Help They're finally including me in a Ketamine protocol, but too late. Need advices.

[d3c96524be95]

Foreword: If you don't want to read all the context, I'd really like hearing from you if:

• You used Ketamine in auto-medication (with Ketamine you sourced illegally). / How did you do it? What safety measures did you take? Did it work? Etc…
• You have specific knowledge on the differences between medical Ketamine (Spravato®) and Ketamine from the streets. How are they different? Will street Ketamine be as likely to be efficient against depression as Spravato®? Etc…

Thank you in advance .

---

So, it seems that my recent adventure with the emergency has given my name huge a boost on their ketamine protocol waitlist. The hospital just contacted me to start it on early September. Unfortunately, the protocol begins with a week long hospitalization and I'm supposed to start my new job at the exact same moment, therefore that won't be possible without postponing one or the other. I'm also worried that they'll want me to take SSRIs again (allegedly to potentiate the effect of Ketamine, but I'd like to see some relevant studies showing this potentiation actually exists when SSRIs have no effect in the first place).

I had plans to CTB in August before starting my new job, and I don't think I'll be able to postpone that too much if my current mental state remains like that. So it gave me an idea: what if I sourced Ketamine by myself (illegally) and tried it in auto-medication to see if it has any positive effect? It is said to alleviate depression symptoms and especially suicidal thoughts in just a matter of hours. Almost sounds like a Pascal's wager to me isn't it? Negative outcomes: it doesn't work, or I get scammed, or receive a low quality/hazardous product, then I'll CTB anyways if my brain isn't too damaged for that which would be very unlucky. Positive outcome: it has some efficiency, and I can continue the Ketamine protocol through the official ways (which means I won't have to source Ketamine from shady sources forever anyways). I'll need to watch out for dosages and do the thing as responsibly as possible given the context. And also try to find a reliable source which seems like the hardest part (as I never did drugs in my entire life).

I'm not thinking very clearly TBH, so I'd appreciate your opinions and advices on this. I'm also interested in your experience with auto-medicated ketamine, or specific or unspecific knowledge you might have on this topic. Any other contribution/appréciation/support is also welcome of course. I'll probably also have a chat with my psychiatrist (I can foresee what she's going to say though ).

Thanks all!

 

[western_heart]

I am a user of ketamine and other dissociative drugs. I was self-medicating for the first few years, but eventually I did get a prescription a year ago. I have trouble getting it reliably filled due to communication struggles, and it's not always seem enough, and I crave novel effects sometimes, so I often use research chemicals as well. I have been using them for a few years and it's had a profound effect on me. They didn't stop me from attempting (have had one serious attempt where I overdosed and didn't die, a few others where I stopped myself before doing anything potentially fatal), I'm still very broken, but the drugs have pulled me out of deep pits of despair and my experiences have helped me resolve traumatic memories. I've been able to work, intermittently.

Street ketamine could be as effective, if not moreso, than a metered dose nasal spray that you have a limited supply of. When self-medicating you pick the dosage and route of administration yourself. Spravato is specifically S-isomer ketamine; if one can source S-ketamine (there are vendors who purport to sell it), similar nasal sprays can be made at home, just with way less precision. In the US there are compounding pharmacies that will make (racemic) ketamine preparations on prescription; I get suppositories. When I use research chemicals or street K, I usually boof it. I don't like to snort drugs too often, though I've been wanting to try making my own sprays. There are vendors out there who make their own sprays too, but I've never tried it.

I have never done ketamine in a clinical setting, but when I'm at home (whether it's one of my prescribed doses or it's a research chemical), I have control over my environment, which is nice. I don't have to do it at a precise time of my appointment, though I do best when I have a consistent routine.

The best source of information I know of right now is probably Reddit, r/DIYtk. I also follow r/TherapeuticKetamine and r/KetamineTherapy. When I started there wasn't very much out there. I was already comfortable experimenting with drugs before starting k, so I sort of came up with my own treatment plan on my own, starting with 2F-DCK.

 

[d3c96524be95]

I am a user of ketamine and other dissociative drugs. I was self-medicating for the first few years, but eventually I did get a prescription a year ago. I have trouble getting it reliably filled due to communication struggles, and it's not always seem enough, and I crave novel effects sometimes, so I often use research chemicals as well. I have been using them for a few years and it's had a profound effect on me. They didn't stop me from attempting (have had one serious attempt where I overdosed and didn't die, a few others where I stopped myself before doing anything potentially fatal), I'm still very broken, but the drugs have pulled me out of deep pits of despair and my experiences have helped me resolve traumatic memories. I've been able to work, intermittently.

Street ketamine could be as effective, if not moreso, than a metered dose nasal spray that you have a limited supply of. When self-medicating you pick the dosage and route of administration yourself. Spravato is specifically S-isomer ketamine; if one can source S-ketamine (there are vendors who purport to sell it), similar nasal sprays can be made at home, just with way less precision. In the US there are compounding pharmacies that will make (racemic) ketamine preparations on prescription; I get suppositories. When I use research chemicals or street K, I usually boof it. I don't like to snort drugs too often, though I've been wanting to try making my own sprays. There are vendors out there who make their own sprays too, but I've never tried it.

I have never done ketamine in a clinical setting, but when I'm at home (whether it's one of my prescribed doses or it's a research chemical), I have control over my environment, which is nice. I don't have to do it at a precise time of my appointment, though I do best when I have a consistent routine.

The best source of information I know of right now is probably Reddit, r/DIYtk. I also follow r/TherapeuticKetamine and r/KetamineTherapy. When I started there wasn't very much out there. I was already comfortable experimenting with drugs before starting k, so I sort of came up with my own treatment plan on my own, starting with 2F-DCK.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me, it means a lot. I'm glad you pointed out relevant subreddit communites as it seems I'll learn a lot from them.

I've found a few sources selling ready-to-use nasal sprays of racemic Ketamine, but they seem to add unknown "secret" junk to the saline solution (allegedly to "reduce harm" and improve potency) which sounds suspicious as fuck to me. I've also found crystals of "pure" S, R and racemic Ketamine, but I'm not sure how I'm supposed to consume that. I'd like to avoid snorting directly. I've read about some DIY nasal sprays techniques but they sound unreliable dose-wise as you pointed out. I'm clueless about boofing, I suspect bioavailabilty would be rather low, wouldn't it?

Obviously, I'd prefer following an "official" protocol, under proper medical surveillance, with approved and controlled substances. But it seems that my country only allows experimental protocols with full hospitalization at the moment, which I'm not able to attend. No external prescription allowed, no nothing. I'll try to find a solution in this path, but unlikely.

Thank you again @western_heart for your detailed reply. I was sad to read about your struggles and I hope you'll be able to find some relief .

 

[d3c96524be95]

They decided to bring the hospitalization forward again, so I'm currently staying at the mental hospital. I'm not sure when (or if) I'll start taking S-Ketamine, I hope ASAP. I don't really expect it to be beneficial, but at least my mother will be happy I tried.

Doctors and nurses I've met so far were nice. The only incident was that they wanted to take my clothes and put me in their branded pyjama, which I kindly declined. I explained that it was humiliating and groundless because I had previously clearly stated that I would never SA within an hospital. They said it was their policy, and I responded that I understood and was comfortable going back home if we couldn't find an agreement. So they made me swear and sign with my blood that I won't SA in the hospital. I am a man of honnor, I sweared and signed . I'll CTB just after my discharge, no worries . Trust is such an issue in these wards, wtf.

They gave me some benzos and antihistamine for stress and sleep, so I'm flying a bit atm. I know they always do that to all patients to make the staff's life easier. I don't care at this point, just make me sleep forever, I'm begging you.

It will be a long and boring stay. Please, family and doctors, let me leave this hospital ASAP, just after the first few bootstrap doses. Don't wait until my suicidal thoughts are over because those aren't going anywhere and I don't want to spend more of my life in this place.

I think I'll update this thread from time to time, in order to document about my experience with S-Ketamine, and the key moments of my stay. I'm mostly doing it to burn some time, so I don't expect many to read or support me, but if you do thank you.

 

[d3c96524be95]

I took my first S-Ketamine shot this morning. My mind is a bit blurry because of all the benzos they're prescribing me here, but I think they used Spavato@28mg, which is a low dose of S-Ketamine mainly to evaluate my tolerance in a first attempt.

It was a peculiar experience. I played some instrumental music, put on my face mask, and started my travel. I would define it as close to lucid dreaming, or a simple hypnagogia with the mind being more free to move around. Medical surveillance lasted 30 minutes, but it felt a lot shorter during "the dream" (I'd have bet 5 minutes). I was then on my own, very dizzy and light-headed. It wasn't uncomfortable, but I had a lot of troubles walking, coordinating, articulating. I was not normally thinking. I can understand why some take this for recreative purporses.

My main discomfort during the experience was that I tasted the bitter mixture flowing through my throat, and it wasn't very pleasant. I don't know if I did something wrong during my inhalation.

I saw no benefit on my symptoms yet, and they explained that it was because the dose were too low yet to be therapeutic. I still think they're delusional to imagine this has the slightest chance of helping me. But whatever. Let's pretend I can be helped.

Next dose on friday if everything's correct, and this time it should be a therapeutic dose.

 

[HighFlight]

I hope tomorrow goes well for you.

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

Ketamine is one of the most effective treatments available! I hope it works for you. There's like an 80% chance it will! That's good, right???

 

[StuntRobo]

Best of luck friend

 

[d3c96524be95]

Thank you for the support.

I got my second dose of S-Ketamine today. It's still not supposted to be enough to be therapeutic, but dang that shit is strong. Everything was so distorted, in time, in space, I saw so many things, it was surreal and frightening at the same time. The background music I put did help a bit for guidance. After the session, I was light-headed and confused, and am still a bit. I cried for once.

I'm curious and also anxious about the next dose (thursday). I can see this trip going horribly wrong, and I still don't understand how all this is supposed to help me with my depression.

I feel so screwed. I still want to catch that bus so hard.

 

[HighFlight]

Sounds like we might be taking this journey together. It was definitely surreal and I agree about the background music. Did you get to pick your own? My therapist selected mine after we talked about the type of music I like. But she refused to use any music with lyrics.

 

[d3c96524be95]

Did you get to pick your own? My therapist selected mine after we talked about the type of music I like. But she refused to use any music with lyrics.

I can pick the music I want, but I tried random playlists from the internet in order to dive into the complete unknown. I'm allowed any music, including music with lyrics, but I can understand why those would be considered less interesting. I don't like lyrics much in music anyways.

 

[HighFlight]

I like all types of music, but agreed to use instrumentals with piano and strings. (Something like the Piano Guys.) I'd send you the list, but my therapist actual picked the songs and it was not anything I recognized. She included several songs with a strong drum section, with almost a tribal rhythm.

I'd be curious to see what you picked if you don't mind sharing. (feel free to PM me if you're not comfortable with such an open setting.)

 

[d3c96524be95]

I like all types of music, but agreed to use instrumentals with piano and strings. (Something like the Piano Guys.) I'd send you the list, but my therapist actual picked the songs and it was not anything I recognized. She included several songs with a strong drum section, with almost a tribal rhythm.

I'd be curious to see what you picked if you don't mind sharing. (feel free to PM me if you're not comfortable with such an open setting.)

For today's session I picked a random playlist I found on Spotify : I found that interesting enough. You just need too recall to enable shuffle.

I'm also working on my own playlist as a WIP, but I can't share it plublicly for privacy reasons and I'm not too sure it works well.

 

[HighFlight]

Thank you for sharing. I hope your new list works well for you.

 

[HighFlight]

@d3c96524be95 - How are you feeling now, a couple days since your last session?

I'm curious and also anxious about the next dose (thursday). I can see this trip going horribly wrong, and I still don't understand how all this is supposed to help me with my depression.

As usual, science is still trying to figure it out. But from what they explained to me is that psychedelics help in a couple of ways. They make it such that the brain has an easier time building new connections between cells - neuro pathways. And the sights and sounds can be clues as to how your current pathways operate. I know this is an over simplification, but its the best I've got so far.

Hopeful your session Thursday will go well.

 

[Celerity]

I took my first S-Ketamine shot this morning. My mind is a bit blurry because of all the benzos they're prescribing me here, but I think they used Spavato@28mg, which is a low dose of S-Ketamine mainly to evaluate my tolerance in a first attempt.

It was a peculiar experience. I played some instrumental music, put on my face mask, and started my travel. I would define it as close to lucid dreaming, or a simple hypnagogia with the mind being more free to move around. Medical surveillance lasted 30 minutes, but it felt a lot shorter during "the dream" (I'd have bet 5 minutes). I was then on my own, very dizzy and light-headed. It wasn't uncomfortable, but I had a lot of troubles walking, coordinating, articulating. I was not normally thinking. I can understand why some take this for recreative purporses.

My main discomfort during the experience was that I tasted the bitter mixture flowing through my throat, and it wasn't very pleasant. I don't know if I did something wrong during my inhalation.

I saw no benefit on my symptoms yet, and they explained that it was because the dose were too low yet to be therapeutic. I still think they're delusional to imagine this has the slightest chance of helping me. But whatever. Let's pretend I can be helped.

Next dose on friday if everything's correct, and this time it should be a therapeutic dose.

Thank you for sharing your experience on here, and I hope the treatment helps.

 

[d3c96524be95]

Third course of Spravato yesterday, 3x28mg, 5 minutes between each dose. It was an absolute nightmare. One of the most oppressive, frightening and sad experience in my whole life. After taking the shots, I put on some music and tried to relax, but the sound became uncomfortable to unbearable at one point, so I had to stop it. Then it quickly felt like space became narrower and narrower and I felt more and more compressed in my bed. I had lots of sounds, colors, images, ideas, concepts, voices coming to my mind, but I still felt lifeless. Like a pole, sitting there, meaningless. I don't know if some of you have already played Half-Life: when you die, you freeze and you see the world around you distorted and in diagonal. I felt just like that, and feared that this state would last forever. When I was able to move again, I started crying a lot, and it kept going on for the rest of the day and the night. I would not be able to explain why, I was just sad for no reason.

I'm still skeptical how this is considered treatment and not torture, but whatever at this point. I'll have another round on friday.

They also want to try another antidepressent on me which is another issue. I hope I can decline it.

Thank you for sharing your experience on here, and I hope the treatment helps.

 

[Celerity]

Third course of Spravato yesterday, 3x28mg, 5 minutes between each dose. It was an absolute nightmare. One of the most oppressive, frightening and sad experience in my whole life. After taking the shots, I put on some music and tried to relax, but the sound became uncomfortable to unbearable at one point, so I had to stop it. Then it quickly felt like space became narrower and narrower and I felt more and more compressed in my bed. I had lots of sounds, colors, images, ideas, concepts, voices coming to my mind, but I still felt lifeless. Like a pole, sitting there, meaningless. I don't know if some of you have already played Half-Life: when you die, you freeze and you see the world around you distorted and in diagonal. I felt just like that, and feared that this state would last forever. When I was able to move again, I started crying a lot, and it kept going on for the rest of the day and the night. I would not be able to explain why, I was just sad for no reason.

I'm still skeptical how this is considered treatment and not torture, but whatever at this point. I'll have another round on friday.

They also want to try another antidepressent on me which is another issue. I hope I can decline it.

I wondered how they would handle "bad trips" and assumed they had some kind of protocol in place. I'm sorry I was wrong.

 

[d3c96524be95]

I wondered how they would handle "bad trips" and assumed they had some kind of protocol in place. I'm sorry I was wrong.

Honestly it didn't feel like they had a protocol at all. I wasn't even under surveillance when it happened. I had to text my mother by myself and was barely able to do so. She asked doctors and nurses if everything was ok, and they just checked my vitals after she insisted. Later on, they said to her my reaction was probably a good sign that the treatment was effective (Based on what? I guess we'll never know ).

Terrifies me for friday.

 

[HighFlight]

When I had my session, I used eye shades to cover my eyes. I took the ketamine orally and had to spit it out after 15 minutes. The drug kicked in about 5 minutes after I started, and you're right, the room looked weird. My therapist helped put on the shades and I was no longer able to be distracted by the room. Maybe that could help?

Also, bad trips with Ketamine are no unheard of, and I've heard they're referred to as a k-hole. My therapist talked to me about this possibility ahead of time, and she said if I showed any signs of a bad trip, she could help by physically distracting me and talking to me. Fortunately, I didn't have any issues. But wondering if you could go into the trip with a safe place or word in your mind that you could focus on if you ended up in another k-hole.

I found out today from my doctor that ketamine therapy is done two basic ways. One approach is using it in multiple session per week over a couple weeks. The goal is biological changes in the brain. The other approach is using it to provide insights and meaning in deeply repressed thoughts and emotions. It sounds like your doing the first method and I'm on the second.

Thank you for continuing to share. Good luck with the next session.

 

[d3c96524be95]

When I had my session, I used eye shades to cover my eyes. I took the ketamine orally and had to spit it out after 15 minutes. The drug kicked in about 5 minutes after I started, and you're right, the room looked weird. My therapist helped put on the shades and I was no longer able to be distracted by the room. Maybe that could help?

Actually yes, I think my night mask was useful to get relaxed in my first two sessions, but this time I had to wear it off along with the music as it didn't feel "right". I believe it was about my mindset at that moment in time rather than something specific about the setting. As soon as that "weird" feeling had initiated, it was too late already.

But thinking of it twice, wearing off the mask might have played a role in my intense nausea afterwards, so maybe wearing it off wasn't a good idea after all. I think I'll go against my intuition and keep the music and the mask on should that happen again.

Also, bad trips with Ketamine are no unheard of, and I've heard they're referred to as a k-hole. My therapist talked to me about this possibility ahead of time, and she said if I showed any signs of a bad trip, she could help by physically distracting me and talking to me. Fortunately, I didn't have any issues. But wondering if you could go into the trip with a safe place or word in your mind that you could focus on if you ended up in another k-hole.

Seems consistent with wikipedia indeed . Thank you. I thought the K-Hole was only dose-dependant, but apparently the dose is just one factor among others.

I found out today from my doctor that ketamine therapy is done two basic ways. One approach is using it in multiple session per week over a couple weeks. The goal is biological changes in the brain. The other approach is using it to provide insights and meaning in deeply repressed thoughts and emotions. It sounds like your doing the first method and I'm on the second.

. Let's hope you get the insights, and I get the chemicals changes then. Do you have PTSD or something similar (feel free to not answer)? I wonder in which case one approach is preferred over the other, or if one is approved in some countries while the other isn't. I doubt your way is approved in France, but US looks a lot more relaxed with Ketamine than France.

One of the nurses here told me about 2 sessions per week during 8 weeks. I hope I'll be able to leave this hospital or CTB sooner than that though. Then I think there are (monthly?) maintenance sessions which are another constraint. If ketamine turns out useful, I think I'll do the maintenance sessions by myself, using street Ketamine.

Thank you for continuing to share. Good luck with the next session.

Thank you for taking time reading through my experiences and sharing your own. I hope to hear from you again, that's genuinely helpful.

 

[HighFlight]

I'm working with both a psychiatric nurse practioneer (NP) and a therapist. The NP is providing the prescriptions for the ketamine, but I am taking it under the guidance of my therapist. This is done about once a month, with time between sessions to allow the brain to "heal". However, the NP does work directly with other patients using Spravato, and will meet with them multiple times a week over several weeks. So here in the US, it's dependent upon the medical professional you're working with.

Nobody has formally put a name to what I suffer from, but it's a combination of depression, anxiety, PTSD, ADHD, social phobia, etc. I'm in the category of "Highly Functional" which has made getting any help very difficult. The other major difficulty is most of the mental health care services are aimed at people half my age.

I hope I'll be able to leave this hospital or CTB sooner than that though

Let's stay positive for now, and hope you'll be able to leave the hospital soon and in a better place.

 

[marshmallowfluff]

How are you feeling having had a couple of treatments now? I know it isn't a miracle cure, but has it quietened your suicidal thoughts any?

 

[d3c96524be95]

How are you feeling having had a couple of treatments now? I know it isn't a miracle cure, but has it quietened your suicidal thoughts any?

Thanks for asking.

I can only say reliably that I've been less submerged with dark and suicidal thoughts *today*. I still think I should suicide when I think of it rationnally, but the "bad" thoughts were less severe today. Apart from today, I've not been able to identify any significant change in my suicidal ideations.

Unfortunately, we'll never know if it's an outcome of the ketamine treatment or just pure randomness. I've been oscillating like this for years now. Good news if it stabilizes though.

 

[d3c96524be95]

Today's session went very smoothly. I got high, faced my surrealist dreams for an hour, then got dizzy for the next 5 hours (as expected). As I was anxious (mainly due to the previous session), one of the nurse agreed to stand by me a little longer after the administration of the drug. This guy was so nice, we need more people like him on Earth. He talked to me several times during the session, and I think it was really helpful for me in retrospect. When I'm on ketamine, a lot of my thoughts revolve around death, meaninglessness of life and thanatophobia, which are particularly distressing for me, especially when I dissociate completely. When I heard him a few times talking to me during my "dream", I didn't understand what he was saying or what he wanted, but it felt he was holding the string that kept the kite from flying away. So reassuring.

I took the risk to go with my own custom music playlist again. I don't think chosing the music carefully matters that much after all, because my brain focuses on very different aspects of music than normally. It's more about "textures" and "cohesion", hard to explain, but harmony, genre, mood or any common qualifier becomes way less relevant under ket. So from now on, I think I'll just pick tracks that don't make me nervous, that I find rich and intersting (regardless if I like them or not), and try to re-discover them. Don't get me wrong, music plays a central role, but it's hard to predict how specific choices are going to affect the session. I can also forsee that it might be possible to enjoy the experience without music and without an eye mask, but that looks harder to master for me at the moment.

My brain also seemed dedicated to create genuine universes associated with each music atmosphere I encountered in my playlist. Like augmented reality real-time video clips, with very limited boundaries. It was a very pleasant feeling and it was nice to experience a bit with it. Similar to ludic dreaming of some of you have already experienced that, except that you don't freak out because you're gonna wake up if you have a strong emotion. I'd pay a lot to extract video files or 3D files from those thoughts, if only modern technology could do that.

That being said, nice trip, but I'm still skeptical with the mental health part. Got highly suicidal and dark again tonight . I doubt medicine can help me.

Thank you everyons involved in the thread.

 

[HighFlight]

Glad to hear you had a better experience. This is definitely not an exact science, so some experimentation is needed. Hopefully, you can find a protocol that works for. Maybe ask about switching to Ketamine assisted Therapy, similar to what I'm doing, or even a hybrid approach.

Side question, and I apologize if you already answered, but what country are you from?

I doubt medicine can help me.

You've only been through a couple sessions, and you and the medical staff are trying to figure some things out. I know it's tough, but give yourself some time. If you're already convinced that it won't work, then it probably won't. A little patience and trust could go along way here. (easier said than done, I know.)

 

[d3c96524be95]

Glad to hear you had a better experience. This is definitely not an exact science, so some experimentation is needed. Hopefully, you can find a protocol that works for. Maybe ask about switching to Ketamine assisted Therapy, similar to what I'm doing, or even a hybrid approach.

Side question, and I apologize if you already answered, but what country are you from?

I'm from France.

You've only been through a couple sessions, and you and the medical staff are trying to figure some things out. I know it's tough, but give yourself some time. If you're already convinced that it won't work, then it probably won't. A little patience and trust could go along way here. (easier said than done, I know.)

I was saying this because I've been trying (and been abused by) psychiatry for 15 years. Most of their diagnoses are made-up. Now they're telling me that Ketamine is a short/mid-term solution to get out of the "current crisis" (which isn't a crisis BTW), and that the long term solution are still their SSRIs and stuff which have disastrous side-effects and never worked the slightest on me.

 

[HighFlight]

I'm from France.



I was saying this because I've been trying (and been abused by) psychiatry for 15 years. Most of their diagnoses are made-up. Now they're telling me that Ketamine is a short/mid-term solution to get out of the "current crisis" (which isn't a crisis BTW), and that the long term solution are still their SSRIs and stuff which have disastrous side-effects and never worked the slightest on me.

My understanding is that scientists don't know the long term effects of Ketamine on depression. They know it's safe, the drug has been used on humans for decades. But they are just beginning to test its use on depression. So far, it has proven to work short term, but they only have a couple years of data. Not enough to say it works long term. End result is doctors fall back to what science has proven.

I'm hopefully that ketamine will work long term, even if that means a maintenance dose every so often. Time will tell...

 

[GachiBoy]

Me n ma boy got high on it last summer, he's a battle medic and he had a steady supply of it, what we would do is cook it. We poured it into a bowl and placed it on top of pot with boiling water and waited until turned from liquid into crystals, then we snorted it. It's a safe drug, you can't really OD on it, cuz it doesn't affect the breathing centre in your brain. So it's safe, cool and the great thing about it is that you can't make it at home, so the stuff that is on the streets is medical grade drug stolen from somewhere else, well if they sell it in ampullae that is, in powder form it can be mixed with something. And it helped my friend somewhat recover from his PTSD and we were using it recreationally, so I think that with the help of medical professionals it yields even better results.

 

[d3c96524be95]

Me n ma boy got high on it last summer, he's a battle medic and he had a steady supply of it, what we would do is cook it. We poured it into a bowl and placed it on top of pot with boiling water and waited until turned from liquid into crystals, then we snorted it. It's a safe drug, you can't really OD on it, cuz it doesn't affect the breathing centre in your brain. So it's safe, cool and the great thing about it is that you can't make it at home, so the stuff that is on the streets is medical grade drug stolen from somewhere else, well if they sell it in ampullae that is, in powder form it can be mixed with something. And it helped my friend somewhat recover from his PTSD and we were using it recreationally, so I think that with the help of medical professionals it yields even better results.

Thanks for the heads-up.

I had a new session yesterday, and I would easily describe that as one of the most terrifying experience in my entire life. It was even worse than my previous bad trip.

I had the strongest derealization symptom ever. It made me sad because as everything was unreal, so were my family and my friend. A doctor came in at one point, and I felt like he was part of the simulation. One section of my brain knew I was just tripping because of ketamine and that it wouldn't last, but the rest of it was boiling and was persuaded this state was my new life from now on. I had less visual hallucinations than last time, but light and sounds were unbearable and very distorted. Had trouble breathing (probably because of the stress). It really felt like dying or experiencing death.

After a while, the effects started to fade out and only left me with nausea. I was hungry like never before, and I ate the hospital's meal tray like a horse. But very soon later, a second wave of ketamine stroke (I still don't explain why, this never happened to me in any previous session). This extra trip was short but very intense. It's best described as a deeply-nested déjà vu. I was living this scene of the nurse checking my vitals in the exact same position and manner for the 1000th time, therefore I thought I was back in the simulation and would never get out. I was suffering. After she checked on me, I took the nurse's hand in mine and it was weird because Ketamine is an anesthesic (so it felt like she had 7 fingers or something), but this tiny corridor to reality felt comforting and helped at diminishing my stress until the effects stopped.

Well, I'm not sure I want to try ketamine again . I know the trip is highly suggestible, but this was out of control. And again, I'm skeptical this is helpful because I don't think my issue is biological.