Help therapist

[Life_and_Death]

ok so heres the story

i was going to see a therapist and i had an appointment with her back in march. (im sure we can see where this is going) and then the pandemic started (yep there it is. that wonderful thing that seems to be screwing up everyones life) i had called her a week or so in advance to ask if we still had an appointment. no answer. so i try her again several times throughout the week. no answer. she didnt call me. there wasnt a message on her office phone to tell me what to do. absolutely nothing. so i said fuck it, and that was the last time i ever heard from her and clearly its been months now, i still havent heard anything. on top of all of this when i was there she didnt listen to a single word i said. i tried to tell her im dissocited and she was telling my husband how to "bring me out of it" after i told her MULTIPLE TIMES "IM LIKE THIS 24/7!!!" she was giving him advice on a completely different problem i have where i just stop responding. im typing this. im currently dissociated. clearly im responding just fine. well as fine as i can lol. so i have no idea what to do. any advice?

and please dont tell me to not bother and that they are a waste of time.

 

[Thinking]

You need to switch therapists. That therapist sounds aweful. A good therapist should make you feel heard and listen to you (and yes, they do exist –i have a good one now– it may just take some searching)

 

[Deleted member 19654]

Yeah I would recommend switching therapists too. I think each therapist may have a different approach to therapy and you just have to find one that's the right fit for you.

 

[Life_and_Death]

well ive been working on fixing myself for a few years without a therapist so i have a pretty good....game plan i guess youd call it. i just need that person on the other side that i dont have to worry too much about burdening because they arent a loved one or just the type of relationship you get with a therapist. maybe im dreaming though and thats not actually a thing, ive only had this one therapist. my expectations arent to high are they? id assume id need someone kinda laid back that i can actually talk to and doesnt just assume they know everything.

they might know the book but each human is different, never pretend to know everything. lol

basically im looking for something that i can be more involved with. i dont want to go in say how i felt the past week then leave. i want it to actually be productive. i want to move forward. but i need someone with more knowledge. someone to document the things i say, to look at the way i think and show me a different light or agree with what i say. someone thats more then a book, ya know?

 

[Emily_Numb]

I feel your pain. I was on a waiting list to see a Private (non NHS) psychodynamic psychotherapist for months, I specifically asked for a man as I am very untrusting of women, they offered me a woman after waiting such a long time so I gave it a go. She seemed so disinterested. I thought I would give her another shot but then had to go to hospital for an appointment so gave her a weeks notice to say I couldn't make it and she still sent me a bill for a missed apppintment with a weeks notice!!

Then during lockdown she basically TOLD me that I would be having my therapy over Skype which is not something I feel comfortable with having not built that sort of close relationship with her yet and she was very rude and I told her to let me know when she would be taking face to face appointments again. I did email the Therapy Group/Centre them to ask her to let me know when she was doing face to face again and they said they would get her to email me again. She emailed me. No nice 'hello, how are you etc' just another Bill saying Please see invoice attached! I was infuriated by this.
I swear there are so many terrible therapists out there. It's a minefield. This one is easily the most rude I've ever had though. I wish they would have listened to me in the beginning and only gave me a male therapist.
I think it's taught me to be really firm and stand for what I want from a therapist and take none of their bullshit going forward. If they are shit on the first session then don't give them a second chance. Your gut feel is often right. You have to feel safe, respected and listened to by whoever is helping you through this time. xx
Keep plugging away though. I've had a decent one before, he just got offered a big job for a hospital so closed his private practice which is why I had to move.

 

[Thinking]

well ive been working on fixing myself for a few years without a therapist so i have a pretty good....game plan i guess youd call it. i just need that person on the other side that i dont have to worry too much about burdening because they arent a loved one or just the type of relationship you get with a therapist. maybe im dreaming though and thats not actually a thing, ive only had this one therapist. my expectations arent to high are they? id assume id need someone kinda laid back that i can actually talk to and doesnt just assume they know everything.

they might know the book but each human is different, never pretend to know everything. lol

basically im looking for something that i can be more involved with. i dont want to go in say how i felt the past week then leave. i want it to actually be productive. i want to move forward. but i need someone with more knowledge. someone to document the things i say, to look at the way i think and show me a different light or agree with what i say. someone thats more then a book, ya know?

I don't know your issues, but it sounds like you might want to look for someone who specializes in cbt (cognitive behavioral therapy)

 

[Life_and_Death]

I don't know your issues, but it sounds like you might want to look for someone who specializes in cbt (cognitive behavioral therapy)

i can afford a specialist. :( i basically take what they give me

 

[falloutcarter13]

Damn, even the state mental health clinic here is still doing Telehealth therapy calls, and I live in a busted sewer pipe of a state. I agree with the others, that therapist really sucked to not at least return a call or pick up the phone. Even a government-employed therapist can be better than nothing, if its something you want and need. No harm looking into it anyway, yeah? Best of luck, my friend

 

[Thinking]

i can afford a specialist. :( i basically take what they give me

(Sorry I didn't mean to like the message). That's really rough. Hopefully you can still manage to find someone better than your current person

 

[Nymph]

i can afford a specialist. :( i basically take what they give me

I'm in the same situation, it's better to just not have a specialist at all if you're given someone like that. I'm doing better without going to mine because I don't feel like I'm wasting my time. Apply for a different one and just try to wait. Don't have much good advice honestly. Our situation is tough

 

[Life_and_Death]

(Sorry I didn't mean to like the message).

If you make it so the like options come up and just click on the one that's already clicked it should clear it

 

[so tired or manic]

I do the disassociating thing with most therapists at first and it completely surprises me just how often they don't take it as 'I need to up my game here' and usually wind up offensive. the last one sent cops to the house without me saying anyone or anything was in danger.

I did talk to a therapist who seems like he could be a great match, but doesn't take any insurance and is $100 an hour.

I need to hit the lottery first.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I do the disassociating thing with most therapists at first and it completely surprises me just how often they don't take it as 'I need to up my game here' and usually wind up offensive. the last one sent cops to the house without me saying anyone or anything was in danger.

I did talk to a therapist who seems like he could be a great match, but doesn't take any insurance and is $100 an hour.

I need to hit the lottery first.

That's basically the problem I'm having. First of all $100-$150/hour is stupid when most people are lucky to make $15/hour and its typically more of a money problem then anything. I mean if you make good money you can afford a therapist. It's the ones that have shitty jobs that can't afford anything that's the problem. They have no where's to turn because they can't afford it. So between it being like 10 times what normal people make and that normal people can't afford it, im totally put off by the whole thing and refuse to pay a cent for it aside from like medications. Plus it shouldn't cost a damn thing. As I'm sure most know, here in Canada if you go to the hospital, you don't get a $1000+ bill. For the most part you go in and get what you need then leave. Why should mental care be any different? It's nothing more then the health care system treating us the way your average person does. "it's not a physically problem, it's not that bad." that doesn't mean it can't kill like a physical problem because clearly it does.

I hate the systems but thanks to unruly people I can't disagree with them. Anyway I went off a bit, yeah I can't afford one either lol

That's basically the problem I'm having. First of all $100-$150/hour is stupid when most people are lucky to make $15/hour and its typically more of a money problem then anything. I mean if you make good money you can afford a therapist. It's the ones that have shitty jobs that can't afford anything that's the problem. They have no where's to turn because they can't afford it. So between it being like 10 times what normal people make and that normal people can't afford it, im totally put off by the whole thing and refuse to pay a cent for it aside from like medications. Plus it shouldn't cost a damn thing. As I'm sure most know, here in Canada if you go to the hospital, you don't get a $1000+ bill. For the most part you go in and get what you need then leave. Why should mental care be any different? It's nothing more then the health care system treating us the way your average person does. "it's not a physically problem, it's not that bad." that doesn't mean it can't kill like a physical problem because clearly it does.

I hate the systems but thanks to unruly people I can't disagree with them. Anyway I went off a bit, yeah I can't afford one either lol

Although my husband's basically willing to put us in debt to help but.... Im sure most can see why I disagree, between what if it doesn't help and that just causes more problems.

 

[so tired or manic]

have you gotten the ones who treat you like a test subject? I get the therapist could be good and want to learn, but I don't want to sign up to be that strepping stone.