The moment i’m conscious after waking up i want to die

[lv-gras]

Yes I know exactly what you mean. When I wake up my first thought is 'please not this place again, anything but this place again'.

There was a book I read once called 'word bearers the omnibus' and at the end there was a little short excerpt called 'torment' about a warrior who had this limbs amputated to be put into a metal machine to live forever as punishment. The story was about him being 'woken up' from his alternate reality to fight for them and how when he realised where he was again 'that sound again, the dull sound of metal on stone' and the horror of becoming concious again.

I have a simular horror when I wake up and realise where I am, except I still have all my limbs, it's only my insides that are threatening to fall out. I especially don't enjoy it when I get pain in my abdomen and wonder which way things are shifting around down there.

What I find unfair is that today I read about a 17 year old girl on drugs, taking selfies who fell asleep at the wheel taking drugs and annihilated herself while she was unconcious. Why can't that happen to me?

hugs if wanted

feel somewhat similar, except they keep taking the dreadnought away. keep hiding or taking away my mobility equipment and it's like where's the metal?

so confused.

probably my fault though. or probably just a whiner .

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Lucid dreaming and atheism don't seem to fit. You're not thinking of it as some spiritual realm then? Purely scientific, all in your head

I was giving both my point of view with me trying to learn lucid dreaming while I am alive which means it is just in my mind and the other point of view was a religious one when a person is dead but again I don´t believe in anything after death other than we stop existing.

 

[Mr2005]

It's just that people who do it tend to not just see it as something in your head but as real as this. I know because I did a course

 

[Schopenhauer]

Anyone else get this? I feel like it's a sign I should get it over and done with soon

I feel like this every single day. For years. And I go to sleep wishing for swift death.

 

[bigj75]

The only time I have some semblance of peace is when I am asleep. Waking up always makes me feel like crap.

I remember I used to sleep 12+ hours a due to depression.

 

[Roph]

Anyone else get this?

Me. I absolutely, positively agree.

 

[Cya89]

My favourite 'feeling' is being sleepy/tired now. Nothing else makes me as happy, besides like... drugs, but even then. That's how I know it's my time to CBT. It will be so good to feel sleepy and know I won't have to wake up the next day.

 

[Philip]

Every day.....

 

[Kdawg2018]

I feel like this everday

 

[OkTotti]

yes, everyday...

 

[therhydler]

Anyone else get this? I feel like it's a sign I should get it over and done with soon

Yes yes yes. Even though I hardly sleep. But when I do manage to drift off for a second I always have such beautiful dreams... and then it's like waking up in a horror film. Knowing I will have to finish myself off somehow because this constant agony is unbearable

 

[Bread]

Yes yes yes. Even though I hardly sleep. But when I do manage to drift off for a second I always have such beautiful dreams... and then it's like waking up in a horror film. Knowing I will have to finish myself off somehow because this constant agony is unbearable

This to a T. It's always the worst when I wake up from a dream. I get this unbearable sense of loss when I realize it wasn't real. My first thoughts are always, "What am I doing here? Why am I still here?" I can't wait to die so I can return to oblivion.

 

[Jen Erik]

I alternate between this thought and feeling disappointed I woke up at all, to live another day.

 

[Kingkelly]

Yep... Everyday I'm like really this again. Why can't I die in my sleep.

 

[Numbtopain97]

everyday

 

[Exitforme]

For me it's very weird and painful. Sometimes the day goes well and I see how life can be beautiful. Somedays it's very depressing and I wake up with nothing but death on my mind. I wish I could find a way to always be in the good state without relying on medicine...

 

[Dawn0071111]

Yup.... Its that feeling of "...awwe SHIT.." I'm still here ..dammit!