ninfanatic

ninfanatic

please kill me
Jul 3, 2024
66
beginning: 10/25/24, about 9:30pm
ct: 11:09pm

i may receive comments discouraging or trying to discourage me from using this method. however, it is my preferred method from both an emotional and spiritual perspective. i have much experience with general water and dry fasting, and am confident in my ability to successfully "ctb" through used.

i have, in short, wanted to do this since i was about twelve. i feel it was something that was going to happen eventually. although i am slightly frightened, it is something i've made my mind up on. death is something that people are naturally frightened of. i am impoverished, alone, and, quite essentially, doomed, should i continue to go on.

i will likely pass away in during the first week of december. if i determine that i need to smoke in order to alleviate both hunger and nerves, i'll most estimately be gone on halloween.

i wish all the best here. this is something i both desire to do and need to do. there is no other way, and any other way would take a lifetime to accomplish. there is an ache in my chest and stomach that has been living there for a long time.

i will update this thread periodically. much love, and my gratitude for the existence of a forum as this is insurmountable.
 
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Praying 4 a Miracle

Praying 4 a Miracle

Student
Sep 22, 2024
198
Are you doing this on your own or with some help from others?
 
ninfanatic

ninfanatic

please kill me
Jul 3, 2024
66
Are you doing this on your own or with some help from others?
on my own. i have a thorough plan, partly of which involves leaving my apartment in the last few days to eliminate the chances of being found in time.
cd: 10/26/24
ct: 12:01

i've struggled with an eating disorder and cared too much about my weight. there is literally nothing going into my body right now and i don't even care about it.

physically, i'm strangely aware of body sensations that i was not before; specifically, hyperaware of my heartbeat. emotionally, i feel calm and at peace. mentally, my thoughts are sporadic, although not distressing at all.
 
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passer-by

passer-by

Home is elsewhere
Oct 7, 2024
41
Good luck my friend, do update us on your progress if you can. I too am quite interested in this method, as I find it the most passive, least "self harming" way of going, even though the SI can become extremely strong on this one. I'm sure though, with enough will and determination one can push through.
 
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ninfanatic

ninfanatic

please kill me
Jul 3, 2024
66
Good luck my friend, do update us on your progress if you can. I too am quite interested in this method, as I find it the most passive, least "self harming" way of going, even though the SI can become extremely strong on this one. I'm sure though, with enough will and determination one can push through.
i'm still going. the interesting thing to me about this method is that i'm not sure precisely when death will occur, but i would prefer it in sleep.
 
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passer-by

passer-by

Home is elsewhere
Oct 7, 2024
41
i'm still going. the interesting thing to me about this method is that i'm not sure precisely when death will occur, but i would prefer it in sleep.
Are you doing no fluids as well?
mentally, my thoughts are sporadic, although not distressing at all.
Is this something usual for you, or the result of vsed? I can't never seem to able to shut my inner monologue lol
 
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ninfanatic

ninfanatic

please kill me
Jul 3, 2024
66
Are you doing no fluids as well?

Is this something usual for you, or the result of vsed? I can't never seem to able to shut my inner monologue lol
yes, no fluids as well.

i think i just feel at peace (and likely am close to ketosis, lol).
 
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passer-by

passer-by

Home is elsewhere
Oct 7, 2024
41
yes, no fluids as well.

i think i just feel at peace (and likely am close to ketosis, lol).
Oh yeah, keto-based diet kept me going for a while. Relatively the happiest time in my life. My mind caught up to me though after some time.

No fluids part is what scares me the most about this method, but it does shorten the span significantly, so that's good.

When I did my fasting, even though I allowed myself to drink water, I gradually lost my thirst. Like it would almost make me gag when I tried to drink it. On a day 4 or 5 I was basically just sleeping all day and it felt so peaceful, like I believed if I pushed through, I could just slip away in my sleep, unfortunately I didn't live on my own back then and it wasn't so peaceful for others watching this process lol
 
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ninfanatic

ninfanatic

please kill me
Jul 3, 2024
66
Oh yeah, keto-based diet kept me going for a while. Relatively the happiest time in my life. My mind caught up to me though after some time.

No fluids part is what scares me the most about this method, but it does shorten the span significantly, so that's good.

When I did my fasting, even though I allowed myself to drink water, I gradually lost my thirst. Like it would almost make me gag when I tried to drink it. On a day 4 or 5 I was basically just sleeping all day and it felt so peaceful, like I believed if I pushed through, I could just slip away in my sleep, unfortunately I didn't live on my own back then and it wasn't so peaceful for others watching this process lol
i feel like many folks think it can't be completed without medical assistance, when in reality it very much can be, it just takes a lot of willpower. i find thirst easier to cope with than extreme hunger, and the thirst typically overpowers the hunger, if that makes sense.

i am surprised you've used this method as well. i was fairly close in the summertime as well to completing it but did not map out the specifics nor have as strong of will/discipline as i do now.
 
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passer-by

passer-by

Home is elsewhere
Oct 7, 2024
41
i find thirst easier to cope with than extreme hunger, and the thirst typically overpowers the hunger, if that makes sense.
I can imagine that, even though i never really properly tried the dry fast. Hierarchically fluids are more important than food. And oxygen is more important than fluids lol

I hope it will be easy for me as well. I think I've read on some instances when an animal would go this way, mourning their partner. So it wasn't even physically ill.
I don't think it's that unusual, also I think ctb was overall more accepted back in old times by people as well.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
37,951
I wish you the best, I hope that you find what you are searching for.
 
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Praying 4 a Miracle

Praying 4 a Miracle

Student
Sep 22, 2024
198
on my own. i have a thorough plan, partly of which involves leaving my apartment in the last few days to eliminate the chances of being found in time.
When you leave your apartment, where will you go? (Not actual location, but type of location). If it's a hotel room, wouldn't that be even riskier? Also, how long have you been on VSED so far (approx.)?
 
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permanently tired

permanently tired

I'm going to make it count
Nov 8, 2023
195
After a few days you might have a burning sensation in your throat. I didn't eat for several days and it happened to me. Apparently, it's your stomach acid coming up. It makes it uncomfortable to swallow (ie when you swallow your saliva). I haven't gone so long without eating since and average one meal a day. But to avoid it perhaps try antacid and smth to soothe your throat cuz it drove me crazy.
 
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