This is a longer post, half vent, about loneliness and shit, explaining what I tried... Im suffering a lot and I dont see an exit...
When I post my vent posts in reddit (sorry for using it, I dont really have anything else), I usually get comments either telling me to go to a therapist or seek help, or directly blaming me for not doing so... Or blaming me for not "deciding to be fixed". Its very hurtful...
So here is the full explanation of all the help available and what I tried, lets see if this so called help is in this room with us...
In 2010 I used to go to the health center here. There were 2 psychiatrists, one was the boss of the ward. There were 2 psychologist and 2 nurses. I got assigned the boss, went a couple of sessions. Hes the type of guy that wants his sessions to talk with the patient like if it was a bar buddy, and if he isnt laughing at the end, then you are a "bad patient"... I was absolutely destroyed back then, although I suppose not as much as now... Last session he told me I was like a "little kid" for not trying to do better... Basically, what a redditor says. That was the last time I went with him.
I talked a couple of times with the nurse and she was nice. We didnt see eye to eye, but I saw that she cared... After months of not going, I was suffering so much that I tried going back and tried to switch psychiatrists... And he denied it... So again, I didnt go back.
Months later, I tried again I was still destroyed, wanting to die, no strength to fight this shit or "for my rights" or anything... But I still went back and talked to the nurse and said she would talk to the boss, and finally did let me talk to the other psychiatrist.
I was lucky, this one cared. To the point that instead of giving me visits every month, she gave me every week, which they usually dont do, cause they are very busy. She tried several medications with me, but the hole was always there. Eventually she left and came a different one, and I was lucky cause this one cared too and tried different medications. But after months, she left too. All this was 2010-2013. Also, I remember the psychiatrist and nurse telling me that the used to bring my topic at the reunions of friday, so the boss knew me.
I also tried to go to a psychologist from there and the dude just want to talk about philosophy... So I didnt go back... Tried to switch to the other psychologist but had too many patients.
The new psychiatrist was mean to me... So I didnt go back...
In 2017 I found a psychologist online which was nice to me. We talked every week, and of course it costed money... I think it was for 1 year... But all we did was talk. I felt a bit less lonely, but I felt bad cause it was paying for that. Also we had a discussion, precisely because of this topic, so it ended too.
I tried to search for more, talked to several more, but it went mostly bad. First session, most showed very little caring. A couple lasted more, but it was just talking... The last one, I tried to "force" therapy by telling her I wanted to do actual therapy, not just talking, but she tried something with me that didnt work at all, which was to try to explain where in my body I feel the pain... Which didnt work at all cause I dont feel the pain that way. This was 2019.
I tried reaching autism associations... There are several and most are for kids. There is one that had psychologists and I tried talking to several there... I felt like they didnt care, and one cared but idk... It was just talking again, felt the same as before, so I stopped... 2023
I was still suffering so I tried again in the same association, but... It was just the same again... 2025
Today I went to the psychiatrist appointment. I had 2 previous, and he doesnt care at all. Im suffering, Im at the end of the rope. This time, Im really at the end... So I pushed... I tried to switch psychiatrist, there is still the old boss and another one whom i talked in the past and I dont even remember, I suppose I saw that she doesnt care either.
Now "look at all the help":
Back then in 2013, the nurse and the nice psychiatrists told me that if I ever feel very very sad, that I should go there and tell somebody, and they would sort it out and could talk to someone. After the appointment, I told the receptionist... The receptionist told the psychiatrist, which was free with no appointments, I could literally see it. This one said that she had to ask the boss... After a while, the boss and her talked to me, in the public hallway with other patents and asked me "what I wanted". I was taken aback about the lack of tact, so I said "years ago, they told me if I was very very sad I could come and ask to talk to somebody"... I was trying to hold myself and not cry.
These two looked at themselves without knowing what to do, like idiot number 1 and idiot number 2. This is specially aggravating of the boss, who remembered me... They told me that "if I want a visit, I had to follow the procedure"... They didnt get that this was beyond that... They kept staring at me waiting for me to say something. So I said "its okay, then its decided". They kept looking at me... And I just went away.
I tried sending an email to the boss of the autism association again, because I just dont know who to reach anymore. She doesnt know what to do with me. Shes a psychologist too.
I also dont have strength to be fighting for this shit, to try to get help. I barely have the strength to live. Im suffering a lot. I have a massive executive function disorder that doenst let me do a lot of stuff.
I literally dont know who to reach anymore. Always "there is so much help". There is no help. Im alone. Not only alone in the romantic, connection, true friend way. Im completely alone.
There is no help.
Right now I wrote an email to the suicide help line... I dont even know why. Just leave me alone, dont ask, I dont know why. I cant really call due to my anxiety... So I sent an email...
When I post my vent posts in reddit (sorry for using it, I dont really have anything else), I usually get comments either telling me to go to a therapist or seek help, or directly blaming me for not doing so... Or blaming me for not "deciding to be fixed". Its very hurtful...
So here is the full explanation of all the help available and what I tried, lets see if this so called help is in this room with us...
In 2010 I used to go to the health center here. There were 2 psychiatrists, one was the boss of the ward. There were 2 psychologist and 2 nurses. I got assigned the boss, went a couple of sessions. Hes the type of guy that wants his sessions to talk with the patient like if it was a bar buddy, and if he isnt laughing at the end, then you are a "bad patient"... I was absolutely destroyed back then, although I suppose not as much as now... Last session he told me I was like a "little kid" for not trying to do better... Basically, what a redditor says. That was the last time I went with him.
I talked a couple of times with the nurse and she was nice. We didnt see eye to eye, but I saw that she cared... After months of not going, I was suffering so much that I tried going back and tried to switch psychiatrists... And he denied it... So again, I didnt go back.
Months later, I tried again I was still destroyed, wanting to die, no strength to fight this shit or "for my rights" or anything... But I still went back and talked to the nurse and said she would talk to the boss, and finally did let me talk to the other psychiatrist.
I was lucky, this one cared. To the point that instead of giving me visits every month, she gave me every week, which they usually dont do, cause they are very busy. She tried several medications with me, but the hole was always there. Eventually she left and came a different one, and I was lucky cause this one cared too and tried different medications. But after months, she left too. All this was 2010-2013. Also, I remember the psychiatrist and nurse telling me that the used to bring my topic at the reunions of friday, so the boss knew me.
I also tried to go to a psychologist from there and the dude just want to talk about philosophy... So I didnt go back... Tried to switch to the other psychologist but had too many patients.
The new psychiatrist was mean to me... So I didnt go back...
In 2017 I found a psychologist online which was nice to me. We talked every week, and of course it costed money... I think it was for 1 year... But all we did was talk. I felt a bit less lonely, but I felt bad cause it was paying for that. Also we had a discussion, precisely because of this topic, so it ended too.
I tried to search for more, talked to several more, but it went mostly bad. First session, most showed very little caring. A couple lasted more, but it was just talking... The last one, I tried to "force" therapy by telling her I wanted to do actual therapy, not just talking, but she tried something with me that didnt work at all, which was to try to explain where in my body I feel the pain... Which didnt work at all cause I dont feel the pain that way. This was 2019.
I tried reaching autism associations... There are several and most are for kids. There is one that had psychologists and I tried talking to several there... I felt like they didnt care, and one cared but idk... It was just talking again, felt the same as before, so I stopped... 2023
I was still suffering so I tried again in the same association, but... It was just the same again... 2025
Today I went to the psychiatrist appointment. I had 2 previous, and he doesnt care at all. Im suffering, Im at the end of the rope. This time, Im really at the end... So I pushed... I tried to switch psychiatrist, there is still the old boss and another one whom i talked in the past and I dont even remember, I suppose I saw that she doesnt care either.
Now "look at all the help":
Back then in 2013, the nurse and the nice psychiatrists told me that if I ever feel very very sad, that I should go there and tell somebody, and they would sort it out and could talk to someone. After the appointment, I told the receptionist... The receptionist told the psychiatrist, which was free with no appointments, I could literally see it. This one said that she had to ask the boss... After a while, the boss and her talked to me, in the public hallway with other patents and asked me "what I wanted". I was taken aback about the lack of tact, so I said "years ago, they told me if I was very very sad I could come and ask to talk to somebody"... I was trying to hold myself and not cry.
These two looked at themselves without knowing what to do, like idiot number 1 and idiot number 2. This is specially aggravating of the boss, who remembered me... They told me that "if I want a visit, I had to follow the procedure"... They didnt get that this was beyond that... They kept staring at me waiting for me to say something. So I said "its okay, then its decided". They kept looking at me... And I just went away.
I tried sending an email to the boss of the autism association again, because I just dont know who to reach anymore. She doesnt know what to do with me. Shes a psychologist too.
I also dont have strength to be fighting for this shit, to try to get help. I barely have the strength to live. Im suffering a lot. I have a massive executive function disorder that doenst let me do a lot of stuff.
I literally dont know who to reach anymore. Always "there is so much help". There is no help. Im alone. Not only alone in the romantic, connection, true friend way. Im completely alone.
There is no help.
Right now I wrote an email to the suicide help line... I dont even know why. Just leave me alone, dont ask, I dont know why. I cant really call due to my anxiety... So I sent an email...
Last edited:
