Help The effect of my suicide on my family

[Mierda]

I'm worried about what my family will face and what they will deal with in the aftermath of my suicide, especially my dad. He is a strong person so I think he will be able to handle it but I am not sure at all.

Is there a way I can compartmentalize this? I know me leaving is the right decision.


Thank you.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

What exactly scares you about leaving them? Whether they will be financially supported? Or are you more concerned about their emotional health?

you can't prevent grief, and some form of depression is typical during the grieving process. They will never forget you and losing you will be a huge, permanent loss in their lives. But there's nothing you can do about that except to keep living.

I would say at the very least try to leave them with the resources they need to cope once you're gone. Do not blame them in your note at all, not even indirectly. Be sure to leave a note in general if they are the types to need closure, have some of your final arrangements prepared so that they can focus entirely on grieving. Beyond that, they'll be on their own, that's the reality of it all.

 

[DarkNearDeath]

It's inevitable. It's better to assume that after life is a complete void, where time stops, including those that we worry of.

 

[Bullit]

I would think long and hard about ctb knowing you are leaving loved ones behind. Just give it time.

 

[Mierda]

What exactly scares you about leaving them? Whether they will be financially supported? Or are you more concerned about their emotional health?

you can't prevent grief, and some form of depression is typical during the grieving process. They will never forget you and losing you will be a huge, permanent loss in their lives. But there's nothing you can do about that except to keep living.

I would say at the very least try to leave them with the resources they need to cope once you're gone. Do not blame them in your note at all, not even indirectly. Be sure to leave a note in general if they are the types to need closure, have some of your final arrangements prepared so that they can focus entirely on grieving. Beyond that, they'll be on their own, that's the reality of it all.

Thank you for the reply. I am mainly worried about the stigma they will have to deal with and their emotional health but I also wish I could help them out financially in the future even though they will likely be fine in that regard.

I do plan on leaving a note that helps them; I just wish there was a way I could prevent the stigma.

 

[FuneralCry]

I know suicide will be traumatic for those left behind, but it's just the inevitable consequence of bringing children into the world, they are bound to go through loss. People cannot be expected to stay alive for others when they are suffering, it is selfish. I think many families can move on better if there is a note which explains the reasons as people struggle with grief more as they are asking themselves 'why have they done this'.
It's a shame we live in a world where there is so much stigma against suicide, it should be accepted and understood in cases of suffering.

 

[Diesel_Punk]

It will probably be horrible for at least my parents, the first year or so especially. I talked to them multiple times about how I am really not in a good place (not sure I ever was...) but they seem to be in denial about how bad things really are and I really don't want to burden them unnecessarily.

I know one can always rationalise and say that you did not have a say in being thrown into this world so why should they have a say in you leaving it but imagining the sounds my mother will make when she learns that I ctb and the pure unadulterated despair that comes along with loosing one's child makes me feel like shit about the fact that I will in all likelihood do that to them.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

Thank you for the reply. I am mainly worried about the stigma they will have to deal with and their emotional health but I also wish I could help them out financially in the future even though they will likely be fine in that regard.

I do plan on leaving a note that helps them; I just wish there was a way I could prevent the stigma.

Totally understandable, I have the same fear. do you live in the USA? I know in some cultures, filial piety (i think that's the word honoring/taking care of your parents?) is very important. I'm Latina, and latin families can be full of gossips who will say all sorts of nonsense about people, even when they're dead. Some people are just assholes and that trascends language and culture. But you can't think of how you will protect your family from that kind of judgement, because there's no way to stop it. Even if your family is kind and only offers support, your parents might still feel paranoid and ashamed, and that will be their internal, natural reaction to the grief.

the way I try to see it is that they probably deal with the shame already. Idk your situation but if your mental illness has been a big detriment to your life, and you have a relationship with your extended family, there might already be talk about you. Maybe you can ask your family how they feel about that now, and see what could help to make them more comfortable. You might find that they aren't even bothered by that kinda thing, and it'd give them more solace to know that you knew this and you appreciated their belief in you.

The stigma is societal, unfortunately it's a problem that might not be fixed for a couple more generations, and in that time thousands more people will take their own lives. You won't be able to change that even if you lived to old age, so focus on what's actually within your power. Focus on the shame your family might feel in *themselves*, the shame that they may not have done enough for you, that they let you down or did something wrong. The way you decide to deal with that will last them for the rest of their lifetime, because that's their last connection to you. What other people say about you and your life under their breaths will be beyond them honestly, they will be able to confront them and defend themselves, but you won't be able to do that, and your family won't be able to get your feelings on the matter either.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I think it is messed up that in society children are naturally expected to burden the death of their parents. But not the other way around. There are just so many rules and expectations you have to navigate through in life.

I hate how you are guilt tripped constantly if you are less than 100% grateful and happy for a shitty life you never even asked for.