the draining part of my suicide

[hipsnake]

I made a post a bit ago about how I'm planning for suicide and I feel guilty for lying to everyone. quite frankly, I had no idea that hiding it would be the most exhausting part of this plan, and right after being waiting. while I care for my friends it gets draining to have to pretend to be okay or be distant so they don't catch on, because some of my friends are very observant.
so my question is, should I start pushing these people away? instead of entertaining them would that be the better option? I'm very unsure..my friends are lovely people and it'll hurt them but I'll be hurting them either way when I die..unsure if I should enjoy the rest of the time I have with them or push them away for good.

 

[loserr]

I pushed a lot of people away recently because I felt like an entertainer, you will either feel a little better or pretty bored unless you have other friends you don't feel this way around.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

We are all trapped in this situation that makes it even more difficult for us. If only people wanted or at least tried to understand our way of thinking instead of causing more pain to us.

 

[nothingissacred]

personally i wouldnt try to push my friends aways, if you have no plan when you want to ctb you could just slowly move out of their lives but if you have a plan and there isnt alot of time i dont think there is a good way to push them away apart from doing stuff that makes them hate you in some way which i think would hurt more than just ctb ing

 

[hipsnake]

We are all trapped in this situation that makes it even more difficult for us. If only people wanted or at least tried to understand our way of thinking instead of causing more pain to us.

exactly how I feel..so frustrating that I can't express my feelings without getting shamed and being in fear that I'll be stopped. it's exhausting and I wish they would try to see it my way like how I've seen it their way.

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly think it's for the best to try and avoid those people and distance yourself. This is because if they found out that you want to die it could very easily just make existing much worse, they could potentially try to interfere in any possible plans to die as the reality is that we exist in a world where most people refuse to accept suicide as the valid option that it really is. There's just no point to trying to make them understand as it's unlikely they would.