It's not a struggle though, once you realize it is only an involuntary reflex from nerve spasms and natural in almost every kind of death its soothing.
Oh the videos suck alright, something eerie about them.
That's comforting to know that you didn't realise your body was having those spasms
ha ive so done that! - about waiting till on the hr- nice even number-then itgoespast it by one minute- so have to wait till next half hr or something...then you gotta have a pee or somethingYes! Its like they don't experience the SI, they do what they have set out to do and are done with it. I wish I was that type but I'm the very same as you described yourself!!
Whoops its 7.01 better wait until 8.00 so it's on the hour
And look, if we didn't laugh we would cry, that's my way of thinking about the failings of myself anyways
I'm glad I'm not the only one haha!! I can never start anything on an odd number, even getting out of bed, if its 7.46 I'll wait until the 7.50... but of course that's to get an extra 4 minutes in bed
Isnt it! I miss BJ fighting me on it which seemed like every post but from multiple experiences you don't feel anything at all after the first few seconds.
Yes! That is the girl I am talking about. She live streamed the whole thing and at the end you hear her mother calling her. Sad she was only still a child.
cant help but feel the mother should have been partly accountable-she is still 'looking after' (i'll use that term loosely for that mother) other children!!
Your description sways me back to hanging a bit. I have seen similar descriptions to yours but then see so many against it and in favour of SN which made me research that and think maybe that's the better option. But if I have time to sit and think about things I'll have a meltdown and end up calling for help. Hanging as you said, once I've got the right spot, seems good....
I just keep writing final notes- ive now written hundreds of pages (not kidding) could be a book -pretty sad book though-not sure anyone would read it
You are kidding me!!! She still has those other kids? Now that is a shame.... I seen that girls youtube videos and her living conditions were awful for children, in my opinion anyways. The bedroom had a hole in the wall which connected to outside so I can imagine how cold and damp it was....ugh how sad!!!
Oh I just seen this, you are preparing to go tonight? I hope it all works out for you
I dont mind at all of anything my experiences could help people not struggle like myself. Its always been the ligature. I can pass out no problem but my problem has been unsing breakable ligatures with no research. In the past I've used belts and scarves that couldnt support my weight over prolonged periods of time and have broken in the crucial not be found phase.
Ive tried three times in the span of a and ot hasnt worked from people coming home early to whatever else so I don't want to commit to saying yes but I do hope so.
Thank you for sharing. I always thought using a belt would be what I'd do if I chose hanging, but hearing what you said there I think I'll opt for a strong rope or else a ratchet strap might be the best option..
Personally right now i have a necktie in a slipknot around a solid unmovable place. I did my research though and silk should hold whereas polyester and cotton may break at the seams. Im still on the fence because of previous "wake ups" you could call them I suppose.
From reading though a solid rope or ratchet would work great.
That's understandable your on the fence considering what's happened before. Probably not wise to do it if your gf is going to be in the house?
If you honestly feel doubt and believe there's a chance than explore that chance!
That's understandable what you said.
I meant past attempts i have a few hours right now im putting off for multiples of five minutes lol
Lol has to be that even number damn it!
Your conversation has been enjoyable
mine is that i'm afraid to survive and my parents will really kill me
I tried to make myself act impulsively, and i was a being a bit, when i first had my breakdown and started to feel suicidal at the start of the year-but I stopped myself just at the last minute. Now I have spent wayyyyyy too long thinking about it & which I could get back to that point of even slight impulsivity. Buts it too late for that now- just a deep rooted - now fairly long held desire to ctb- that why the crisis team are a waste of my time- i dont feel impulsive plus am too damn scared of the 'impulsive' acts- can barely get my head around some of the acts that people do-trains, jumps, cliffs etc-its mind blowing really. And ive been at that edge so know how it feels to be contemplating the abyys.
