The sun is shining and I feel an unwavering yearning for the end. To become dust and ash tucked into a decorative coffee table ornament. How do you tell somebody you don't want to get better? I have become demoralized, anti social, a fat lazy neet since my psychosis last year. I don't want to touch this meat suit. I hate taking a shower, I hate eating. I hate having needs that need to be taken care of. My teeth are rotting, I am 29 and often just wait for my mom to come home home. or that 15 minutes of conversation before we turn the television on. : no i didnt go outside today, no i didnt talked to anyone" I scroll through the suicide bereavement subreddit and then come to sasu as I explore the pros and cons of another day. I never was a good person was I? Selfish in my sorrow. I don't see many options for work or inspirational stories of female felons. I know it will tear my mom to pieces and have her questioning why she wasn't enough. The last person I can abuse with my wormhole of regrets and sorrow. Partial hanging seems good in idea. I keep throwing the bathrobe belt over the hook of my coat rack and leaning in. Just for a taste,but that SI is too strong. I want to join the SN train but im absolutely afraid of failure. This isn't living. This is the brain numbing purgatory. I want a friend for the end somehow but im afraid I cant keep a conversation going.
I'm scared and I'm tired.
I'm scared and I'm tired.
