Venting the feeling of hate scares me

[manic]

of course hate is normal and natural but the thought of someone specifically hating me or even multiple people always scares me so badly and makes me even more suicidal- i know theres someone out there that hates me so badly and it makes me feel awful especially if he or anyone else didnt feel any remorse towards me. he emotionally abused me and now i keep thinking about other people not liking me and it makes me feel so numb and fragile.

 

[Buh-bye!]

you know i get that feeling too sometimes, mostly when i am in public actually. and it um makes me act obnoxious at times. right now i live mostly in cope so i mostly am careless about who thinks what and all that but earlier when i used to feel like this i sort of developed a cure. not necessarily a cure, it was more like i gradually changed my perspective towards things, i reshaped my mind and emotions into a different person's. what i mean is i firstly, stopped caring about people and the surrounding ( a bit ) since i was practicing preserving my emotions. second, just considered everybody deserving of a better life and kindness and understood hate is an emotion that gradually wears off and is just an emotion. ( most humans don't have any control over their emotions so i instead felt pity for someone who was entrapped by something so vicious ).

that was my 2cents ( literally ) with the aim to maybe help you, if i did do let me know alright ?
if you want something elaborated, i'd do that too since i get this a lot that i am not good at expressing or explaining.