The Official 2020 Everything But The Kitchen Sink Post

[cosmicpixiedust]

I wish I could listen to tunes right now. I've just been browsing here and doing a bit of research. Which can be just as fun to be honest.

That can be a later thing, then. I actually kind of adore researching things, especially when you happen to start rabbit holing. What are you researching?

 

[Brick In The Wall]

That can be a later thing, then. I actually kind of adore researching things, especially when you happen to start rabbit holing. What are you researching?

I have an insatiable hunger for knowledge pertaining to most any subject. Right now though I'm reading about a particular method which I may add to my bag of tricks.

 

[cosmicpixiedust]

Eh, you can get chill about it for now I'm just trying to learn how to control my emotions with ambiguous goal of feeling good as much as bio-physically possible or be able to fight off SI and sadness for long enough should I decide to proceed with my CTB plan.

I'm still going to be proud of you for trying, no matter what. Like I said, trying is hard. Have you tried DBT? It could possibly help you with some of that.

 

[xBrialesana]

@Briannacondaaa I don't actually know how it can be called, but I experience now something like "My body wants to sleep, but I don't want to". 9:40 a.m. and still lurking

Ugh 9:40. I hate 9:40. I hate any hour after the sun comes up. :( @Jean4 and I are pretty close on this one. I think she got 40 (or more?) substance induced sleep and so did I but that's it day.. 16. Oh in rambling shit god damn woops! I was just gonna say it's 2:45 am here so the night of torture is still young. I used all my 3 months of sleeping meds and Xannie's to try to sleep those nights. WOops. Now I'm gonna fucking bahsjkf. I got a weed cart delivered today and it's faulty and i can't return it. I mad. Like big mad. He said I could pour the oil into a blunt or something or mix in a bowl. I'll see I guess when my sleep is desperate. Which it already is. Or just tomorrow morning. Pardon my rambles.

Also, I realize I'm never gonna get my nose job before I ctb and my future doesn't matter I'm finally gonna go get my septum pierced lmao yay

I hope nobody reads this. Idk what I'm even saying. I binged the shitshow of the oscars. Like skimmed through. Very lame.

Sorry y'all are dealing with my crazy but I love you!
Please send sleep I really am not functioning without it. :(

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

Playing roobet on the phone is dangerous. Despite the fact I've pressed cash out before the loss, the lag made it not register my pressing on time, and so I lost 0.0016 dollars. Below a cent, sure, but I had $0.0168 before that (which I made from $0.001) loss. Don't gamble with shitty connection.

 

[xBrialesana]

God damn I'm so tired it took so long to write that and all I can say is fuck Taco Bell sounds so good. I feel like I'm already doing my meto and fasting. I haven't eaten in so long. Just no appetite. But mmm maybe taco bell

Dammit if both my feet weren't broken I would drive but I'm not paying 40 goddamn dollars for a Lyft to take me to Taco Bell to spend more money. Bring me Taco Bell someone! There's a 24 hour down the streeet!

 

[cosmicpixiedust]

I have an insatiable hunger for knowledge pertaining to most any subject. Right now though I'm reading about a particular method which I may add to my bag of tricks.

I know the feeling, I love to learn! I have to know as much as I can about the particular subject as well, if possible. That sounds interesting, I hope it proves useful to you.

 

[faust]

@Briannacondaaa Singing a lullaby to make you sleep

Playing roobet on the phone is dangerous. Despite the fact I've pressed cash out before the loss, the lag made it not register my pressing on time, and so I lost 0.0016 dollars. Below a cent, sure, but I had $0.0168 before that (which I made from $0.001) loss. Don't gamble with shitty connection.

I once lost 1,6k euro in just 5 minutes. But did not care much because I started from 30.

 

[cosmicpixiedust]

God damn I'm so tired it took so long to write that and all I can say is fuck Taco Bell sounds so good. I feel like I'm already doing my meto and fasting. I haven't eaten in so long. Just no appetite. But mmm maybe taco bell

Dammit if both my feet weren't broken I would drive but I'm not paying 40 goddamn dollars for a Lyft to take me to Taco Bell to spend more money. Bring me Taco Bell someone! There's a 24 hour down the streeet!

Do you have a delivery service you can use? .-.

 

[faust]

Damn... Listening to songs from my childhood and it makes me cry...

 

[BlueWidow]

Just wanted to say hello to everyone on this shift of the thread. I just woke up for a minute and it's about 3:30 AM here, so I'm going back to bed in a minute and hoping I can fall asleep again. I just woke up for a minute, but just wanted to say hello. I hope everybody's doing well. I'm hoping the strange vibes have settled down now because it was a very strange day on the forum yesterday. Apparently, everybody was off kilter and just having an odd day.

 

[faust]

@BlueWidow It is nice to hear hello when you are crying :( Hello to you too! Enjoy your rest ^^

 

[cosmicpixiedust]

Just wanted to say hello to everyone on this shift of the thread. I just woke up for a minute and it's about 3:30 AM here, so I'm going back to bed in a minute and hoping I can fall asleep again. I just woke up for a minute, but just wanted to say hello. I hope everybody's doing well. I'm hoping the strange vibes have settled down now because it was a very strange day on the forum yesterday. Apparently, everybody was off kilter and just having an odd day.

Good morning! I hope you have a good rest of your rest! I will be going to bed soonish. I am pretty okay, how are you? I didn't get a chance to really be on yesterday but I know it was a little off for people. Hopefully it is better now.

Damn... Listening to songs from my childhood and it makes me cry...

I hope you feel better! -hugs-

 

[BlueWidow]

@BlueWidow It is nice to hear hello when you are crying :( Hello to you too! Enjoy your rest ^^

You are crying?
I hope you feel better soon.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

@Briannacondaaa Singing a lullaby to make you sleep

I once lost 1,6k euro in just 5 minutes. But did not care much because I started from 30.

Man, if you can shrug at a 1.6k loss, I'd like to have a word with you.

Damn... Listening to songs from my childhood and it makes me cry...

We're.... Are you from Kharkov by chance..? O.o
We're sharing a childhood song there.

 

[BlueWidow]

Good morning! I hope you have a good rest of your rest! I will be going to bed soonish. I am pretty okay, how are you? I didn't get a chance to really be on yesterday but I know it was a little off for people. Hopefully it is better now.




I hope you feel better! -hugs-

Hello Pixie!

it's nice to talk to you again! I wasn't on a whole lot yesterday either, but people were making comments about how strange they were all feeling. I believe someone got upset and might've written a goodbye post, but Jean4 was able to help the person and I believe they're okay now- or as okay as we all get on this forum.
It just saddens me there's so many people hurting so badly on here and there seems to be nothing that can be done about it. It just doesn't seem right.

 

[cosmicpixiedust]

Hello Pixie!

it's nice to talk to you again! I wasn't on a whole lot yesterday either, but people were making comments about how strange they were all feeling. I believe someone got upset and might've written a goodbye post, but Jean4 was able to help the person and I believe they're okay now- or as okay as we all get on this forum.
It just saddens me there's so many people hurting so badly on here and there seems to be nothing that can be done about it. It just doesn't seem right.

It's nice to talk to you again, as well! That's not good, I'm glad that Jean was able to talk them down. It's good that they are okay, as okay as can be. I know, it hurts me too. I hate seeing people in pain, and especially as you said when there seems to be nothing that can be done. It's not right! Some of the nicest people I have ever met are on this forum, and it is sad that all of us have had to suffer like this.

 

[faust]

@Compodulator Well, surprisingly I did not feel like I lost something then. Because money on deposit is not the same as your own money. I lost only 30 euro. I do not recognize the world a real one, so 1,6k were for me just numbers on the screen, not less and not more. Even if I took the winnings, could that make me happy? Obv not.
Concerning childhood songs and locations, I am not from Ukraine, but was there a few years ago. Mainly in the western part.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Just wanted to say hello to everyone on this shift of the thread. I just woke up for a minute and it's about 3:30 AM here, so I'm going back to bed in a minute and hoping I can fall asleep again. I just woke up for a minute, but just wanted to say hello. I hope everybody's doing well. I'm hoping the strange vibes have settled down now because it was a very strange day on the forum yesterday. Apparently, everybody was off kilter and just having an odd day.

Hello and good morning! Yesterday was strange indeed. I crashed really hard emotionally as well. I'm not as bad so far today.

 

[faust]

@BlueWidow Thanks a lot, my dear soulmate! Just an obsessive feeling of melancholia
@cosmicpixiedust Thank you, I appreciate your willingness to support! Sending the warm hugs too

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I feel like that dog's giving me a dirty look lol
-----------


----------------------------------------
Drinking and Country instantly reminds me of that rofl
But like with my mom... she instantly goes to like this song with drinking

Love that Garth Brooks song. Like this one too, sums up my life in a way.


It's responsible for introducing me (along with multitudes of others) to the work of Chris Ledoux.

 

[faust]

Love that Garth Brooks song. Like this one too, sums up my life in a way.


It's responsible for introducing me (along with multitudes of others) to the work of Chris Ledoux.

Oh, how was the storm for you? I rain into a downburst and it was a pure hell there, but I failed so much and did not manage to record...

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

Like I said, trying is hard.

Not really. It's not trivial, but I don't push past the point it's not enjoyable. It's fine to do small steps and aim for long-term in such things.

Have you tried DBT? It could possibly help you with some of that.

From what I read about it, sounds like less radical version of what I'm doing already. I also think with any therapy option there's a very high risk of self-deception, i.e. you start thinking that things are going to be different now, but your emotions relapse back to familiar patterns after some time once the experiences fade.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Lately, I've been getting some PMs that seem suspiciously LE like. Almost like they are "begging" for me to put myself in "legal" limbo. When I look at the profiles, they definitely raise eyebrows

That sounds really dodgy, but you can still stick around if you want. I'll miss you if you go, but I'm glad you are doing better. Good luck to you.

Oh, how was the storm for you? I rain into a downburst and it was a pure hell there, but I failed so much and did not manage to record...

It was actually okay. It was sunny, then it rained (lots) then it was sunny again. More rain on the way I think but not as bad. But others near rivers in my area suffered really badly, I'm lucky I'm not one of those, I wouldn't have coped.

Something terribly wrong in my room. I can feel the draft but all the windows and doors are not open

It's all that Coke

 

[Carina]

I'm awake.... Going to be an interesting day if this twitching in hands stays like this. Good thing is I don't plan on picking up anything heavy

 

[faust]

@Underscore Now it is too hot for me
@Carina Good morning! How were your dreams?

 

[cosmicpixiedust]

Not really. It's not trivial, but I don't push past the point it's not enjoyable. It's fine to do small steps and aim for long-term in such things.


From what I read about it, sounds like less radical version of what I'm doing already. I also think with any therapy option there's a very high risk of self-deception, i.e. you start thinking that things are going to be different now, but your emotions relapse back to familiar patterns after some time once the experiences fade.

Small steps are good! It's good to have a goal that you can work towards. I mainly used DBT to help me with mindfulness back when I had a big issue with it, and for the coping skills.

 

[Jean4]

Back to not sleeping. @L0ne1ygh0st check in please. @Root are you still being discharged tomorrow?

 

[faust]

@Jean4 Nice to see you there! Has been thinking where is Jean

 

[Jean4]

@Jean4 Nice to see you there! Has been thinking where is Jean

I have my bi monthly get tortured by my visiting nurse day in 2 hours. Getting ready. :)