That's cool...but is that because you don't want to be talked out of it or hear what a bad idea it is? Because before you pull the trigger (to turn a phrase), you really should hear good sense from people who care, whether we know you or not. You said yourself that you don't expect to die. If this is a cry for help, there are a lot less painful/dangerous ways to do it. Even if you feel like hurting and punishing yourself right now, you might regret that when you're slowly dying of liver failure, shitting yourself in a hospital bed over a period of weeks or months. I know you're in a dark place, but you need to think about what you're planning. I say that with every awareness, as a man who is about to commit suicide. Torturing yourself with a fate worse than death is not the answer to anything, even less so than suicide. I'm only taking the time to type this because I give a shit, my friend.