The past and what I realize now that ik I have bpd

[permanently tired]

I used to be a very social kid growing up, but now it's all an act. I pretend I'm interested and attentive in conversation when I'm rlly not and surprisingly good at it. I was alarmed for a moment after realizing how seemingly well I got along with ppl, but the second I try to open up to ppl, they don't want to hear me out. I'm out of ppl to try and befriend and rant to so when my sister was texting me I just let her have it. She told me she doesn't agree with me and that I can have peace now and that we are besties for life and I told her abt my constant fluctuating opinion of her. I was (am) such a shitty person growing up but now I can see all the signs. If my sister did anything minor or even if she didn't I would get so angry and devalued her in my mind. I idealize and devalue ppl with extreme frequency and I have to remind myself to be aware of my condition and not let emotions blind me. I told her this and she asked me for an example, but I couldn't think of one with her since we've become more distant. My most recent example would be my college roommate who first contacted me online, we had maybe 10 lines of text between us but my mind was alr whirling abt what fun he would be. It crashed so quickly, he walked through the dorm door and I was already over him. Idk where I'm going with this, but I'm replaying my memories and all the signs are lighting up. Some ppl are offended that bpd has the word personality in it, however I can't differentiate between myself and bpd. It's a nice entangled mess. Yay self awareness. Being a shitty oblivious person was better for the mental tbh.

 

[alltoomuch2]

I used to be a very social kid growing up, but now it's all an act. I pretend I'm interested and attentive in conversation when I'm rlly not and surprisingly good at it. I was alarmed for a moment after realizing how seemingly well I got along with ppl, but the second I try to open up to ppl, they don't want to hear me out. I'm out of ppl to try and befriend and rant to so when my sister was texting me I just let her have it. She told me she doesn't agree with me and that I can have peace now and that we are besties for life and I told her abt my constant fluctuating opinion of her. I was (am) such a shitty person growing up but now I can see all the signs. If my sister did anything minor or even if she didn't I would get so angry and devalued her in my mind. I idealize and devalue ppl with extreme frequency and I have to remind myself to be aware of my condition and not let emotions blind me. I told her this and she asked me for an example, but I couldn't think of one with her since we've become more distant. My most recent example would be my college roommate who first contacted me online, we had maybe 10 lines of text between us but my mind was alr whirling abt what fun he would be. It crashed so quickly, he walked through the dorm door and I was already over him. Idk where I'm going with this, but I'm replaying my memories and all the signs are lighting up. Some ppl are offended that bpd has the word personality in it, however I can't differentiate between myself and bpd. It's a nice entangled mess. Yay self awareness. Being a shitty oblivious person was better for the mental tbh.

But if you're diagnosed now with bpd, can't you get some treatment. I thought treatment could be very successful? Or am I mistaken/naive. This struck a chord because I'm autistic but I think I'm BPD too, and not knowing is very hard. But so far the mental health people say "there's a lot of overlap" so I've gotta wait until September when I see the next psychiatrist and then persuade him that a diagnosis isn't "labelling" - it's understanding myself and getting the right treatment I need.

 

[Saddragon]

Bpd is mostly managed with meds and some lifestyle changes and you can have a (nearly) normal life, but it can have a real negative impact on your life if not treated.

 

[painoflife]

Bpd is mostly managed with meds and some lifestyle changes and you can have a (nearly) normal life, but it can have a real negative impact on your life if not treated.

What meds are given for BPD?
My consultant doesn't like people to rely on medication and told me structured clinical management was the best treatment (but I don't trust him).