Discussion The Echo Chamber/My Goodbye Thread

[MyShadow]

Since becoming a member of Sanctioned Suicide 7 weeks ago, I find myself spending many hours a day here.

• First, it was to vent my pain and experiences, then reading and answering every response.
• Then I started seeking and researching methods to end my life, responding to posts and reading further.
• I started "doom scrolling" page after page of threads, responding to random posts and waiting for responses.
• I learned that the rabbit hole of links goes on forever.
• Then the back and forth with private messages started.
• Of course then I started re-reading my threads and going back to see if I missed any responses.
• Most recently, I have been following and chatting with members who have inevitably killed themselves, and finding myself sad that I could not talk them out of it.

What I find most disturbing is that through relating to much of what I was reading, I was allowing myself to sink deeper into my depression and not allowing myself to heal. Sanctioned Suicide has become an unhealthy obsession and an echo chamber of my pain, my darkest thoughts and suicidal ideation. I have allowed for it to feed that darkness and push me further toward taking my life.

I take full responsibility for this.

There are options on this site for help and recovery. I also credit this forum for preventing me from a hasty, poorly planned suicide via a method that would not just harm me but put me into a worse position in my life than when I started. I have learned so much here and appreciate the wisdom that so many of you have shared. You taught me that it's OK to have these feelings and normalized "screaming into the void". Nowhere else have I felt safer to do this.

Yet, I think my time here is done. While my situation has not improved much and my future remains unclear, I want to see if there's something beyond killing myself. I want to see beyond my fear and trauma, beyond my symptoms and certainly beyond my suicidal ideation. I want to try to reconnect with my life and the people in it.

Thank you everyone for allowing me to experience this. Thank you for helping me understand. For those who are struggling, I urge you to look beyond your pain and try to see some of the beauty of the world. I know it can be a dark, ugly place but there still moments of amazing joy, and while I too struggle to see it, I want to at least try. I encourage you to try with me.

Respectfully and with Love,
- Shadow

 

[TBONTB]

I wish you the best on your journey of hope. Thank you for coming here and sharing it.

 

[MyShadow]

I wish you the best on your journey of hope. Thank you for coming here and sharing it.

Thank you. I hope that you can find the peace and kindness you seek and appreciate chatting with you.

 

[darksouls]

good luck, I wish you the best

 

[twitter]

Since becoming a member of Sanctioned Suicide 7 weeks ago, I find myself spending many hours a day here.

• First, it was to vent my pain and experiences, then reading and answering every response.
• Then I started seeking and researching methods to end my life, responding to posts and reading further.
• I started "doom scrolling" page after page of threads, responding to random posts and waiting for responses.
• I learned that the rabbit hole of links goes on forever.
• Then the back and forth with private messages started.
• Of course then I started re-reading my threads and going back to see if I missed any responses.
• Most recently, I have been following and chatting with members who have inevitably killed themselves, and finding myself sad that I could not talk them out of it.

What I find most disturbing is that through relating to much of what I was reading, I was allowing myself to sink deeper into my depression and not allowing myself to heal. Sanctioned Suicide has become an unhealthy obsession and an echo chamber of my pain, my darkest thoughts and suicidal ideation. I have allowed for it to feed that darkness and push me further toward taking my life.

I take full responsibility for this.

There are options on this site for help and recovery. I also credit this forum for preventing me from a hasty, poorly planned suicide via a method that would not just harm me but put me into a worse position in my life than when I started. I have learned so much here and appreciate the wisdom that so many of you have shared. You taught me that it's OK to have these feelings and normalized "screaming into the void". Nowhere else have I felt safer to do this.

Yet, I think my time here is done. While my situation has not improved much and my future remains unclear, I want to see if there's something beyond killing myself. I want to see beyond my fear and trauma, beyond my symptoms and certainly beyond my suicidal ideation. I want to try to reconnect with my life and the people in it.

Thank you everyone for allowing me to experience this. Thank you for helping me understand. For those who are struggling, I urge you to look beyond your pain and try to see some of the beauty of the world. I know it can be a dark, ugly place but there still moments of amazing joy, and while I too struggle to see it, I want to at least try. I encourage you to try with me.

Respectfully and with Love,
- Shadow

This has been a very intellectual and emotional read, thank you for putting your thoughts and and i wish you the best. I hope you can find the beauty and joys of life than you (and me both) desire to see.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it's important to be self aware like this and, to assess whether what we are browsing/ doing/ even our lifestyles are taking us in a direction we want to go. I hope you do find a more positive path for yourself and I wish you all the very best.

 

[moonmuse]

Glad i read your post.
I wish you all the happiness in life.
I am leaving this platform too.

 

[MyShadow]

good luck, I wish you the best

Dark Souls, while I don't know your story, I hope that you can find peace. I also wanted to say thank you for everything you've posted and for the support that you show others.

This has been a very intellectual and emotional read, thank you for putting your thoughts and and i wish you the best. I hope you can find the beauty and joys of life than you (and me both) desire to see.

Thank you for your kind words and let's hope that we have the courage to push toward better days and a better understanding on how we can cope with the crazy world we live in.

 

[RadiantNumber]

I hope you will find peace in afterlife

 

[MyShadow]

I hope you will find peace in afterlife

Um, I am choosing to move on from SanSu and hold off on killing myself but thanks for the thought

 

[SunnySideSummer]

I am happy to read this , i am in the same situation but without posting much

Well i created my account even after i started to think maybe i dont have to end my life I can have AT LEAST one last vital momentum

My friends they'd really help me

I wish you the best buddy

 

[RadiantNumber]

Um, I am choosing to move on from SanSu and hold off on killing myself but thanks for the thought

So I hope you find peace in live and recover, good luck ;)
Sorry this happens when you reply without reading topic :D

 

[MyShadow]

I am happy to read this , i am in the same situation but without posting much
Well i created my account even after i started to think maybe i dont have to end my life I can have AT LEAST one last vital momentum
My friends they'd really help me
I wish you the best buddy

It's important to understand the feelings associated with suicide without being compelled to end your life.
It's also important to know and understand your options in the event that you choose to CTB. Every situation is different.
I hope you can find meaning and purpose in your life and forge ahead.
Thanks for the kind words.

 

[Cosmophobic]

I appreciated your posts. You always made an effort to empathize and help.

Good luck.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

It was good seeing you around here, thank you for having been a part of the community. Wishing you all the best!

 

[MyShadow]

I appreciated your posts. You always made an effort to empathize and help.

Good luck.

Dear Cosmo,
After months of feeling alone and isolated I felt welcome by everyone here. I wanted to return the favor and share the kindness that was freely given to me.
Thank you for your kind words.
Shadow

 

[MissAbyss]

I'm sorry to read that, but it's completely understandable. Your own health always comes first. I want to thank you for all the wisdom that you have shared, it was very valuable for many among us.

I wish you all the best. ️

 

[rozeske]

Only you know best of what it is you want out of the life you're living. It's always good when someone throughly assesses that desire and take charge to achieve that goal. I wish you the best in your future endeavors. Love and peace in your journey.

 

[Irisse]

I wish you luck on your recovery journey.

 

[MyShadow]

I'm sorry to read that, but it's completely understandable. Your own health always comes first. I want to thank you for all the wisdom that you have shared, it was very valuable for many among us.

I wish you all the best. ️

Thank you for this. It is difficult to leave but need to focus on changing my mindset to get healthy again.

I wish you luck on your recovery journey.

Thank you and I hope that you can find it in yourself to find a path to recover and find peace in that journey.
I made friends here who have chosen to end their lives and I'd hope that at least ONE person will choose recovery over death.

I just want everyone to find an end to their suffering that includes love, peace and recovery. I know that that is a big request, but it's important to me.
With love and respect,
-Shadown

Only you know best of what it is you want out of the life you're living. It's always good when someone throughly assesses that desire and take charge to achieve that goal. I wish you the best in your future endeavors. Love and peace in your journey.

I wish for you to find peace and thank you for your kindness.
-Shadow