Venting the guilt from leaving my parents behind

[leaftomb]

My dad recently turned 60, and for some reason it made me feel incredibly guilty for wanting to CTB before even reaching 20. I'm an only child, and still pretty young, not even out of highschool yet. I feel bad leaving my parents "alone", and that they won't get to see me graduate from college, get married, etc. My dad always talks about how he could die tomorrow for all we know, but it pains me so much to imagine how he'll feel if I do pass before him, which is most likely. I guess I feel guilty for not being able to stay for them, at least. I'm trying to hold on until I move out to CTB so maybe it won't be as harsh for them, but it probably doesn't change much. I just hope they realize it isn't their fault.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

What is leading you to want to die? Do you think it is worth exploring adult life before making the decision to die?

 

[leaftomb]

What is leading you to want to die? Do you think it is worth exploring adult life before making the decision to die?

i just feel i can't find happiness in anything anymore, i feel pathetic. i've also struggled with disordered eating and sh for a while, which doesn't help. i don't have any goals or hopes for the future, and honestly i don't want my parents ending up in debt to put me into college just for me to CTB a few months in, yk? i'm just wasting my life away already, so i might as well just end it and stop wasting resources and time.