Venting The No Crying Challenge (Gone Wrong, Gone Sexual)

[BeansOfRequirement]

I am at day 13 and I wanted to self-absorbedly word-vomit since I have nothing to do with my time. The goal of the challenge is to never cry again, with one year (or however long until possible unexpected events may cause an emergency ctb) as the lowest acceptable duration. The point of this is to get used to identifying and destroying my sadness, emptiness, emotional pain, tenderness and everything else that is making my autistic incel NEET life painful.

Focusing on specifically not crying and making it into a challenge is not the point, it serves as a symbol of what I want. I want to live the remainder of my life without needing what I can not obtain, without overriding my own autistic inner frameworks and guidance systems in favour of some shade of some kind of standard model for life.

I have this sense of the average person, maybe you do too. The person that does the summary of everything that everyone does divided by the number of everybody. I read somewhere that if you take hundreds of faces and synthesize them into one face, you end up with the face of someone that's very attractive. The further away you are from this, the less attractive you are, the more flaws lurk beneath your phenotype. Same principle goes with everything where people are the fabric, judge and executioner. Job markets, educations, finance, business, dating, non-solitary hobbies. There is an overhanging standard in these spheres, the flawless face, what you should look like. People deny it, but they act in perfect accordance with its existence.

It will jump into your head and stay there, then it will start issuing commands. Remind you of anything?

The nail that sticks up will get hammered down, but I will no longer do the hammering myself.




Want to vent more, especially about my fears, but I liked the length of this and I'm already bordering on TL;DR territory.

 

[Symbiote]

I read somewhere that if you take hundreds of faces and synthesize them into one face, you end up with the face of someone that's very attractive.

I did that once with all my selfies and plugged it into Google Images, I ended up with "more images of dogs"

 

[BlankUser]

I don't think crying itself is a bad thing. It can help you release emotional buildup and give some relief. But overdoing it is definitely bad. There were many times when I cried everyday for prolonged time, it made me feel even more depressed and negative. I'm also trying to reduce crying, but sometimes it's hard to control it. Some days are just better, some are worse. How do you control it?

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

I did that once with all my selfies and plugged it into Google Images, I ended up with "more images of dogs"

Might not be so bad:

White Girls Fuck Dogs / Dogpill | Know Your Meme

White Girls Fuck Dogs is a cliche referring to the belief that women, especially white women, supposedly like to have sex with large dogs, and memes refere

knowyourmeme.com

How do you control it?

The only thing that reliably works is just using willpower. It happens very fast, both the urge to crooy and the stoppage. My latest fight with the urge was when I was going through old notes and found a congratulatory card my little sister made when she was five or something. It was very over-the-top childish with happy colours, poorly drawn yet vivid flowers and bad spelling. The effects on her is probably my primary reason to not ctb (if I had a good method), parents brought it upon themselves and my older sibling has her shit together and lives independently with bf.

To hold that card whilst having my life-situation and suicidality in the back of my mind got me 50% of the way to crying.

 

[BlankUser]

The only thing that reliably works is just using willpower. It happens very fast, both the urge to crooy and the stoppage. My latest fight with the urge was when I was going through old notes and found a congratulatory card my little sister made when she was five or something. It was very over-the-top childish with happy colours, poorly drawn yet vivid flowers and bad spelling. The effects on her is probably my primary reason to not ctb (if I had a good method), parents brought it upon themselves and my older sibling has her shit together and lives independently with bf.

To hold that card whilst having my life-situation and suicidality in the back of my mind got me 50% of the way to crying.

Having someone/something you care about is definitely a motivation not to ctb (or at least to postpone it).
It's just that willpower not always works at least for me. There are times when I can hold back the tears by distracting myself, but sometimes tears just start falling against my will. I think changing the mindset can help, but it takes more time.
I also noticed that on those days when I go to the gym and workout I feel like it's a bit it easier to control the urge to cry, it's easier to control negative feelings in general then.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

It's just that willpower not always works at least for me. There are times when I can hold back the tears by distracting myself, but sometimes tears just start falling against my will.

I've had this once or twice when I was on my """"""""""medication""""""""". It's not so much about it taking a lot of willpower but rather that the will to not cry has to be almost all-pervasive in combination with catching the sadness before it can accumulate and snowball into self-pity, despair, et. al.

I also noticed that on those days when I go to the gym and workout I feel like it's a bit it easier to control the urge to cry, it's easier to control negative feelings in general then.

100%, but it's actually better to have more triggers and encounters with sadness imo. This gives us more opportunities to test our mettle and build up resistance. I like to watch normies (IRL or on screen) and read their writings to "add weight to the bar" so to speak.

 

[Symbiote]

Might not be so bad:

 

[Deleted member 8579]

Want to vent more, especially about my fears.

Go ahead; I can't be the only one who enjoys reading your posts.

crooy

What does that mean?

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Go ahead; I can't be the only one who enjoys reading your posts.

I'll never be able to leave this site if I keep getting these kinds of compliments. The fears are basically:
1. Technological advances.
2. Geopolitics.
3. Shame-inducing social situations.
4. Physical pain due to accident, illness or torture.

What does that mean?

It's Meme for "crying".

 

[Deleted member 8579]

I'll never be able to leave this site if I keep getting these kinds of compliments.

Sorry. Your posts will be met with ruthless rudeness from now on.

The fears are basically:
1. Technological advances.
2. Geopolitics.
3. Shame-inducing social situations.
4. Physical pain due to accident, illness or torture.

These are pretty rational and relatable.

It's Meme for "crying".

Meme is a language?! No wonder I've never been able to understand meme-culture!

 

[motel rooms]

Physical pain due to accident, illness or torture.

Torture?

 

[BlankUser]

I've had this once or twice when I was on my """"""""""medication""""""""". It's not so much about it taking a lot of willpower but rather that the will to not cry has to be almost all-pervasive in combination with catching the sadness before it can accumulate and snowball into self-pity, despair, et. al.

100%, but it's actually better to have more triggers and encounters with sadness imo. This gives us more opportunities to test our mettle and build up resistance. I like to watch normies (IRL or on screen) and read their writings to "add weight to the bar" so to speak.

Medication can mess up you big time. I understand what you mean about having more triggers. It's like some sort of exposure and prevention method to build up tolerance. When you stay with your triggers and anxiety for long enough - you build up tolerance and you're less affected by them in the long run. You're on the right track. I'm trying to do this, but it really takes a strong person to do this, I feel like such a weakling lol, that instead of facing my problems, I'd rather escape them, which makes any recovery even slower.