Suicide Obsession

[hiddenbpd]

Does anyone else have intense obsession/fixation on suicide and wanting to ctb? The urge is similar to needing to eat or drink for me, it feels absolutely necessary. I can't stop thinking about it. I feel like I need to attempt just to shut up the internal harassment, and if it results in completed suicide, that's fine by me.
I don't know how much longer I can tolerate this.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, I am very fixated on suicide. To me there is nothing more ideal than not existing and I absolutely despise life. All of my waking moments are spent wishing to be free from this world and thinking about methods of ctb. I've never wanted to exist at all in any way and I just wish that more than anything it's not so difficult to actually leave this world. It's just so tiring feeling trapped here.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, it can be very intense at times and the frustration that I feel like I can't go yet (waiting for my Dad to pass first) is terrible. I don't find it troubling because it's something I feel unsure about. Merely the fact that I just feel stuck here. Plus, I can't entirely trust myself to do it after either. I could well chicken out. I guess only time and situation will tell.

I know what you mean- that it feels like it is an intensity you could use to make it happen. Still- I don't want to go impulsively. I want to be as planned as calm as possible- under the circumstances. I tend to feel a bit frantic when the feelings are that intense.

 

[hiddenbpd]

Yes, I am very fixated on suicide. To me there is nothing more ideal than not existing and I absolutely despise life. All of my waking moments are spent wishing to be free from this world and thinking about methods of ctb. I've never wanted to exist at all in any way and I just wish that more than anything it's not so difficult to actually leave this world. It's just so tiring feeling trapped here.

I hear you, life needs an emergency ejection button. It's cruel that we're brought into this world against our will and leaving freely is rarely an option.

Yes, it can be very intense at times and the frustration that I feel like I can't go yet (waiting for my Dad to pass first) is terrible. I don't find it troubling because it's something I feel unsure about. Merely the fact that I just feel stuck here. Plus, I can't entirely trust myself to do it after either. I could well chicken out. I guess only time and situation will tell.

I know what you mean- that it feels like it is an intensity you could use to make it happen. Still- I don't want to go impulsively. I want to be as planned as calm as possible- under the circumstances. I tend to feel a bit frantic when the feelings are that intense.

I relate. The urge definitely makes me a bit irrational I guess you could say, I don't want to go impulsively either, but it may be the only time I'll have the courage. I've chickened out on a few occasions which makes me feel like a failure. I wish it was easier either to live or to die.