TeflonMummy
Member
- Apr 1, 2023
- 45
In May I had the worst day of my life so far. I know everyone feels like its the end of the world when they're dumped. I've had my heart broken previously too, I know it isn't worth dying over... the feelings I felt on that day did not care. It was no surprise to me when I was told, it had been the finale of a cycle that'd been running for as long as I could remember in our relationship. I can only half remember how I responded to the last thing that he told me.
It felt like using a phone in the shower. Wiping away tears with futile effort as my whole body shook reading those words. All the letters fell out of the words we wrote previously. A chain grown so long by age suddenly cracked by the weight applied to it, and those shock waves from it whipping the ground hit me. I think I sobbed so hard I fell asleep.
I woke up to a completely changed internal world. I didn't feel like moving at all. Nothing felt like it was supposed to be. We were supposed to grow old together, and now I was going to die alone. My eyes were so puffy as I entered the shower I didn't actually realize what album I'd selected on my phone.
There isn't any music that is one size fits all. You may listen to this album and feel nothing at all. I've been a life long Nine Inch Nails fan since my mom introduced me to their music. However, in my opinion, "Still" is one of the most crushing albums they've ever made.
Pretty Hate Machine is a timeless classic, filled with headbanging regrets and hard vocals perfect for "car karaoke" and parties with semi-familiar friends. Still is the unfamiliar noose you suddenly find when cleaning out your closet from when you were a teenager. Each track on that album felt like I was stripping more and more away from the life I'd just had up until moments ago. I was confused on the first track, it was the same song; "Something I can never have", but so much more heartbreaking. The lyrics felt so quiet and personal in the beginning I turned off the water to hear them. It made me feel like Trent had just experienced the same thing I had.
Adrift & At Peace felt absolutely alien to me. The Fragile sent me back into a hysterical mess. The Becoming filled me with all the regrets I'd left at my bedside. I can't remember what I was feeling or thinking when Gone, Still played. The Day The World Went Away reminded me of the options I was now considering. And All That Could Have Been ground down whatever hope I had left. If I had brought my method into the shower with me, I think I would've beaten my SI during The Persistence Of Loss. I couldn't make it through the entirety of Leaving Hope the first time.
When I got up I was ready to die.
For better or for worse I'm still here.
I had never ever played this album previously, and I will be honest re-listening to it will never be the same as hearing it the first time. This Album caused me a great deal of comfort in the weeks leading up to now after I'd gotten over the initial shock of what happened, even if those events are still fresh in my head.
I'm glad I didn't do it then, it would've been an impulsive choice. It made me realize however that suicide is not an ugly option. Some wounds you will never recover from, and I think for those people it is their way out. Things have gotten better for me thankfully; though I'm very upfront to acknowledge how lucky I am that they did. I wish and hope that for anyone it hasn't; that it does. I would give up what I have to do that for someone else given the opportunity.
Whatever you make of Still, I hope it helps you know you aren't alone out there. I share it with you all because I think without it, I wouldn't be here, as ironic as that is to the title of my story.
I love you all.
It felt like using a phone in the shower. Wiping away tears with futile effort as my whole body shook reading those words. All the letters fell out of the words we wrote previously. A chain grown so long by age suddenly cracked by the weight applied to it, and those shock waves from it whipping the ground hit me. I think I sobbed so hard I fell asleep.
I woke up to a completely changed internal world. I didn't feel like moving at all. Nothing felt like it was supposed to be. We were supposed to grow old together, and now I was going to die alone. My eyes were so puffy as I entered the shower I didn't actually realize what album I'd selected on my phone.
There isn't any music that is one size fits all. You may listen to this album and feel nothing at all. I've been a life long Nine Inch Nails fan since my mom introduced me to their music. However, in my opinion, "Still" is one of the most crushing albums they've ever made.
Pretty Hate Machine is a timeless classic, filled with headbanging regrets and hard vocals perfect for "car karaoke" and parties with semi-familiar friends. Still is the unfamiliar noose you suddenly find when cleaning out your closet from when you were a teenager. Each track on that album felt like I was stripping more and more away from the life I'd just had up until moments ago. I was confused on the first track, it was the same song; "Something I can never have", but so much more heartbreaking. The lyrics felt so quiet and personal in the beginning I turned off the water to hear them. It made me feel like Trent had just experienced the same thing I had.
Adrift & At Peace felt absolutely alien to me. The Fragile sent me back into a hysterical mess. The Becoming filled me with all the regrets I'd left at my bedside. I can't remember what I was feeling or thinking when Gone, Still played. The Day The World Went Away reminded me of the options I was now considering. And All That Could Have Been ground down whatever hope I had left. If I had brought my method into the shower with me, I think I would've beaten my SI during The Persistence Of Loss. I couldn't make it through the entirety of Leaving Hope the first time.
When I got up I was ready to die.
For better or for worse I'm still here.
I had never ever played this album previously, and I will be honest re-listening to it will never be the same as hearing it the first time. This Album caused me a great deal of comfort in the weeks leading up to now after I'd gotten over the initial shock of what happened, even if those events are still fresh in my head.
I'm glad I didn't do it then, it would've been an impulsive choice. It made me realize however that suicide is not an ugly option. Some wounds you will never recover from, and I think for those people it is their way out. Things have gotten better for me thankfully; though I'm very upfront to acknowledge how lucky I am that they did. I wish and hope that for anyone it hasn't; that it does. I would give up what I have to do that for someone else given the opportunity.
Whatever you make of Still, I hope it helps you know you aren't alone out there. I share it with you all because I think without it, I wouldn't be here, as ironic as that is to the title of my story.
I love you all.
