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wait i'm goated
- Feb 12, 2023
- 333
i want to be a strong person, but i never have been and i never will be. i wish i could be the type of person who doesn't break down every single night. i'm embarrassed by how pathetic i am, i'm embarrassed by the fact that i self harm, i feel embarrassed every time i cry, i'm embarrassed by my entire existence. i lead such a pathetic life, there's nothing notable or positive about my existence. i'm the kind of person i hate the most. i hate what i'm currently typing, it disgusts me how pathetic i am.
i feel like shit. i had a breakdown over the same shit and ended up cutting, as i do every night (pathetic). i keep bleeding through the bandages, it won't stop. i went deeper than ever, just above the hypodermis layer, i think. not that serious compared to other people, but i try to avoid going deep because i feel ashamed whenever i see scars. i was so overwhelmed and just wanted the thinking to stop. it helped for a few minutes. i was having an unrelated health issue beforehand, and that made everything a bit more distracting; but now i feel like shit. i feel really exhausted, and every thought i was trying to set aside just came right back. i don't have the energy for this, but that doesn't matter and that doesn't warrant a break from this shit.
that rant wasn't entirely related to the point of this post, sorry. i annoy myself so much. all the shitty decisions i make are completely pointless and only cause more issues, but i continue to do them.
i was alone, as per usual. i got depressed because of my loneliness and overwhelmed by those thoughts. i started having an anxiety attack, so i cut to distract myself because nothing else works. it works for a moment, but then i start thinking about the things that brought me to that point. the cycle ends with me, still depressed and overwhelmed by the same things, but now feeling worse because i did something embarrassing, my arm is numb, and i have a lot to clean up.
i hope this post made sense
i feel like shit. i had a breakdown over the same shit and ended up cutting, as i do every night (pathetic). i keep bleeding through the bandages, it won't stop. i went deeper than ever, just above the hypodermis layer, i think. not that serious compared to other people, but i try to avoid going deep because i feel ashamed whenever i see scars. i was so overwhelmed and just wanted the thinking to stop. it helped for a few minutes. i was having an unrelated health issue beforehand, and that made everything a bit more distracting; but now i feel like shit. i feel really exhausted, and every thought i was trying to set aside just came right back. i don't have the energy for this, but that doesn't matter and that doesn't warrant a break from this shit.
that rant wasn't entirely related to the point of this post, sorry. i annoy myself so much. all the shitty decisions i make are completely pointless and only cause more issues, but i continue to do them.
i was alone, as per usual. i got depressed because of my loneliness and overwhelmed by those thoughts. i started having an anxiety attack, so i cut to distract myself because nothing else works. it works for a moment, but then i start thinking about the things that brought me to that point. the cycle ends with me, still depressed and overwhelmed by the same things, but now feeling worse because i did something embarrassing, my arm is numb, and i have a lot to clean up.
i hope this post made sense
