Venting suicide takes way too much planning

[snailboy]

I know I technically could just do it right now but I feel like I need a proper suicide note for my family, maybe even personalized ones, a plan for where my pets will go, how to plan it so my family won't be too traumatized or find my body, etc. And all of that is so much work that I just put it off and continue to be miserable.

 

[Rhymester]

Personally for me, planning suicide seems like something exciting, but at the same time, when I think about my family finding me and realising what happened, this overwhelming sense of guilt takes over. For me, guilt is an emotion I cannot deal with.

 

[densvensken00]

Depends on how you look at it. you could easily kill yourself whenever you wanted to if youre drunk or high enough to disregard the feelings of guilt. I do see what youre saying though

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is way too unnecessarily difficult to cease existing on our own terms, I hate how there isn't the option to just choose to never wake again, such a thing would prevent so much suffering.

 

[claraisnotcarol]

Depends on how you look at it. you could easily kill yourself whenever you wanted to if youre drunk or high enough to disregard the feelings of guilt. I do see what youre saying though

in fact, that's when my ctb urges mostly kick in. but since it's not well planned, I just end up falling asleep or passing out.
when I'm completely sober, it kind of exhausts me. I feel the same, even killing myself takes too much stress and effort.

 

[NocturnILL]

Personally for me, planning suicide seems like something exciting, but at the same time, when I think about my family finding me and realising what happened, this overwhelming sense of guilt takes over. For me, guilt is an emotion I cannot deal with.

I resonate with this strongly. For me it's mainly a certain family member but ultimately I feel that overwhelming guilt is what's keeping me alive so long.

 

[haibane]

Exactly, having a fiable and peaceful way to ctb is near impossible. SI dont help neither too. Its horrible how ctb is artificially hard cause this pro life society try to have control over us.

 

[densvensken00]

in fact, that's when my ctb urges mostly kick in. but since it's not well planned, I just end up falling asleep or passing out.
when I'm completely sober, it kind of exhausts me. I feel the same, even killing myself takes too much stress and effort.

Thats why you need to plan and THEN get drunk/high. thats when youll succeed but its harder to actually do things the right way when drunk/high so.

 

[sash]

When you are ready it wont feel like too much work. Either you will be meticulous to the finest detail, do it impulsively or somewhere inbetween because you know it is the choice you want.
But it will be when you are ready. when the decision is made that you will make it happen.
Til you are truly ready, it wont happen.
Been there. I'm not saying all is rosy now I have finally after a v long time of turmoil about it, come to my choice but there is a layer of aaarrrgh gone away. Because I am ready. Don't have to worry about long term now. Don't have to -while bubbling w insecurity- try to impress anyone. Doesn't matter. Not looking for new friends out there and being let down again. Where to live. And all the other stuff. So much less stress to worry about. Cos I'm ready. I have a direction. I'm not being pulled all over the place anymore.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Til you are truly ready, it wont happen.

this is absolutely true hence why the temptation to do it impulsively must be kept in check so to speak.

 

[sash]

this is absolutely true hence why the temptation to do it impulsively must be kept in check so to speak.

Sadly nothing can be done when emotions control the moment..

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Sadly nothing can be done when emotions control the moment..

True, I suppose the strength of emotions are very difficult to overcome but I've learnt that you gotta be headstrong and not think about it too much.

 

[sash]

True, I suppose the strength of emotions are very difficult to overcome but I've learnt that you gotta be headstrong and not think about it too much.

I'm lucky, I mentioned suicide once, friend called doc, long chat w doc, couldnt commit me as all I said made sense, he understood my reasons, my doc knew I wasnt scared of dying and that I had a 3 day plan, cool off period if you like. Not impulsive. He made me promise to keep the 3day. He told my friend 'if she's going to do it, u wont be able to stop her'
He checked in over the years that I still had a 3 day, yep I'd promised him. Except 2 impulsive attempts while on anti-ds, those meds didnt work when I fell in the dark pit... made it worse. I do not take them anymore

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I'm lucky, I mentioned suicide once, friend called doc, long chat w doc, couldnt commit me as all I said made sense, he understood my reasons, my doc knew I wasnt scared of dying and that I had a 3 day plan, cool off period if you like. Not impulsive. He made me promise to keep the 3day. He told my friend 'if she's going to do it, u wont be able to stop her'

And this is why I wouldn't even mention it once in my situation since I already made one trip to the psych hospital nearly a decade ago. Interesting that he understood your reasons and even told your friend that there would be nothing she could do that will stop you.

 

[sash]

And this is why I wouldn't even mention it once in my situation since I already made one trip to the psych hospital nearly a decade ago. Interesting that he understood your reasons and even told your friend that there would be nothing she could do that will stop you.

Like I said, I was lucky. Good Doc. He was kind. I was calm, no visual stress. Nice to have an honest convo. He did make me have 6 appts w shrink or he'd have to legally commit me if I didnt turn up. On my 2nd session, we just went over first session as I told him what I told doc, I felt others needed him more than me, he agreed. and he said 'no point carrying on is there? Nope.
Yeah I realise how lucky I was and apart from doc, and here, no-one has known these are still my thoughts, my plan is to make it believed i am good and moving away. It is working. They will not have that satisfaction of my ctb

 

[silligant]

Absolutely, I feel like it takes a ton of planning/effort to complete it cleanly. I'm looking to end things in a tidy way, with as little emotional damage to others as I can, so it's taking a bit more work. I know some people can simply end it all without caring much about what happens after their death, and if you can convince yourself that none of that matters, i think it'd be easier to do it with less effort.

 

[AllAlone]

It sucks becuase I feel too depressed to actually do the planning, it's easier to just do nothing. Like I am hoping to ctb this week but it's hard to think about. I get home from work and I just want to relax and lay in bed when I should be making preparations. My goal for tomorrow is to buy some rope and a ratchet for either partial or night night as I haven't decided what I'll do. Hopefully I can find the energy to actually do it.

 

[sserafim]

I know I technically could just do it right now but I feel like I need a proper suicide note for my family, maybe even personalized ones, a plan for where my pets will go, how to plan it so my family won't be too traumatized or find my body, etc. And all of that is so much work that I just put it off and continue to be miserable.

It literally does. Ugh I wish I could just die in an accident or something

Exactly, having a fiable and peaceful way to ctb is near impossible. SI dont help neither too. Its horrible how ctb is artificially hard cause this pro life society try to have control over us.

I hate how society is pro-life and restricts peaceful, guaranteed methods. Ugh why do they make ctb so hard…I hate how they try to control our right to die

 

[Lookoutbelow]

When you are ready it wont feel like too much work. Either you will be meticulous to the finest detail, do it impulsively or somewhere inbetween because you know it is the choice you want.
But it will be when you are ready. when the decision is made that you will make it happen.
Til you are truly ready, it wont happen.
Been there. I'm not saying all is rosy now I have finally after a v long time of turmoil about it, come to my choice but there is a layer of aaarrrgh gone away. Because I am ready. Don't have to worry about long term now. Don't have to -while bubbling w insecurity- try to impress anyone. Doesn't matter. Not looking for new friends out there and being let down again. Where to live. And all the other stuff. So much less stress to worry about. Cos I'm ready. I have a direction. I'm not being pulled all over the place anymore.

Exactly! I have a plan. Now I'm just chugging along. When that time comes I'm gone.

 

[Lys_C15H25N3O_d3]

yes i and i share the same though along with thousands, let alone all your thoughts such "how will they find me?, is it going to be discrete? is the body going to be messed up? " ahn,, all those little stupid things like "finish that book" write this or that.. ahn,, deal with "soon-to-be-ex possessions" and all this.... sure its overwhelming,, alone. well at least not so much alone in fact. thank you all

 

[backtoearth]

I relate to this a lot, how am I supposed to do all the preparations when I can't get out of bed and am too stupid for the darkknet? I wouldn't want the people I live with to find me but I am extremely agoraphobic and can't leave my flat, it seems impossible

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Suicide is so unnecessarily difficult because there are no methods available that are peaceful and have an almost 100% success rate like N.

 

[rollingthunder]

i had a failed attempt when i was 15 and did a lot of research and learned a lot since then. i've done hours of research on the best plan for me (firearm) and then what type of firearm, where to aim, type of bullet, how to practice, where to buy, etc. also done research on legality of suicide note as a last will. i have been actively working on my current plan for a few years, waiting for the right time. making sure i have all my financial, medical, property records, making notes of how to distribute my possessions, etc. it's surprising how much work it can be sometimes.

 

[wendy5c]

Suicide is so unnecessarily difficult because there are no methods available that are peaceful and have an almost 100% success rate like N.

The other ones are downright painful and potentially gruesome even if death occurs instantly.

 

[ClaudeCTTE]

Everything requires planning; we have to put in our effort to achieve what we desire.

"Effort is the key to success."

Failed attempts only demonstrate the ways not to CTB

 

[borderlinee]

Whenever I finally find a method that could work, there's always a catch. I feel completely trapped, I have too much brain fog to think and actually plan everything. SI sucks too, I am too scared of the possibility that I might end up as a vegetable.

 

[ddn.ctb]

I know I technically could just do it right now but I feel like I need a proper suicide note for my family, maybe even personalized ones, a plan for where my pets will go, how to plan it so my family won't be too traumatized or find my body, etc. And all of that is so much work that I just put it off and continue to be miserable.

I decided to just keep it easy 0 a rope and somewhere to hang it. I plan it advance, so when the urge happens - I don't need to plan - i hope it just happens

 

[Meditation guide]

I'm stuck on the planning too, I can't seem to wrap my mind around it, the prep for SN or CO ...
so hard to do.