Mustkeyknow

Mustkeyknow

Experienced
Feb 8, 2020
275
It's just a moment. It's just an emotion and it can change. No matter how hard it is, the moment passes and you feel ok again. Even if it's just for a minute.

This really is a battle. I wish I had the courage to say that I can win, but I really don't know that.
 
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CuddleHug

CuddleHug

Back, but with less enthusiasm. Hugs~
Feb 22, 2020
259
I'd argue that you don't need to win, you just need to not lose. Then at the end, you'll realise you won because the thoughts are not overwhelming anymore.

I say this, but I don't know if it's true. I'd like to think that holding out will eventually lead to something better.

Hugs :hug:
 
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M

Mitokondrium

Member
Jun 9, 2020
20
Well the suicidal thoughts pass for sure, but the situation and the reason why you felt suicidal stay on much longer. I have made massive improvements in my life since I made my first serious attempt 13 years ago, so yes, it can be better, but it is a long and hard struggle nevertheless.
 
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Marktheghost

Marktheghost

Paragon
Feb 20, 2020
911
Huh? Wanting to commit suicide is just an emotion? My desire to commit suicide isn't going to go away any more than my desire to watch football is.

Am I misunderstanding something here?
 
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Garbage Person

Garbage Person

Eating snowflakes with plastic forks
Jan 17, 2020
305
I can relate to this. The emotional response to all the stress is what can push me over the edge to start planning or attempt. That emotional part of it passes but I generally can never shake the logical side of it that wants to make a deal. I have issues at this time in my life with assigning value to worldly things, which leads me to believe I should skip the journey and head straight for the final destination. There's a morbid fascination and nagging curiosity for me as to what rests at point B and possibly beyond. The boredom erodes my spirits and lust for life, while I continue to get frustrated over the inevitable and vicious emotional cycle.
 
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Deleted member 19654

Deleted member 19654

Working towards recovery.
Jul 9, 2020
1,628
Unfortunately it's a bit of a vicious cycle. They do go away/die down but sometimes they come back with a vengeance.
 
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Mustkeyknow

Mustkeyknow

Experienced
Feb 8, 2020
275
Unfortunately it's a bit of a vicious cycle. They do go away/die down but sometimes they come back with a vengeance.
Yeah. Disregard this thread. Maybe my optimism was too much but you're right. They keep coming back. I'm not sure if it's possible to get rid of them. At this point, I don't think it is.
 
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E

esse_est_percipi

Enlightened
Jul 14, 2020
1,747
It's just a moment. It's just an emotion and it can change. No matter how hard it is, the moment passes and you feel ok again. Even if it's just for a minute.

This really is a battle. I wish I had the courage to say that I can win, but I really don't know that.
Maybe try not to think of it as a battle. Thoughts are just thoughts, if they lead to nothing, they weren't meant to be realized, and if they lead to something, then it was just meant to be. We live, we think, we die. Maybe the details don't matter too much.
 
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Deleted member 17949

Deleted member 17949

Visionary
May 9, 2020
2,238
I'm glad you feel this way. If you're aware of this it really is just a matter of calming yourself down. There are effective ways of managing stress like breathing exercises and grounding techniques, so I'm sure you can manage this.
 
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Brick In The Wall

Brick In The Wall

2M Or Not 2B.
Oct 30, 2019
25,158
Yeah. Disregard this thread. Maybe my optimism was too much but you're right. They keep coming back. I'm not sure if it's possible to get rid of them. At this point, I don't think it is.
Anything is possible. Some of us battle these demons most of our lives. Some of us do break free though. Don't cut your own optimism short, if you believe in yourself that's all that matters.
 
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Nymph

Nymph

he/him
Jul 15, 2020
2,565
I've been feeling suicidal for over a year now tho, it's not leaving any time soon. Even when I'm laughing the though of suicide always lingers in my mind
 
T

thereandgone

Trying to close my loop
May 7, 2020
68
This has been true in my experience as well. It could be there for weeks at a time, but then it will pass for a fleeting moment (few hours, a day, maybe a week) and I can be somewhat productive or clear-headed and prepare for the return. Because it always returns. Thank you for this reminder; I will try to heed your words in my head as I struggle through this current bout while still having to go to work early and look after my dog in heat.

As for winning the battle, I wish you luck. I know for me it is a losing battle, but I try to hang on long enough to lose at a time and place of my choosing.
 
so tired or manic

so tired or manic

Arcanist
Jun 12, 2020
462
I have what they call 'suicide obsession' basically something small will happen and my first response is almost always 'if I were dead I could have avoided this' or something along those lines. so what you're saying applies to me.

the major aches and pains, the migraines and the sharp stabs in my back and knees, they're always, it's fine, I'm used to this, but if I stub my toe (not a real example) the world needs to end now.
 
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Mustkeyknow

Mustkeyknow

Experienced
Feb 8, 2020
275
This has been true in my experience as well. It could be there for weeks at a time, but then it will pass for a fleeting moment (few hours, a day, maybe a week) and I can be somewhat productive or clear-headed and prepare for the return. Because it always returns. Thank you for this reminder; I will try to heed your words in my head as I struggle through this current bout while still having to go to work early and look after my dog in heat.

As for winning the battle, I wish you luck. I know for me it is a losing battle, but I try to hang on long enough to lose at a time and place of my choosing.
It feels like a losing battle for me too. I am just stretching what's left of this life. I wish you luck as well.
 
Susannah

Susannah

Mage
Jul 2, 2018
530
This may sound silly, but I've accepted my suicidal thoughts. They are a part of me. I thank this forum for this acceptance. I don't need to use energy to battle with myself, and I no longer feel shame.
 
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S

Septim

Member
Jul 3, 2020
51
I think to be fair it's probably different for different people. For me the suicidal thoughts are definitely caused by the depression. In the moment I can rationalise the thoughts so that it feels like me but it's really just the depression. I know this because when the thoughts pass again the rationale no longer makes sense.

Not everyone is suicidal because of depression and I'm sure there are people who don't have the same experience as me but that's how it looks from my point of view.
 

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