Sleeper System
Z z Z z Z z Z z Z z Z
- May 5, 2022
- 924
I'm in an area where I think the majority of people are suffering from some level of depression mainly due to financial reasons.
The concept of " no one gives a fuck " is greatly amplified when every other person these doctors see is struggling and is pretty justified in wanting to CTB. Low paying jobs. No future other than working until they're 70. The every day burden of simply existing in this modern world and all the problems it brings. Even though technically we're supremely lucky to exist in this modern age when you compare it to other eras where there was less structure and you could die from the common cold. but we are alive NOW not then and we have no frame of reference. This hell is designed for us here as we stand.
Makes it very difficult to get any real help. You actually have to make a significant attempt in order to be taken any kind of serious. Part of me understands because there are so many people who don't know the difference between real depression and just being sad. Some don't really want help they just want drugs. I'm not judging anyone but unless you're a mind reader, you wont know who is really in need. All I can say is the system is broken and I don't see a way to fix it that doesn't involve the powers that be losing the population. (slave class) They suppress a lot of CTB attempts and I know in my heart that there are more people doing it than are being openly reported.
Suicide is like a virus that can kill society. Enough people stop seeing the point in life and we end up killing our species.
Kind of a contradicting notion, seeking help, because most of us know there is no real cure for this where it ceases to consume your every waking thought. Only these temporary ways to numb yourself and prolong your life in the hopes that by the time it wears off you'll already be at the end of your life. No words, drugs, or actions will erase the virus once it's in your brain except death and once it goes that far it's a pointless remedy. You hate your life? Die. What a fuckin solution.
But... it's in our nature to survive. So we hold on to hope. Hope that something might stick. We are programmed to reach out and seek help when we're in dire straits. I think that's how religion was created but that's a different topic.
I've been dealing with depression since I was 14.
I remember it clear as day the moment I was infected.
Standing on my grandmother's balcony looking out into a night sky with the wind blowing against the trees. I contemplated my current life. The life of my family. The lineage of poverty I was born into. Not able to see a future where I would amount to anything. And I cried. A quiet cry that no one saw or heard.
In that moment I knew I should throw myself off and fall 10 floors to my death because my life would not amount to anything of significance and wouldn't be worth the struggle.
I'm now 35 years old. Ask me if my mind has changed.
Not at all. I've had to adapt to society to survive but in my heart I know the futility of it all. I'm not afraid of death. I'm afraid of pain. Physical suffering amplified by my already corrupted mind. There is no greater hell in my opinion. So until I walk down a path where I have no more options... I guess I have to live.
The sick joke is that it's rather difficult being a mindful person to suddenly stumble upon a path with no way out. So it has to be a conscious decision. A moment where you no longer see a road let alone a direction. I think that's where you find the courage requires to ctb. I don't know if i'll ever get there.
The concept of " no one gives a fuck " is greatly amplified when every other person these doctors see is struggling and is pretty justified in wanting to CTB. Low paying jobs. No future other than working until they're 70. The every day burden of simply existing in this modern world and all the problems it brings. Even though technically we're supremely lucky to exist in this modern age when you compare it to other eras where there was less structure and you could die from the common cold. but we are alive NOW not then and we have no frame of reference. This hell is designed for us here as we stand.
Makes it very difficult to get any real help. You actually have to make a significant attempt in order to be taken any kind of serious. Part of me understands because there are so many people who don't know the difference between real depression and just being sad. Some don't really want help they just want drugs. I'm not judging anyone but unless you're a mind reader, you wont know who is really in need. All I can say is the system is broken and I don't see a way to fix it that doesn't involve the powers that be losing the population. (slave class) They suppress a lot of CTB attempts and I know in my heart that there are more people doing it than are being openly reported.
Suicide is like a virus that can kill society. Enough people stop seeing the point in life and we end up killing our species.
Kind of a contradicting notion, seeking help, because most of us know there is no real cure for this where it ceases to consume your every waking thought. Only these temporary ways to numb yourself and prolong your life in the hopes that by the time it wears off you'll already be at the end of your life. No words, drugs, or actions will erase the virus once it's in your brain except death and once it goes that far it's a pointless remedy. You hate your life? Die. What a fuckin solution.
But... it's in our nature to survive. So we hold on to hope. Hope that something might stick. We are programmed to reach out and seek help when we're in dire straits. I think that's how religion was created but that's a different topic.
I've been dealing with depression since I was 14.
I remember it clear as day the moment I was infected.
Standing on my grandmother's balcony looking out into a night sky with the wind blowing against the trees. I contemplated my current life. The life of my family. The lineage of poverty I was born into. Not able to see a future where I would amount to anything. And I cried. A quiet cry that no one saw or heard.
In that moment I knew I should throw myself off and fall 10 floors to my death because my life would not amount to anything of significance and wouldn't be worth the struggle.
I'm now 35 years old. Ask me if my mind has changed.
Not at all. I've had to adapt to society to survive but in my heart I know the futility of it all. I'm not afraid of death. I'm afraid of pain. Physical suffering amplified by my already corrupted mind. There is no greater hell in my opinion. So until I walk down a path where I have no more options... I guess I have to live.
The sick joke is that it's rather difficult being a mindful person to suddenly stumble upon a path with no way out. So it has to be a conscious decision. A moment where you no longer see a road let alone a direction. I think that's where you find the courage requires to ctb. I don't know if i'll ever get there.
