Thank you. I no longer want to die.

[struggles_inc]

I've been registered here since 2023, and I've been having suicidal thoughts since 2011-13.

However, in February something snapped when I decided to research my patterns of behaviour. I soon stumbled upon something that made so much sense. I don't want to self-diagnose, so I don't intend to elaborate, and maybe I will talk to a therapist about it just to confirm. However, I no longer feel in need of help.

I still do feel upset sometimes, but I stopped feeling like I want to end it. Life doesn't bring me much joy either. But now that there's some logic in everything, I'm more at peace than ever. I waited a couple months to make this post just to make sure my new condition wasn't changing too quickly.

I'm very thankful to this page and this community for everything. You've seen my darkest moments and didn't turn on me like almost everyone else in my life.

If it's ok, I don't want to delete my account and will visit sometimes. Hopefully… I won't feel the need to cease to breathe ever again.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm glad you recovered! Good luck!

 

[getoutgirl]

I'm so happy to hear that!!!
Glad you better understand yourself and feel at peace. That can take a lot of time and effort (u know) so if you feel better now savour it, it's well earned.
Remember that if you ever get those feelings or thoughts back at some point it's ok, that doesn't mean your work was for nothing or that you are in the same place as before, and you will probably be better prepared to deal with them. Just keep that way back in your mind in case.
But I also hope the worst is behind you for good :)
Take care <3

 

[charliewantstodie]

this is amazing news, happy for you!! sending love

 

[hang in there]

I hope you can feel that way for the rest of your life. Good luck on the greener side of the grass :)

 

[CynicalCyanide]

I am proud of you. I really hope this positive state will be consistent and will help you to a happy life!
If ever you want to elaborate (maybe after a diagnosis?), I am really curious what it it and how it helps you! It mjust might help other as well :)

 

[Linda]

I'm glad to hear that things are improving for you.

 

[timechained]

Knowledge can be powerful. Congratulations on your recovery!

 

[J&L383]

I am proud of you. I really hope this positive state will be consistent and will help you to a happy life!
If ever you want to elaborate (maybe after a diagnosis?), I am really curious what it it and how it helps you! It mjust might help other as well :)

Agree. It's not too personal and you can give us more information I think many would appreciate it.

 

[struggles_inc]

Agree. It's not too personal and you can give us more information I think many would appreciate it.

I'm not too sure, because it is kind of personal in a way that it's easy to misunderstand me on this subject. But let's say that I've heard of a personality disorder — a cluster B one — that matched so well with what I feel and what's been going on in my life. So well in fact, that the social failure and being a misfit stopped feeling unfair to me and now just feels perfectly ordered, absolutely logical, and because of that I finally stopped torturing myself with questions like "why".

I took months to reflect, and honestly I've never before been that close to embracing everything. I just don't have to pretend or set standards anymore.

The realisation, if you can call it that, was just very clear to me. I understand the formal requirement of an official diagnosis, but for me it already lifted a lot. I just suddenly understood why I never fit in, no matter how much I pretended and forced myself to.

 

[LittleMagician]

I've been registered here since 2023, and I've been having suicidal thoughts since 2011-13.

However, in February something snapped when I decided to research my patterns of behaviour. I soon stumbled upon something that made so much sense. I don't want to self-diagnose, so I don't intend to elaborate, and maybe I will talk to a therapist about it just to confirm. However, I no longer feel in need of help.

I still do feel upset sometimes, but I stopped feeling like I want to end it. Life doesn't bring me much joy either. But now that there's some logic in everything, I'm more at peace than ever. I waited a couple months to make this post just to make sure my new condition wasn't changing too quickly.

I'm very thankful to this page and this community for everything. You've seen my darkest moments and didn't turn on me like almost everyone else in my life.

If it's ok, I don't want to delete my account and will visit sometimes. Hopefully… I won't feel the need to cease to breathe ever again.

View attachment 164867

Manifesting this for me too, proud of you and hope you reach serenity <3