samishii
What's the point?
- Dec 24, 2021
- 103
So, this semester at uni might turn out to be my last. I am going to start trying not to since it is the most important thing towards having a career I desired since childhood. I don't think uni is too difficult, but coz of my messed up mind, I just find it difficult to do the smallest of tasks. Even going to the fucking supermarket is one for me
In case I don't stay in uni, it's done for me. CTB.
It makes me sad but I can somewhat start to feel the same peace I started feeling before my last attempt, so i guess that's a good thing.
I might start looking for SN soon and I fail to acquire it, I'll go for jumping and hope to have the guts and nothing to change my mind to jump.
*Note*- the following story has no effect on my decision of ending it if I don't stay in uni.
I usually stay off my phone, cope up with the mental struggles everyday but I couldn't get out of bed today so came here.
Recently I moved into a new shared apartment and have this girl flatmate.
I haven't had a lot of girls I've liked and especially not even close to how much I like her. We had a get-together thing recently where we talked. She was really sweet talking to me, I don't speak any german and all my flatmates were german so she kept talking in english to everyone. Basically she was so considerate.
Two days later, I was drinking and smoking so I felt like calling her smoke with me (just casually coz if you are a smoker, you don't mind company while smoking). She replied to my text saying she would like to but she is at a bar with her friends right now. To which I replied "enjoy your night, if you come back early, maybe we can smoke one". She said yes and she'll text me.
I didn't get a reply after that but the next morning i saw her and I was anyways going to smoke so I asked her again. And she came, we talked. we smoked again after sometime when she called me. When we smoked the second one and then she said she wasn't doing much, just writing a letter for her boyfriend. (I take as a sign that she isn't into me) which hurt because I wasn't even trying yet. Just called her because I liked her company just like i like my other flatmates company while smoking
Then yesterday while talking I fucked up while talking and she while laughing asked me if that was what i meant.
I thought maybe I said it wrong coz english isn't my first language. She said she could understand. I came back to my room feeling like shit since I might've offended someone. So I texted her an apology with the explanation of what I was actually going to say.
No reply yet, which I am fine with but the only thing I feel bad about is that I can fuck up even the simplest of things. So yeah.
It's not like I was actually trying to get her but sure I did want to at some point of time maybe. (If I managed to stay at uni)
P.S.- I've got zero experience with girls except for the one time when I had a fling. (I don't even know how, I wasn't even trying but it just happened). Also I hope she isn't on this forum.
In case I don't stay in uni, it's done for me. CTB.
It makes me sad but I can somewhat start to feel the same peace I started feeling before my last attempt, so i guess that's a good thing.
I might start looking for SN soon and I fail to acquire it, I'll go for jumping and hope to have the guts and nothing to change my mind to jump.
*Note*- the following story has no effect on my decision of ending it if I don't stay in uni.
I usually stay off my phone, cope up with the mental struggles everyday but I couldn't get out of bed today so came here.
Recently I moved into a new shared apartment and have this girl flatmate.
I haven't had a lot of girls I've liked and especially not even close to how much I like her. We had a get-together thing recently where we talked. She was really sweet talking to me, I don't speak any german and all my flatmates were german so she kept talking in english to everyone. Basically she was so considerate.
Two days later, I was drinking and smoking so I felt like calling her smoke with me (just casually coz if you are a smoker, you don't mind company while smoking). She replied to my text saying she would like to but she is at a bar with her friends right now. To which I replied "enjoy your night, if you come back early, maybe we can smoke one". She said yes and she'll text me.
I didn't get a reply after that but the next morning i saw her and I was anyways going to smoke so I asked her again. And she came, we talked. we smoked again after sometime when she called me. When we smoked the second one and then she said she wasn't doing much, just writing a letter for her boyfriend. (I take as a sign that she isn't into me) which hurt because I wasn't even trying yet. Just called her because I liked her company just like i like my other flatmates company while smoking
Then yesterday while talking I fucked up while talking and she while laughing asked me if that was what i meant.
I thought maybe I said it wrong coz english isn't my first language. She said she could understand. I came back to my room feeling like shit since I might've offended someone. So I texted her an apology with the explanation of what I was actually going to say.
No reply yet, which I am fine with but the only thing I feel bad about is that I can fuck up even the simplest of things. So yeah.
It's not like I was actually trying to get her but sure I did want to at some point of time maybe. (If I managed to stay at uni)
P.S.- I've got zero experience with girls except for the one time when I had a fling. (I don't even know how, I wasn't even trying but it just happened). Also I hope she isn't on this forum.
