The constant rejection is getting to me. I just want to be loved for once.

[SadLoser]

I don't see how I manage to turn off every single woman who ever shows interest in me. I always reciprocate, compliment them, treat them with respect, listen and remember details about them. They describe me as sweet and kind and all that, but their attraction always dies very soon after.

Recently I had unpaid sex for the first time with a girl I met through friends. She would compliment me, get flirty especially when drunk, she described me as sweet and caring to my friends, had me saved as "*my name* hot" in her phone. Said we should do it again. I really wanted to have something with her, I really liked her. But then it just died down. She stopped texting me as enthusiastically, she would take much longer to reply, stopped texting me first, now she ignores my texts completely, in person she acts cold and distant now.

I just hate how this is how all my interactions with women go. Even when they make the first move, they STILL lose interest in me almost immediately. I don't understand what they find so repulsive about me as a person.
For once i'd like to have some kind a connection with a girl, to love and care for someone and also get that in return.

But all I ever get is rejected and I can't take it anymore. I can't sleep at night, I need to curl up in a ball because I feel physically ill thinking about it. I find it extremely difficult to get out of bed most mornings. I have 0 energy. How can I love myself if no one else loves me? I got a glimpse of what it was like, it felt absolutely amazing. I wish it would last.

 

[CynicalCyanide]

How old are you? How often have you been through something like this, where they show interest and quickly lose interest? Because "always" sounds like you have been trough it 10+ times, but theres a difference if you have been through this 3 times or 10 times. I know 3 times can feel like it's really a pattern and it must be something about you, but it can be coincedence.
Sorry for these questions, but I like to get a better view at it so I can say more relevant things. Now that these things are out of the way: It seems like you are good-looking, so you got that. Im not good looking, and it hurts as fuck and makes it more difficult, but i have had 2 girlfriends for a longer period of time, and 1 was really out of my league. I just want to say with this that anything is possible and you need to find the right person. Eventually there will be someone that loves you. I dont know you so I cant say things like "be more confident" or "try to not insult her" or "dont be desperate" because thats general advise for a very specific situation.
Do you have a friend that sees you interact with these women you you can ask for an honest opinion? I dont think there's anything from with you, I honestly think it's just a coincedence or there is no spark or anything.

At last, try to see loving yourself apart from someone else loving you. It's possible. And I'm no expert at it, because I don't love myself either and have the same thought

 

[Dejected 55]

You're still doing better than me. The only sex I ever had was decades ago when I paid for it... Girls like me just fine until I tell them I like them, then they go away quickly. I only had a few dates from blind dates... no one I asked out in person that I already knew ever said yes.

I get your pain... you're just a few steps ahead of me in that you can actually get the first stage of a relationship apparently.

 

[SadLoser]

How old are you? How often have you been through something like this, where they show interest and quickly lose interest? Because "always" sounds like you have been trough it 10+ times, but theres a difference if you have been through this 3 times or 10 times. I know 3 times can feel like it's really a pattern and it must be something about you, but it can be coincedence.
Sorry for these questions, but I like to get a better view at it so I can say more relevant things. Now that these things are out of the way: It seems like you are good-looking, so you got that. Im not good looking, and it hurts as fuck and makes it more difficult, but i have had 2 girlfriends for a longer period of time, and 1 was really out of my league. I just want to say with this that anything is possible and you need to find the right person. Eventually there will be someone that loves you. I dont know you so I cant say things like "be more confident" or "try to not insult her" or "dont be desperate" because thats general advise for a very specific situation.
Do you have a friend that sees you interact with these women you you can ask for an honest opinion? I dont think there's anything from with you, I honestly think it's just a coincedence or there is no spark or anything.

At last, try to see loving yourself apart from someone else loving you. It's possible. And I'm no expert at it, because I don't love myself either and have the same thought

Thanks for the reply.

I am 24 years old and honestly, this has happened to me dozens of times since the age of 17 or so when I really started going out and meeting people. Like I said, I had unpaid sex for the first time a few months ago even though I should've had it at the very least 5 times already and that was just 100% definite fool-proof sex (which still never happened). There were dozens of times where a girl approached me and showed clear interest and any other person would've turned that into a relationship or at least a hookup but it always fizzles out for me. What i'm really looking for is a relationship. I think casual sex would be very depressing for me.

I really don't know what i'm doing wrong. I'm awkward and shy, sure, but I feel like I improved massively. I try like hell to overcome it and talk to people, including women. I try my best to make eye contact, actually listen to what they're saying, respond as best as I can. I had conversations that I felt were going well. But in the end it always ends in a rejection, sometimes friendly and sometimes hostile.

I have friends that described me as being very awkward with girls (not making eye contact for example) but again that was some time ago, now i'm more so just quiet than awkward. That's definitely a flaw I have. I often feel like I don't have anything to say, but I have also made progress with that. I'm much better than I was as a teenager but it feels like it only lead to marginal improvements in the responses I get from women.

I try to love myself but humans are a social species. Constantly getting rejected makes me feel really sad and like i'm not worth anything. It'd be different if it was every once and again, that's what happens to most people, but to have failed every single time? It's difficult to cope with.

 

[Pale_Rider]

Life just isn't fair is it?

 

[Dejected 55]

That's what I've tried to explain to people over the years. Rejection in and of itself isn't the worst thing, even when they are mean about it... But constant rejection after rejection and never being accepted even once... that takes a toll. Doesn't matter how much I like myself, nobody else has to like me and clearly they don't... and eventually that becomes unsustainable.

 

[SadLoser]

That's what I've tried to explain to people over the years. Rejection in and of itself isn't the worst thing, even when they are mean about it... But constant rejection after rejection and never being accepted even once... that takes a toll. Doesn't matter how much I like myself, nobody else has to like me and clearly they don't... and eventually that becomes unsustainable.

Very true. Luckily unlike in my teenage years, I now have friends who actually respect me. Back then I was just a bullied lolcow for any "friend" group I became a part of. So it's nice that this is now no longer the case and I feel more or less like an equal.
But when it comes to success with women... yeah, there's none there. Just rejection after rejection in my "romantic" life.