Venting Supposed to tonight

[moody_cupcakes]

I'm supposed to cbt tonight. I have everything I need but I'm scared at the same time. I'm feel like I'm being selfish, my kids have kept from this for years but not even the anti depressants or therapy have helped. I can't do this anymore. I feel like such a disappointment. I had always thought of myself as resilient but now I think it was just a mask.
I don't know how to get over this fear to do what I know I'm supposed to do. It's for the best. I feel so alone, no one understands why I can't just get over things and move forward? Why do i have to sulk? Why can't I stop feeling sad and do what I have to do?
I'm tired of hurting, tired of being abandoned for not being good enough, tired of not being accepted.
Sorry for the vent. Trying to get the strength to do what I know i need to do.

 

[DeadNotSleeping]

You never need to apologize for speaking your feelings. The fear you're dealing with now could be SI. Either way it's a huge decision. I'd be more concerned if you weren't a little afraid.

 

[suffering_mo]

I can only say I relate so much to what you are going through. That trapped feeling. And it makes it all so much worse when children are involved. Any way you can stay and keep trying, keep going, if not for yourself but for them? Especially if you are in good physical health and not suffering physical pain? I know emotional pain can be pretty bad also so not trying to minimize but is it not possible that things can improve, turn around and get better? I'm sorry for your suffering. It's ok to not do this and change your mind........even when you thought that you were going to.

 

[moody_cupcakes]

I can only say I relate so much to what you are going through. That trapped feeling. And it makes it all so much worse when children are involved. Any way you can stay and keep trying, keep going, if not for yourself but for them? Especially if you are in good physical health and not suffering physical pain? I know emotional pain can be pretty bad also so not trying to minimize but is it not possible that things can improve, turn around and get better? I'm sorry for your suffering. It's ok to not do this and change your mind........even when you thought that you were going to.

I have tried everything. I feel they would grow up better without me. My ex blames me for ruining our daughter and I don't want the same for our son... its the best thing for him

 

[suffering_mo]

I have tried everything. I feel they would grow up better without me. My ex blames me for ruining our daughter and I don't want the same for our son... its the best thing for him

I don't know your situation but given that he is your ex, can he be trusted? I doubt your suicide would be the "best thing" for either of your kids.

 

[moody_cupcakes]

You never need to apologize for speaking your feelings. The fear you're dealing with now could be SI. Either way it's a huge decision. I'd be more concerned if you weren't a little afraid.

thank you. I appreciate your words... i have been looking at the time to see if I shy away from this idea but the gnawing feeling that this is the right thing to do doesnt let me be.

 

[maniac116]

I'm supposed to cbt tonight. I have everything I need but I'm scared at the same time. I'm feel like I'm being selfish, my kids have kept from this for years but not even the anti depressants or therapy have helped. I can't do this anymore. I feel like such a disappointment. I had always thought of myself as resilient but now I think it was just a mask.
I don't know how to get over this fear to do what I know I'm supposed to do. It's for the best. I feel so alone, no one understands why I can't just get over things and move forward? Why do i have to sulk? Why can't I stop feeling sad and do what I have to do?
I'm tired of hurting, tired of being abandoned for not being good enough, tired of not being accepted.
Sorry for the vent. Trying to get the strength to do what I know i need to do.

 

[lastboyscout]

u did ? if u dont what is the plan ?