narcluciddreams
But from death, comes life!
- Nov 10, 2022
- 30
Darkness.
It surrounds me. The moment I try to take a breath, it chokes me with it's hands.
I try to break free, but the more, the harder I try, the better it's grip on my neck.
I lose consciousness.
I wake up few hours later - my body ruined once again, exhausted from instant gratification activities.
Is there anyone to blame? I search desperately.
When I can't find no one, I look into the mirror and find the guilty one.
The miserable cause of it. When I try to understand what really happened, I get distracted with lust and pleasure again.
Then I wake up, and the cycle continues.
Why won't I die then? Ego.
The enemy? Or the saviour keeping me alive?
On the other hand, it makes me go through hell.
But I endure, endure and my narcissism expects a reward.
Then I get hate. Misunderstandment. Loneliness.
Hate.
Then I work harder than ever.
I start hating myself.
I can't whitstand the pressure no more.
I lose conciousness and wake up hours later.
All drained up.
All ruined.
For the sake of something deceptively beautiful.
And then I revert into my prison. Cold and hungry. I need to feed my attention with something.
After the act, hate and punish myself again. Then I do some push ups, some workout routines that may even last weeks,
but eventually,
I always revert
to the dream of something beautiful,
that never came true.
It surrounds me. The moment I try to take a breath, it chokes me with it's hands.
I try to break free, but the more, the harder I try, the better it's grip on my neck.
I lose consciousness.
I wake up few hours later - my body ruined once again, exhausted from instant gratification activities.
Is there anyone to blame? I search desperately.
When I can't find no one, I look into the mirror and find the guilty one.
The miserable cause of it. When I try to understand what really happened, I get distracted with lust and pleasure again.
Then I wake up, and the cycle continues.
Why won't I die then? Ego.
The enemy? Or the saviour keeping me alive?
On the other hand, it makes me go through hell.
But I endure, endure and my narcissism expects a reward.
Then I get hate. Misunderstandment. Loneliness.
Hate.
Then I work harder than ever.
I start hating myself.
I can't whitstand the pressure no more.
I lose conciousness and wake up hours later.
All drained up.
All ruined.
For the sake of something deceptively beautiful.
And then I revert into my prison. Cold and hungry. I need to feed my attention with something.
After the act, hate and punish myself again. Then I do some push ups, some workout routines that may even last weeks,
but eventually,
I always revert
to the dream of something beautiful,
that never came true.
