Venting the memories kill me.

[angxlicc]

All the interactions, moments and notions in life are just exhausting.

Lock down and the whole situation just worsens everything because the energy I would use towards daily errands is now fixated upon my daily dread to live.

I reside in the past - never the present nor the future.

Death seems such a viable escape at this point, but who knows what may come after..

 

[faust]

Hello,
Now times are tough and we don't know what will be in the future. We can only predict, however, predictions are not a reality.
The best thing now would be to simply wait. To wait before the fog disappears.
At this time try to find some unusual activities to distract yourself. Maybe a kind of a hobby which you would never do under normal circumstances.
To make waiting more comfortable can be the aim right now.
Wish you a good luck!

 

[deadpixels]

I feel that. No matter what you do you can't change anything. People may tell you that you can still do anything with your life, but if you want to do anything from now on, it's not the same as having done it in the past, in the proper time, it will never be.

My past haunts me every day, it's like dead pixels on a screen. You may still watch anything you ever want to, but the pixels are there, on every image, staring at you... it's permanent.

 

[SpareWheel]

I feel you. The person I am now is all down to the horrible things I've endured in that past, I've tried to move on but I can't, I spend every night going over things I can't change but wish I could. Decisions I made wrongly, people I trusted I shouldn't have, people I didn't trust I should have because of the people I did trust ruining me. Vicious circle.

I know deep down things will never get better, sounds like you're the same. Some people can't live for the future because the past has broken them, or it's impossible to shake off. I honestly feel like suicide is the one thing I life I have full control of, nobody else can ruin my life if I choose to end it. The biggest fuck you of all.