Yeah I feel the same, I remember I think when I was about 13 years old (don't remember anymore, it was a long time ago) I yelled at my parents that I'd be dead before I turned 18 and that I was suicidal since I was 8 years old and then the whole family knew within a few hours that I wanted to ctb. That was stupid of me and now its affecting me even now, many years later. I wish I just kept my fucking mouth shut and maybe I wouldn't be here rn. My parents even manage my money now, as an adult I think thats very stupid but that is the consequence I face for 1) telling them I'm suicidal and 2) buying SN.