Suicide note I'm leaving on my laptop

[SuicideByBelt]

I'm going to take SN in a hotel room tomorrow.

I'm leaving this message up on my laptop:

To [Mother] and [Father],

Thank you for giving me life, giving me opportunities, and supporting me to grow. You're both friendly, creative people who always supported me whenever I needed it and I was lucky to call my parents.

To [Brother] and [Sister],

Thank you for supporting me through tough periods of time. You're both really upbeat good people to be around. You both have so many adventures ahead of you.

To [Exchange Student Host Family],

Thank you for hosting me. While I wasn't ready to live overseas and I wound myself into trouble a lot, I treasure that experience fondly. Two years before, I was at a private Catholic boy's school where I was bullied and I'd rebel. You guys, [Host School], and [Host town] gave me to opportunity to play with ideas, learn about myself, and meet a lot of nice people. I was lucky you chose me.

To [Friends],

Thank you for supporting me throughout these tough periods of time. You're a creative person with an endless capacity for kindness.

To [Another friend],

I believe in you, brother. Your optimism and positivity is admirable.

To everyone I've hurt,

I apologise. I continually relive the past, unable to move on, and with that comes a deep feeling of regret. I hurt many people as a teenager, and wish I hadn't.

The reason I give up life:

My brain continually analyses past people, places, situations, and never stops. Reliving past experiences nonstop has consistently distressed me for years - interfering with my ability to work at an acceptable level and causing me to drop out of university. One of the important parts of being human is the ability to move on (from both good and bad experiences) and live in the present. I don't believe a psychologist can stop this. I don't believe any mental health professional I've dealt with understands what is going on or how to change it. I believe I'm wired differently to everyone else.

 

[highlyvolatile]

I'm going to take SN in a hotel room tomorrow.

I'm leaving this message up on my laptop:

I'm sorry to see you go but the letter is solid, heartfelt and i hope that it reaches everyone that you want it to. Also i hope you have a safe journey, and we are all here for you and with you.

I can also relate to your reasons for going.. I'm the same exact way.

 

[autumnal]

On the practical side of things, is that note readily accessible in the event your laptop powers off or reboots unexpectedly? No passwords or anything blocking future access in that scenario?

 

[SuicideByBelt]

On the practical side of things, is that note readily accessible in the event your laptop powers off or reboots unexpectedly? No passwords or anything blocking future access in that scenario?

I'll turn off password on my laptop, and leave it charging

 

[autumnal]

I'll turn off password on my laptop, and leave it charging

Still, it might get bagged up by police or someone and powered off. Have you considered printing and leaving a hard-copy just in case?

 

[SuicideByBelt]

Still, it might get bagged up by police or someone and powered off. Have you considered printing and leaving a hard-copy just in case?

might be a good idea

 

[jgm63]

In case you don't make a goodbye thread, then I'll just state now :
If you choose to go ahead then I wish you a safe onward journey to somewhere beautiful.....

 

[autumnal]

Better safe than sorry, I always reckon. Both in general and especially in regards to something like this!

 

[bananabear]

Reading that nearly made me cry, i can smell the sadness coming. I can relate to nearly everything you wrote, its insane. I completely understand, its gotta be so damn hard for you, and I wish you all the best in what you do.

 

[autumnal]

Are you going to put up a note or a sheet or something to prevent hotel staff discovering your body?

 

[SuicideByBelt]

Reading that nearly made me cry, i can smell the sadness coming. I can relate to nearly everything you wrote, its insane. I completely understand, its gotta be so damn hard for you, and I wish you all the best in what you do.

Thank you :)

Are you going to put up a note or a sheet or something to prevent hotel staff discovering your body?

I'll make a scheduled text for police saying where to find me and what happened

In case you don't make a goodbye thread, then I'll just state now :
If you choose to go ahead then I wish you a safe onward journey to somewhere beautiful.....

Thank you

 

[drake4871]

We think alike, unfortunately; but with that knowledge I know you've already got everything planned out. Don't forget to remove the password, also if you don't want anyone finding what you deleted make sure to wipe the free space. Best of luck friend

 

[Deathbydemo]

Reading that made me well up. I think it's written beautifully and thoughtfully and I hope that it brings everyone who cares for you some level of comfort. I wish you all the best.

 

[jgm63]

might be a good idea

f.y.i. I have some notes here about how to send delayed emails in a secure/private way :

Spoiler: sending-delayed-scheduled-messages-goodbye-notes-etc

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...-messages-goodbye-notes-etc.32532/post-599767

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

might be a good idea

Delayed emails are likely best. Anything at the scene is evidence, and your intended recipients may never receive the messages.