Story Thank you, for being here

[Vivacious_Vee]

Hi all

I just want to thank you all for being here. I tried to catch the bus last night, but it wasn't my stop. I am still in the same place and feel shit (not going to catch my bus now though, that has passed) I tried, I failed. today has been an acceptance day, I accept that I failed at catching my bus, I failed a lot of things, but moving forward I know now I have to accept how I feel and this will be a part of my life and what has happened to me, this is me and until my bus arrives. It needed to be done before tomorrow, it wasnt, so it is what it is.

I must explain how amazing I felt yesterday, so powerful, so like I used to be, carefree and that was because I honestly thought I was going to catch my bus.
So I need to thank you all, this site really has helped me, OK, I did not get my bus, but I now know that I can be happy(not that, that is a reason to not CTB) I can smile and that is thanks for this site. I am not going to be at the bus stop again....My bus is not as frequent as others. I set myself goals, tasks and I have to endure what is going to happen, I also start a new job as a PT in a few weeks, got the job today whoop fucking whoop.

So for the record I am not going to catch the bus at this moment in time, the time has passed. Nor do I feel I have moved forward, I have not. BUT I have felt happiness and seen hope again, thank you. I will endure what my life has now become and I have no reason to log on anymore.

I will leave you all on this site. I hope you all find the peace you all deserve. If I do manage to CTB, I will be back with a post.

Hi all

I just want to thank you all for being here. I tried to catch the bus last night

That is what made me happy, knowing I was going to CTB. It felt so good, I will embrace those moments.

 

[MrDarkness]

I'm sorry you weren't able to find peace, the joy I felt knowning I was going to die felt so amazing, I felt so warm inside like I was being hugged by an angle or death, it was the happiest moment in my life

 

[AllFoxedOut]

I've been keeping up with your story Vee. See you. I wish you the best.

 

[cami]

im glad you're still around, and congrats on getting the job my love. i hope you find peace, in death or life.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you felt so relieved to be planning to leave, it's just horrible how suicide is purposely made so difficult in this world, I fear failing an suicide attempt. But anyway I wish you the best of luck.

 

[90starve]

thankyou for being here with us Vee <3

 

[Forever Sleep]

Sounds like you've come to terms with it all really well. My God Mum used to say: 'It's all part of life's rich tapestry.' Not in terms of CTB obviously but in terms of all the ups and downs that happen. I hope you can move on from this- it sounds like things are moving forward in your life. I hope they go well. All the best.