Venting Talking about ctb with pro-life people

[somniummalum]

I tend to keep my suicidal thoughts for myself, mostly. I've decided to talk to my brother, since he noticed I was feeling bad.
I've told him my honest opinion about suicide, why I struggle to hold onto life, why I suffer so much etc.

Everytime we talk, I pretty much get ranted at for an hour, things like "you have to change in order to have a better life! I don't see a reason for you feeling bad? You wil get over this, you will see! You just think too much man! Just take your meds! Look, others are doing way worse then you! Look at poor kids in africa! Just try to smile more! Go get help! etc..........."

This is my experience from literally every person I've tried to talk to about depression, suicide and so forth. It feels like they don't even really listen to what I am saying!
Earlier today, when he started ranting again, I just told him to please ffs spare me your empty phrases, I could not take it anymore (though, I feel guilty for that).

It makes me so sad and angry. Guess I just shouldn't bother. Hate for humanity growing rapidly atm.

What do you guys think about that? Someone has had similar experiences?

 

[TAW122]

Yep, this sounds like my experiences with people IRL whenever the subject of death, depression, or euthanasia comes up, nevermind suicide (it's too risky). The guilt-trips and rants against my opinions aren't the worst part, but the fact that they start to probe and interrogate me to show (fake) concern is what is most dangerous. I cannot risk anyone jeopardizing my plans to CTB.

 

[Zhontafly]

It's par for the course, but also important to understand that they dont understand or avoid the subject cause they dont like the lack of control over the situation. They dont like being forced to talk about mortality. Its a very uncomfortable space for most people. Get what I mean?

Also, they dont have your exact feelings or ailments (if you suffer from any) . They dont know exactly what its like to be you. So what they generally do is project their way of thinking and life to you. Its nothing abnormal.

I understand that it can be frustrating, hearing these things, but it's something I've learned to harden my skin with. At any time someone who normally talks with as you say 'empty phrases' can come around and actually give you sound advice or worthwhile experiences.

I find that so much has to do with each person's personal experience, beliefs, upbringing, indoctrination and the immense fear and sadness that comes with the subject of death or especially suicide, the latter being something viewed as an unnecessary tragedy. Regardless of the personal circumstances or feelings of the person that decides to CTB.

I recommend showing understanding his view, to show that you are listening else he wont want to listen to you anymore at some point. Then that could make him show his cards if he actually cares about what you are confiding in him.

The subject of death and suicide is deeply personal for each person, so I understand the deep frustration with someone who doesnt seem to recognize that and the information you are entrusting them with. We want real help and answers not to be talked down to for the way that we cant help we are feeling. Hopefully he and others will see the light of truth on the matter (sufffering mentally/spiritually and physically sucks!), but if not you got us here at the forum to speak with.

 

[somniummalum]

It's par for the course, but also important to understand that they dont understand or avoid the subject cause they dont like the lack of control over the situation. They dont like being forced to talk about mortality. Its a very uncomfortable space for most people. Get what I mean?

Also, they dont have your exact feelings or ailments (if you suffer from any) . They dont know exactly what its like to be you. So what they generally do is project their way of thinking and life to you. Its nothing abnormal.

I understand that it can be frustrating, hearing these things, but it's something I've learned to harden my skin with. At any time someone who normally talks with as you say 'empty phrases' can come around and actually give you sound advice or worthwhile experiences.

I find that so much has to do with each person's personal experience, beliefs, upbringing, indoctrination and the immense fear and sadness that comes with the subject of death or especially suicide, the latter being something viewed as an unnecessary tragedy. Regardless of the personal circumstances or feelings of the person that decides to CTB.

I recommend showing understanding his view, to show that you are listening else he wont want to listen to you anymore at some point. Then that could make him show his cards if he actually cares about what you are confiding in him.

The subject of death and suicide is deeply personal for each person, so I understand the deep frustration with someone who doesnt seem to recognize that and the information you are entrusting them with. We want real help and answers not to be talked down to for the way that we cant help we are feeling. Hopefully he and others will see the light of truth on the matter (sufffering mentally/spiritually and physically sucks!), but if not you got us here at the forum to speak with.

I do understand that others can't possibly see what's going on inside of me, but it just frustrates me when I open up, trying to explain in detail and in all honesty what's going on and all I get is some fake instagram quote bullshit?

I mean, I am still thankful for the person listening to me, talking to me even, but it gets to a point where I'm just frustrated talking, hearing the same things all over again. Guilt tripping, projecting, etc.
But then again, what more can you really expect from a normal person?

 

[Despondent]

I find this to be so typical of people. It used to make me angry and frustrated because these things are always said. Now I just feel bad that I was angry with them. It's not always easy to understand suicide, let alone some of the feelings that others are experiencing.

 

[somniummalum]

I find this to be so typical of people. It used to make me angry and frustrated because these things are always said. Now I just feel bad that I was angry with them. It's not always easy to understand suicide, let alone some of the feelings that others are experiencing.

I feel kind of bad too for being angry, after all they just don't know what it's like to have depression. So you can't blame them.

 

[Deleted member 19817]

Sometimes I feel like sharing with other people but I have trouble finding candidates. Cause I know they either won't want to discuss such a subject or won't understand some or all of it. It's not their fault, they just don't have the right frame of mind for it.

 

[Worndown]

Pro Life can sometimes appear to be Anti Fact. We each have a unique life and they seldom acknowledge everyone else is not them. A singular view.

 

[Lorntroubles]

Don't feel too bad for getting mad. A lot of these people like to invalidate your feelings.

 

[Nymph]

I talked to my mom about ctb and she keeps telling me that I have to change and go outside more and she told me that just being in my room is making me depressed and that it's all my fault. Well if I have to change I don't wanna live, I don't have the motivation to change just so I can survive on this planet, I'm over it, I just wanna disappear into nothingness

 

[somniummalum]

Don't feel too bad for getting mad. A lot of these people like to invalidate your feelings.

That's what it feels like alot of the time.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Very much the same experience for me tbh. My dad called me selfish, said my thoughts were stupid and told me I am just looking for attention. My mum said I have no reason to want to die and just need to try harder. My brother told me I am selfish. Friends avoid the issue entirely. People don't want me to get better, they want me to not be a problem.

 

[Nymph]

Very much the same experience for me tbh. My dad called me selfish, said my thoughts were stupid and told me I am just looking for attention. My mum said I have no reason to want to die and just need to try harder. My brother told me I am selfish. Friends avoid the issue entirely. People don't want me to get better, they want me to not be a problem.

Bro same, literally everyone is calling me selfish but they didn't think having a child was also selfish???

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Bro same, literally everyone is calling me selfish but they didn't think having a child was also selfish???

It really is a joke how people talk to us. They don't care for us, they just don't want to deal with us, but somehow we are selfish.

 

[rhiino]

What people tell you is caused by a serious lack of empathy, that's it. They care for themselves more than for you and they are concerned about your possible suicide not because it is bad for you (it isn't, it is a neutral state of non-existing), but bad for them. Therefore they don't even try to understand you and your feelings. They don't know how it feels to be in such a situation. Even the ones that were in such a situation lack the empathy to understand you because they think as they got better themselves, everybody will get better.

 

[lostangel]

I don't even bother discussing things that are mental health related including depression, suicide etc. I never seem to get anywhere just the usual nonsense. They can never come up with a solid argument.

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

It's par for the course, but also important to understand that they dont understand or avoid the subject cause they dont like the lack of control over the situation. They dont like being forced to talk about mortality. Its a very uncomfortable space for most people. Get what I mean?

Also, they dont have your exact feelings or ailments (if you suffer from any) . They dont know exactly what its like to be you. So what they generally do is project their way of thinking and life to you. Its nothing abnormal.

I understand that it can be frustrating, hearing these things, but it's something I've learned to harden my skin with. At any time someone who normally talks with as you say 'empty phrases' can come around and actually give you sound advice or worthwhile experiences.

I find that so much has to do with each person's personal experience, beliefs, upbringing, indoctrination and the immense fear and sadness that comes with the subject of death or especially suicide, the latter being something viewed as an unnecessary tragedy. Regardless of the personal circumstances or feelings of the person that decides to CTB.

I recommend showing understanding his view, to show that you are listening else he wont want to listen to you anymore at some point. Then that could make him show his cards if he actually cares about what you are confiding in him.

The subject of death and suicide is deeply personal for each person, so I understand the deep frustration with someone who doesnt seem to recognize that and the information you are entrusting them with. We want real help and answers not to be talked down to for the way that we cant help we are feeling. Hopefully he and others will see the light of truth on the matter (sufffering mentally/spiritually and physically sucks!), but if not you got us here at the forum to speak with.

I like your point of view. Personally I avoid confiding in anyone because I hate the condescending, guilt tripping advice most people usually spew out. It's bad enough to feel the guilt and despair that comes with ctb tendencies. To have someone add to those bad feelings is more than I can handle.

I do however acknowledge that it must be difficult for an ordinary person to understand what its like to be suicidal. In order for them to understand and give the right response, they would either need to have exceptional empathy or have undergone a suicidal phase at some point. As much as I loathe prolifers, I get where they're coming from. I just wish they'd keep it to themselves.

 

[xaea13]

This is why I never talk about CTB with anyone outside of forums like this, and definitely not people I know. As tempting it feels sometimes for me to vent to a friend or family member, I know that would just make them more alert to what I really want to do.

 

[somniummalum]

This is why I never talk about CTB with anyone outside of forums like this, and definitely not people I know. As tempting it feels sometimes for me to vent to a friend or family member, I know that would just make them more alert to what I really want to do.

Doesn't it make you fucking sad though? All I want sometimes is have a real, honest conversation about how I'm feeling, but it's not possible as it seems.

 

[xaea13]

Doesn't it make you fucking sad though? All I want sometimes is have a real, honest conversation about how I'm feeling, but it's not possible as it seems.

It certainly sucks. I feel utterly alone sometimes knowing that breathing a word to anyone I know only puts me on "suicide watch" for them.

 

[InterstateFlowers]

My parents are pro-life because of religion. They're Christian. They believe that suicide will lead me straight to Hell and that it's a sin. My mom mentions the Ten Commandments, "Though shall not kill.." and says that includes yourself too. That it's a crime to kill yourself because your God's creation.

One time, I was discussing euthanasia with my mom a few days ago and she brought up the fact that when she was in elementary school, she passed by a funeral service thing (this took place in a pretty poor area in the Philippines so I can see this happening) and distinctly remembers that there was a woman who committed suicide but didn't receive the usual funeral "blessings". So the pastor or whatever just walked by the completely broken, grieving family and didn't provide any prayers or kind words because the woman killed herself.

So I was like what the fuck? That's so cruel. If this is what Christianity stands for, get it away from me. More stories like that one made me agnostic.

 

[woxihuanni]

Next time say 'fuck kids in africa'. Might shock them into silence.

 

[somniummalum]

My parents are pro-life because of religion. They're Christian. They believe that suicide will lead me straight to Hell and that it's a sin. My mom mentions the Ten Commandments, "Though shall not kill.." and says that includes yourself too. That it's a crime to kill yourself because your God's creation.

One time, I was discussing euthanasia with my mom a few days ago and she brought up the fact that when she was in elementary school, she passed by a funeral service thing (this took place in a pretty poor area in the Philippines so I can see this happening) and distinctly remembers that there was a woman who committed suicide but didn't receive the usual funeral "blessings". So the pastor or whatever just walked by the completely broken, grieving family and didn't provide any prayers or kind words because the woman killed herself.

So I was like what the fuck? That's so cruel. If this is what Christianity stands for, get it away from me. More stories like that one made me agnostic.

That's truly horrible...

 

[Georgii]

I cringed at the title bc just thinking about it make me so exhausted .

 

[somniummalum]

I cringed at the title bc just thinking about it make me so exhausted .

What do you mean?

 

[Georgii]

@somniummalum I mean that some are so closed minded and simply refuse to see anything else but their own personal agenda .Its like talking to a wall , everything you say is quickly dismissed .So I find it exhausting even thinking about talking to a prolife person about CBT .

 

[Elbarado]

I tend to keep my suicidal thoughts for myself, mostly. I've decided to talk to my brother, since he noticed I was feeling bad.
I've told him my honest opinion about suicide, why I struggle to hold onto life, why I suffer so much etc.

Everytime we talk, I pretty much get ranted at for an hour, things like "you have to change in order to have a better life! I don't see a reason for you feeling bad? You wil get over this, you will see! You just think too much man! Just take your meds! Look, others are doing way worse then you! Look at poor kids in africa! Just try to smile more! Go get help! etc..........."

This is my experience from literally every person I've tried to talk to about depression, suicide and so forth. It feels like they don't even really listen to what I am saying!
Earlier today, when he started ranting again, I just told him to please ffs spare me your empty phrases, I could not take it anymore (though, I feel guilty for that).

It makes me so sad and angry. Guess I just shouldn't bother. Hate for humanity growing rapidly atm.

What do you guys think about that? Someone has had similar experiences?

Do you also talk with him about the things why you are suicidal?

I mean he is your brother, i guess if your relationship is ok, he doesnt want you ctb, cause he loves you

The phrases " look, others are doing way worse then you!", " look at poor kids in africa" are dumb, not only from your brother or in your situation, more for everyone, cause you cant compare problems or change african kids situation although you wanted to. And this encouragement doesnt solve your problems, it just makes you feel more miserable.

 

[Djfrend]

What is hard for me is the hatred i see in my parents eyes when i tell them i dont want to live anymore. Its almost like they think i am being this way on purpose to hurt them. My illness is 'not really that severe' and 'others have it way worse than you' ..plus the old fave. 'Its not normal to react this badly to your chronic illness..... its just your depression talking!' Am so fed up of this game.

 

[somniummalum]

@somniummalum I mean that some are so closed minded and simply refuse to see anything else but their own personal agenda .Its like talking to a wall , everything you say is quickly dismissed .So I find it exhausting even thinking about talking to a prolife person about CBT .

Yeah, I should've learned that by now too.

Do you also talk with him about the things why you are suicidal?

I mean he is your brother, i guess if your relationship is ok, he doesnt want you ctb, cause he loves you

The phrases " look, others are doing way worse then you!", " look at poor kids in africa" are dumb, not only from your brother or in your situation, more for everyone, cause you cant compare problems or change african kids situation although you wanted to. And this encouragement doesnt solve your problems, it just makes you feel more miserable.

Yes, that's what I've told him... these phrases make me feel even more numb. Ofc I can see that he loves me, so he don't want me to go, but at the same time I think it makes no sense, because if he would love me he would respect and hear my opinion.

What is hard for me is the hatred i see in my parents eyes when i tell them i dont want to live anymore. Its almost like they think i am being this way on purpose to hurt them. My illness is 'not really that severe' and 'others have it way worse than you' ..plus the old fave. 'Its not normal to react this badly to your chronic illness..... its just your depression talking!' Am so fed up of this game.

I feel ya

 

[Alucard]

The Pro-Life are sectarians: they want to impose their ideology on us ("life is worth living").

Wouldn't it be better to see life as an art club that you can get out of when you want rather than as a sect ?