The things I love get taken away from me.

[insectontrial]

I've decided the day I CTB will be the 14th of May. That's the day before I face a formal meeting with my university to consider suspending or expelling me on health grounds (which is their way of saying they could not accommodate my autism or colitis).

The other reason I will CTB on this particular date is that it will be two days after my audiology appointment. I'm starting to lose my hearing in a very strange way. Music suddenly sounds like it is a lower pitch and off-key. All my favourite songs are ruined now and I'll never be able to enjoy them again. I also know I wouldn't tolerate hearing aids.

It just feels like the things I love are all being taken away from me. I've been banned from seeing my brothers due to an autistic meltdown, and now I won't even be able to listen to what were my favourite songs before I do die, which is what I was hoping for.

 

[Phyreen]

I'm actually a first year student facing suspension, and I think I'm going to ctb before the consequences of my actions hit me (nobody knows that I am in the state that I am). If I don't go, then the method I have set up will likely become inaccessible due to moving out of my accom and stuff. And, the way I have set up is the only way I'm willing to leave. I'm just too much of a pussy, so idk.