I just came home from an appointment with 2 doctors in a psych ward because my therapist doesn't know how to help me. So he sent me to this facility in order to get serious help or further resources for my mental health issues. I sat down with 2 doctors in that place for 2 hours, we talked about my problems and my needs. We talked about my past, about my current issues and about my trans experience. And they had no answer. They simply didn't know what to do. They were overwhelmed with the quantity of my issues and they also had no idea how to approach them. They basically made it very clear to me that they couldn't help me. Imagine that. I was sent there because my therapist can't help me anymore and even the psych ward with supposedly experienced doctors, the last instance for people who are in desperation, for people who already gave up and were sent there because they failed their attempt, people who deal with severe mental issues, couldn't help me.
But when I started to talk about being suicidal, I just mentioned it briefly, they suddenly started to listen very closely. They told me, if I feel suicidal and I have thoughts about ending my life, they will have to keep me there and hospitalize me. I changed my story very quickly because having strangers taking away my most basic fundamental rights is a nightmare and I don't want. But that's not even the point. The point is: they literally just told me that they have no idea how to help me but they wanted to keep me alive. Imagine that for one second. This, right there, sums up all problems in the psychiatric system.
The idea that I have to be kept alive because 'it's their duty' while also saying simultaneously that they don't have any solutions to my problems (while also saying that all problems are 'temporarily and therefore suicide is never a solution), is disastrous. Imagine that. That's concerning. Suicide prevention isn't about helping people. It's about keeping people alive. That's the whole point.
We need to seriously reform the psychiatric system. We're focusing on the wrong issues. I don't see people talking about the problems that make people commit suicide. If I see suicide prevention posters, I only see them wanting to keep you alive. I see them talking about the symptoms of suicide, not about the reasons. I don't see them talking about the roots. When I see suicide prevention posters, I don't see them talking about us. I see them talking about themselves, about their idea of life and how everyone else should follow that philosophy that suicide is bad and if you desire suicide, you're bad too and you need help. The conversation isn't about the problems anymore that drive people to suicide, the conversation is about them.
If we really want to help people, we need to change how we perceive mental health issues. We need to change how we perceive suicide. We need to stop associating suicide with a negative connotation. If someone is suicidal, the first reflex shouldn't be hospitalizing them, because you're only fighting the symptoms. Not the causes of these thoughts. We also need to focus more on the reasons for suicide and we also need better treatment/medication for mentally ill people. We know that psychedelics and dissociative has a very positive effect on mentally ill people. Why don't we use that to our advantage instead of relying on a broken system that doesn't help anyone. Striping people away of their rights won't solve any problems.
For example, if there would be as many posters talking about the severe impact of bullying as there are about suicide prevention, well, then I will maybe, probably, take these people and their intentions seriously. But we need to talk about the problems. Seriously.
And last and foremost, because this is SS, we need to provide a reliable and peaceful exit for people who are done with the struggle. For people who are exhausted and tired of this world. For people who don't want to keep going anymore because they know there is no solution to their suffering. I hope we will reach this point very soon. We deserve this. You deserve this. It's unfair and irrational to keep us alive if there is nothing these doctors can do to help us anymore. And they need to learn that. It's not their duty to keep us alive, it's their duty to help us if we seek help. They need to respect our human rights and the right to die in a dignified way is one of them.
But yeah. That was my experience and that's my conclusion based on that experience. My doctors told me today that they can't help me. I was sent home without a second appointment and without an address for a different doctor. But they thought about keeping me there, in the psych ward. Disgusting. Anyway, at least, now that I'm officially and in medical terms, a lost case, I can ctb with peace. I knew it, from the start and I can say: I tried. I wanted to get better. That's for sure. But I feel let down. They don't have the answers.
