The mental gymnastics my SI makes up to keep avoiding suicide just keep reaching new heights

[orange]

First it was "noooo it's still too soon to make a decision, I haven't tried literally everything else yet" when if I was the kind of person to try everything first, I wouldn't be in this position in the first place. It is in my nature to be anxious and lazy and get overwhelmed and self isolate, such are the traits that make my life miserable and such are the traits that keep me from getting help. Then it was "noooo SN is so expensive, I have to make some money first" as if it would matter how much I had to pay after I was dead. Mind you, I have more than enough money saved from pevious jobs, and the money I've cost my family in the last few months greatly surpasses the money I would've had to spend on it. Now it's "noooo the package will never get to my house, it'll get intercepted because of the nyt article" like ffs I just want to die

 

[Snake of Eden]

Your SI has a good sense of humor

 

[FuneralCry]

The SI can be very frustrating, as even know many of us want to die, we are programmed to survive. The SI can mean that ctb is very difficult and it can prolong our suffering. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[Onthe29th]

I thought it was just me. My SI is giving me false hope that somehow things will work out when I know there's no way in hell and this is the only way out of all of my pain, regret, and misery. I had a feeling that was the case but I think it helps to be able to confirm that and see that it's normal.

 

[Braindead Atheist]

Yeah, there are a lot of set backs when planning a suicide. i have been trying to take my own life for some time i tried co 2 times, and diphenhydramine once. I also tried buying Nembutal but it was a scam. Suicide is complicated. Btw, how do you take sn? Is it inhaled or...

 

[fox_wannabe]

My SI is on it's last stand. I am afraid of how will my death look like. I am afraid of how Sn will affect me. I am afraid I will panic and call for help.

 

[Noctis]

Yeah, there are a lot of set backs when planning a suicide. i have been trying to take my own life for some time i tried co 2 times, and diphenhydramine once. I also tried buying Nembutal but it was a scam. Suicide is complicated. Btw, how do you take sn? Is it inhaled or...

We can't talk about methods, but the Peaceful Pill handbook is stickied in the suicide forum. It'll tell you everything you need.

 

[Braindead Atheist]

We can't talk about methods, but the Peaceful Pill handbook is stickied in the suicide forum. It'll tell you everything you need.

can you send me the link?

 

[Noctis]

can you send me the link?

I gotchu, fam.

https://fs-01.cyberdrop.to/PPeH_Nov_(25)_2021-3SFMAtwR.pdf

 

[Braindead Atheist]

I gotchu, fam.

https://fs-01.cyberdrop.to/PPeH_Nov_(25)_2021-3SFMAtwR.pdf

Thankyou!

 

[Lost Magic]

The SI can be very frustrating, as even know many of us want to die, we are programmed to survive. The SI can mean that ctb is very difficult and it can prolong our suffering. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

Yes, I agree. However, I think benzos and propranolol would help a great deal to supress SI. Drugs like that would certainly take the edge off and reduce the racing heart and anxiety levels. I am counting on them because I hope to be gone this year.

 

[Beer]

What does SI mean?

 

[Lost Magic]

What does SI mean?

Survival Instinct.

 

[Wrennie]

SI is the bane of my existence. I had everything planned & ready to go, but in the end I didn't go through with it. Even though I was staring directly in the mirror and saw just how screwed I was from this ungodly disease, and I was trembling from the agony, I just couldn't will myself to bring the glass to my mouth.

 

[WilNord]

I don't think that's your survival instinct talking, bud.
Unless I am in the act- Let's say ligature pressed down on the neck while I "sit" - Then my SI never kicks in. I don't get scared when buying stuff or touching it and if I had N, drinking it either
At best I have a PI, aka Police Instinct, because they'd seize my stuff, cause a huge drama and just throw me in the loony bin despite not having any mental illnesses

 

[orange]

I don't think that's your survival instinct talking, bud.
Unless I am in the act- Let's say ligature pressed down on the neck while I "sit" - Then my SI never kicks in. I don't get scared when buying stuff or touching it and if I had N, drinking it either
At best I have a PI, aka Police Instinct, because they'd seize my stuff, cause a huge drama and just throw me in the loony bin despite not having any mental illnesses

That kind of is your survival instinct tough, isn't it? Finding excuses not to attempt even though you want to. It doesn't have to be fear of death, it can be fear of consecuences if you survive, or fear of paying for something that will never arrive in my case.

 

[WilNord]

That kind of is your survival instinct tough, isn't it? Finding excuses not to attempt even though you want to. It doesn't have to be fear of death, it can be fear of consecuences if you survive, or fear of paying for something that will never arrive in my case.

I can buy it and do everything I want, I just get scared while waiting. If I have it in my hands all my fears go away, way different to OP who's scared of even buying things.
Also I don't see fear of consequences being the same as SI because SI is the fear of dying and missing out on things that you can't feel/see/touch because you're dead while someone being scared of the consequences isn't scared of dying but rather the opposite, they want to die very badly and want nothing to go wrong as it'll make things worse.