Anyone else just feel like they don't want to be here anymore?
That's how I feel the past year and have done a number of times over my life, I've always felt lonely even when surrounded by people.
The past holds regrets for me and I feel guilty of choices or chances I didn't take. But when they were there I guess I didn't want them for good reasons, I did put effort in until I couldn't anymore. Or I got bored or frustrated or any number of things, I wasn't able to fully commit as something felt not right.
And although I still succeeded in many things, still I felt I was not good enough. That I was letting people down. That I could be more whilst no longer having the will or motivation to put in the effort.
And my confidence was always shaky, but I kept going. Asking myself why.
As for the future it used to hold hope, a fickle thing, but also held fear and anxiety for me. The hope has faded leaving the rest.
I know I didn't want to grow old alone. For sure I don't want to grow old at all. Yet I still worry for the future at the same time as making plans to not have one.
I've had lots of good and bad times through my life and I guess I feel I've had my fill, I'm not craving more of either. I keep the few people left in my life at a distance, to protect them and me.
As I feel I don't want to be here anymore.
That's how I feel the past year and have done a number of times over my life, I've always felt lonely even when surrounded by people.
The past holds regrets for me and I feel guilty of choices or chances I didn't take. But when they were there I guess I didn't want them for good reasons, I did put effort in until I couldn't anymore. Or I got bored or frustrated or any number of things, I wasn't able to fully commit as something felt not right.
And although I still succeeded in many things, still I felt I was not good enough. That I was letting people down. That I could be more whilst no longer having the will or motivation to put in the effort.
And my confidence was always shaky, but I kept going. Asking myself why.
As for the future it used to hold hope, a fickle thing, but also held fear and anxiety for me. The hope has faded leaving the rest.
I know I didn't want to grow old alone. For sure I don't want to grow old at all. Yet I still worry for the future at the same time as making plans to not have one.
I've had lots of good and bad times through my life and I guess I feel I've had my fill, I'm not craving more of either. I keep the few people left in my life at a distance, to protect them and me.
As I feel I don't want to be here anymore.
