T
thegearhasrusted
New Member
- Apr 22, 2024
- 3
For over half of my life I've had to deal with the weight of c-ptsd and BPD. I just turned 30 yesterday.
One would think after hitting 30 I'd hit my stride but everyday it just gets heavier and heavier. The past gets heavier, planning for the future gets even heavier, and it makes it so impossible to do anymore than struggle through the now.
I've been on so many different meds and have been in therapy for years, and always bring it to my therapist when I feel at my lowest lows, but the lingering pain is always there, the constant exhaustion is always there. I never get to enjoy anything and the weight has gotten too much.
Earlier this year a close personal friend CTB successfully, using this site to help make their choice and gather information. I learned after the fact about this site through that and have been lurking for a while but now want to interact more and see what to do about my own CTB attempt.
I'm just at a point where I can't handle this anymore and have been for so long, but I just feel like I've had to for others and that's just causing even more pain at this point. Even now I feel so selfish. I have friends, a partner that tries to care, and a good career, but all do it always just feels so heavy, and it only gets heavier.
One would think after hitting 30 I'd hit my stride but everyday it just gets heavier and heavier. The past gets heavier, planning for the future gets even heavier, and it makes it so impossible to do anymore than struggle through the now.
I've been on so many different meds and have been in therapy for years, and always bring it to my therapist when I feel at my lowest lows, but the lingering pain is always there, the constant exhaustion is always there. I never get to enjoy anything and the weight has gotten too much.
Earlier this year a close personal friend CTB successfully, using this site to help make their choice and gather information. I learned after the fact about this site through that and have been lurking for a while but now want to interact more and see what to do about my own CTB attempt.
I'm just at a point where I can't handle this anymore and have been for so long, but I just feel like I've had to for others and that's just causing even more pain at this point. Even now I feel so selfish. I have friends, a partner that tries to care, and a good career, but all do it always just feels so heavy, and it only gets heavier.