Discussion talking about crywank the band not the action

[eggsausagerice]

crywank is a british anti folk (this is just what's in the google description, i have no idea what it is) and folk punk band. i've been a long time fan since high school even though i barely listen to them anymore. i felt elated being able to see them in texas as my first concert and then i weirded out a girl i was working with at my part time job by talking about how much i love crywank. then the manager told me to not be on my phone while i was working. it's a really nostalgic band for me. i figure a lot of people have their "one band".

i never liked popular music because i was a lame weirdo. i kind of wish i did, so i could talk about what i like to listen to with people. i do like joji and mistki but i don't like them as much as i like breakcore, crywank, vocaloid, and my other nonsense internet music. i know that breakcore and vocaloid are still popular genres even though they're less mainstream, but i have a hard time talking about it out loud since i don't want to be that guy that says "i like goreshit", and then i play a song by goreshit and everyone is weirded out. i'd genuinely rather die than be that guy. i already know the music i like isn't cool.

i'm usually the one introducing people to crywank or talking about it so i wanted to see if anyone recognized the band name. the reason i'm talking about it is because of the spotify 25th anniversary thing where you get an album of the songs you listened to the most. i don't use spotify as my main music app because i don't have a subscription, so it ended up being a time capsule for the music i used to listen to back when i was subscribed to spotify in high school. i've always liked the lyricism of crywank because it sounds so miserable but not in a whiny way. it just sounds like he's really sad when he's singing. every song is also just really wordy and long. i feel embarrassed knowing that most people i showed the band to probably don't care about it at all, or it's not their genre so they don't really like it. and they don't have to like my music, but it just makes me kind of sad to not be able to click with anyone. i don't like the band specifically because they make depressing music. i like it because it's catchy and i want to sing along to it.





the lyrics are so obviously written by someone talented and smart, but they talk about hating themselves and how nothing they do matters. isolation and insecurity always felt like taboo topics to talk about with other people, since the people that were choosing to not be my friend didn't want to talk about how they were ignoring me and the adults in my life just said i should try harder to make friends. crywank was an essential band for me since i needed something to latch onto when i was dealing with a hopelessness i couldn't verbalize to anyone because they would say i was being melodramatic or that i was still just a kid. even though i wasn't able to talk about how i felt with other people i could still listen to crywank and feel understood by it. it taught me that my feelings weren't wrong.

as a kid i spent a long time pouring over the lyrics of their various albums. i felt really sad when i wanted to tell a single person about their new album "Just Popping in to Say Hi" that came out in 2021, because no one knew the band so no one i knew cared. the band said it was going to stop making music before this and when i started listening to them all their previous albums had come out already. just popping in to say hi ended up being their last official album, but for some reason i felt happy that i was able to listen to an entirely new album even though i always go back to listen to Tomorrow Is Nearly Yesterday and Everyday Is Stupid. i think it's one of their most popular albums. this reminds me that i lost my band shirt a year ago so i'm kind of sad about that. i need to look for it, but i don't know if i'll be able to find it. *i found it after writing the post

last year i started listening to gezebelle gaburgably and it reminded me of how it felt to listen to crywank for the first time. i've listened to her album gaburger 10 times already.



all i can remember the first time i listened to it is crying and thinking about hanging myself. i was going through a really bad patch and was planning on dropping out of college officially while i was listening to it. i can still remember how it felt to lay in bed and contemplate not enrolling into anymore classes because i saw it as pointless if i was going to chatgpt my assignments or turn them in late because i didn't care. i was thinking about how my college friends would graduate in a year and move away and i was going to stay behind. they're painful memories. i've been thinking about high school more now while coming to terms with my mortality and how i've gotten older even though i wasn't aware of it, and i just think about how sad i was as a high schooler. everyone talked about things like jobs, grades, and college as if they mattered, but all i wanted is to be able to make friends and i couldn't. even though people told me they liked me it was obvious that they wouldn't be able to understand me and they only liked the version of me that avoided talking about my real self. now that i'm an adult i have to confront what my "real" self actually is, and i haven't been able to find it. i'm worried i don't have an identity beyond the surface level traits i tell people still.

it's fine if people don't like the music that i like, but i just feel sad that i'm not able to relate to most people for liking my one band i listened to in high school. i don't like talking about my music taste with people in real life that much at all just to avoid having to explain what it is, but that means i never talk about it with anyone. i figure that it's better to keep it to myself than force someone to listen to me talk about something they're not interested in at all.

 

[interna]

i love crywank..... i think every chronically online depressed person has come across them once or twice.....
i first found crywank at 9 with "i am shit", and i remember feeling sad for the singer. i wasn't depressed yet as my depression only started calcifying at 11, i only dealt with emotional dysregulation and passive suicidality (although it wasn't until later i understood why), so the song struck me as alien. i couldn't believe people felt that way about themselves. the people in the comment section relating too blew me away. it was like id discovered a new concept. i quickly closed that tab. i wasn't about to feel sadder lolol

it wasn't until 14 that i rediscovered the band and laughed at how much i related to the songs. i listened to them religiously a good chunk of my teenage years, and still do whenever i need a quick musical hug.... their lyrics make me feel understood. leech boy & hikikomori are two of the few songs i feel perfectly describe me. i learnt the latter on guitar and whenever im overwhelmed i just jam my heart out to the song...... i tend to hurt my fingers from how hard i strum. kek

something similar happened to me with hated person song by 164, where i found it and felt it unrelatable only to rediscover it some time later and find myself reflected in the lyrics. it's quite funny how that happens. but ya, good band, great band.
just popping in to say hi released the year i had my (at the time) heaviest breakup... it really carried me a whole ton. im pretty fond of the album as well

as for gezebelle gaburgably, ive checked her music out once or twice since one of my partners listened to her, but sadly i couldn't get into it. has nothing to do with the genre since i listen to similar artists but she just didnt click with me for some reason T^T

also, i understand not wanting to share your music. i feel that way a lot of the time too, so i only ever do it if i feel like im in a safe space. otherwise i just lie and say i like alt(?)-leaning normie music, like iron maiden or the like. i find its a quick way of having people mentally label you as slightly "different" (lol) while still being acceptable in their eyes