Jisatsu
黒い薔薇(The Black Rose)
- Jan 5, 2025
- 2,012
When I was 10 I attempted to take my life for the first time , it wasn't something that just came to my mind because I was obviously a child something like that doesn't just...happen ... someone took advantage of me and no one was around to help me through it.
Ever year since that day I wish I'd be dead .
I am 26 now in a little over a month I will be 27 .
The age I consider my expiration date.
I know my time is short so I wanna get some things out before then. Life hasn't been what it's cracked up to be. I have suffered the lose of many people friends, family members both alive and dead... most I thought I'd never recover from some even now I know will be a reason for my premature exit.
I've loved so many things that have tried to kill me most of them were substances and sometimes they were people who were just as much as a poison to me.
I've spent years hating who I saw in the mirror and even to this day I despise the woman I've become. I've spent years hating food and then forcing myself to love it again and again until I purged .... I've spent years carving into myself because it was the only thing that felt real in my life.... I've... spent my entire life hating me .
Life was never always kind , it had its ups and downs ... from the new people, new faces that slowly blurred away once they got to know me... to loving the many pets from my life and to the many first kisses and love I shared with others... the music the really good fucking music.... and the short lived engagements and the many nights looking up at the stars with a cigarette in hand.
There were so many birthday candles I didn't expect to blow out ... holidays and events I never thought I would've attended ...
The many times I've held a blade to my wrist or to a artery, the times I've made brusies on my neck , and the many times I've taken to much and woke up in the hospital .
Life is a joke ... a beautiful joke...
This world wasn't mean't for me
Ever year since that day I wish I'd be dead .
I am 26 now in a little over a month I will be 27 .
The age I consider my expiration date.
I know my time is short so I wanna get some things out before then. Life hasn't been what it's cracked up to be. I have suffered the lose of many people friends, family members both alive and dead... most I thought I'd never recover from some even now I know will be a reason for my premature exit.
I've loved so many things that have tried to kill me most of them were substances and sometimes they were people who were just as much as a poison to me.
I've spent years hating who I saw in the mirror and even to this day I despise the woman I've become. I've spent years hating food and then forcing myself to love it again and again until I purged .... I've spent years carving into myself because it was the only thing that felt real in my life.... I've... spent my entire life hating me .
Life was never always kind , it had its ups and downs ... from the new people, new faces that slowly blurred away once they got to know me... to loving the many pets from my life and to the many first kisses and love I shared with others... the music the really good fucking music.... and the short lived engagements and the many nights looking up at the stars with a cigarette in hand.
There were so many birthday candles I didn't expect to blow out ... holidays and events I never thought I would've attended ...
The many times I've held a blade to my wrist or to a artery, the times I've made brusies on my neck , and the many times I've taken to much and woke up in the hospital .
Life is a joke ... a beautiful joke...
This world wasn't mean't for me
