So a few friends actually know the tip of the ice berg as to how far i've fallen recently... and the WORST thing i keep hearing is "but your life is so good you make XYX and, served with honor, visited 15 countires etc..." and i'm like FUCK I KNOW, AND LOGICALLY IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE BUT THIS IS NOT LOGICAL.. (Sorry caps i just scream in my head....) even i understand from the outside i have no reason to feel this way but i do.. every day i hope i don't make to or from work.... I'm so tired of it... cut upon cut layers my leg again, the extra pain of opening a new wound on top of another stings extra... I've even designated a specific t-shirt and boxes as my cutting pair.. both are blood stained many times over. I was doing so good till opened the door for someone i thought was safe.. i was in a truce with my demons then i fought back with someone i thought would be there.... and she wasn't. Now it just all rushes to me, and work is slipping i feel i see history repeating it self from when my life feel apart, only this time i don't have the desire to fight..... I barely made it the last time if not for a would be toxic relationship to distract me.... I don't want to fight this war anymore, i just don't know what to do.......
sorry just had to rant :/
sorry just had to rant :/
