These last days are surreal...

[TydalWave]

Yeah... So the thought of my impending death has begun to linger over every moment I have left.

I had dinner with my father tonight (I see him maybe once every couple of months), and I couldn't help but think that this would be the last conversation I would ever have with him.

In the moment it felt surreal. Like I was spectating the conversation from the outside looking in with pure nostalgia. I didn't realize how important these final moments I spend with people were and how they will inevitably stick with them forever after I pass. I wish I could tell everyone how I am truly feeling but I know few people would be accepting of the decisions I am making.

So for the time being, I feel like I owe it to those around me to have meaningful moments before I go. As hard as that is, in the state that I am in, I want to leave people with as much as I can. I am just so conflicted because there are so many things that I feel obligated to do before I leave and I just don't know how much I can muster before my clock runs up. I am really feeling these final moments start to sink in as every interaction feels like the last.

 

[theboy]

a veces la vida es ambigua y surrealista

 

[lessonlearned]

i feel like i might start thinking about this soon too as i get closer. it's a really weird feeling huh? it's weird to be aware while others are unaware.

 

[farakini]

Yeah... So the thought of my impending death has begun to linger over every moment I have left.

I had dinner with my father tonight (I see him maybe once every couple of months), and I couldn't help but think that this would be the last conversation I would ever have with him.

In the moment it felt surreal. Like I was spectating the conversation from the outside looking in with pure nostalgia. I didn't realize how important these final moments I spend with people were and how they will inevitably stick with them forever after I pass. I wish I could tell everyone how I am truly feeling but I know few people would be accepting of the decisions I am making.

So for the time being, I feel like I owe it to those around me to have meaningful moments before I go. As hard as that is, in the state that I am in, I want to leave people with as much as I can. I am just so conflicted because there are so many things that I feel obligated to do before I leave and I just don't know how much I can muster before my clock runs up. I am really feeling these final moments start to sink in as every interaction feels like the last.

Be careful not to spend your last moments trying to please others and making sure they're okay. You owe it to yourself to at least do something solely for your own pleasure…include others if you want but make sure it's not just for them to have a piece of you before you go.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do think that it would be much better if we lived in a world where suicide is not so stigmatised and people could be open about their wish to leave. This would give others time to come to terms with the person's decision and they wouldn't feel so shocked when the person finally leaves. But I do believe that it's better to stay quiet about our plans of course as so many people don't accept suicide and they see it as not being a valid decision. I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[achromatic]

Yeah Im familiar with this surreal feeling. Yet I cannot bring myself to stop being a recluse, I just don't have the energy. I too wish my last moments with family were meaningful, but I don't want to accidently become upset or agressive and destroy it and Im feeling kinda unstable emotionaly though now mostly numb
Oh and op take care about your emotional wellbeing as well

 

[TydalWave]

Oh and op take care about your emotional wellbeing as well

The irony of taking care of your emotional well-being when planning to CTB.

 

[achromatic]

Yeah it is ironic, maybe I worded it weirdly but it also important to be as comfortable as you can possibly be with decison you are about to make which is easier said than done I guess

 

[universe]

Yeah... So the thought of my impending death has begun to linger over every moment I have left.

I had dinner with my father tonight (I see him maybe once every couple of months), and I couldn't help but think that this would be the last conversation I would ever have with him.

In the moment it felt surreal. Like I was spectating the conversation from the outside looking in with pure nostalgia. I didn't realize how important these final moments I spend with people were and how they will inevitably stick with them forever after I pass. I wish I could tell everyone how I am truly feeling but I know few people would be accepting of the decisions I am making.

So for the time being, I feel like I owe it to those around me to have meaningful moments before I go. As hard as that is, in the state that I am in, I want to leave people with as much as I can. I am just so conflicted because there are so many things that I feel obligated to do before I leave and I just don't know how much I can muster before my clock runs up. I am really feeling these final moments start to sink in as every interaction feels like the last.

I easily understand your situation. When the CTB becomes concrete, everyday moments take on new meaning, even the most mundane. The last time, I thought going to the hairdresser that it would probably be the last time. Or the last time I would see such a person. I'm not sad but it's weird. I live every moment in another dimension : other people live it fully, but like you, there is this visual effect, this nostalgia that makes them different. And we want to shout it to the world, that we are going soon to die and that the others should benefit because we will soon be leaving. And they obviously act as if we are going to live when we know that everything is going to stop. And we can't say anything, or people don't take us seriously and think it's wrong.
It can also reinforce feelings of guilt and mental instability.

I hope you get better, I send you all my prayers. I wish you the best.

 

[TydalWave]

I easily understand your situation. When the CTB becomes concrete, everyday moments take on new meaning, even the most mundane. The last time, I thought going to the hairdresser that it would probably be the last time. Or the last time I would see such a person. I'm not sad but it's weird. I live every moment in another dimension : other people live it fully, but like you, there is this visual effect, this nostalgia that makes them different. And we want to shout it to the world, that we are going soon to die and that the others should benefit because we will soon be leaving. And they obviously act as if we are going to live when we know that everything is going to stop. And we can't say anything, or people don't take us seriously and think it's wrong.
It can also reinforce feelings of guilt and mental instability.

I hope you get better, I send you all my prayers. I wish you the best.

You said it better than I could. Even trivial interactions I have day to day with strangers are enveloped in this weird atmosphere now.

I wonder if they will see my name in the paper or on the news and say hey, I've seen that guy. Seems super self-centered to think about in retrospect.