head.

 

[cohomology]

All the time.

 

[Defenestration]

All thé Time all thé days

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm always wishing I had a death like falling into an eternal, dreamless sleep to bring me peace from the cruelty and suffering of existing, for me personally the only relief could lie in never existing again which is why it feels so horrible how I cannot just free myself from this existence in such a way.

 

[maniac116]

I used to fantasize when laying in bed at night going to sleep, that I was dying or dead. It helped me get to sleep

 

[MeaCulpa]

Sometimes it feels childish, but every time I make a mistake, I tend to fantasize about it. Either slitting my throat or putting a loaded gun to my head (ironically, neither of which are my planned CTB methods.) It's one of the only things that gets my anxiety to calm down over mistakes- no matter how major or minuscule they might be.

 

[squidsponge]

There was a time I would enact being in a coffin and imagine myself in one how I would lie, imagining how people came over to the open casket , maybe I felt it would catapult me into a coffin somehow and I'd be gone.

 

[lann.371]

I fantasize about it a lot, just a comforting thought in my opinion

 

[folly_]

for the brief period that i was in college i was always finding my way to the top of tall buildings. id think about how it would feel to fall, daydream about it before i fell asleep. less tall buildings where i live now (´ρ`)

 

[late2life]

before sleeping, i usually fantasise about being killed by an imaginary lover or freefalling from a super high building and the adrenaline rush one last time

 

[darkness456]

Me imagining hanging in a dark forrest is my go to coping mechanism.